A
male
age
36-40,
*JN
writes:Here is my problem; I’ve fallen in love with my best friend’s fiancé. I’ll try to give you a little background about the situation. I’m currently a 22 year-old college student, during my freshmen year I meet a lot of new people, including my now best friend and his girlfriend. For the last three and a half years we’ve pretty much hung out every weekend, usually watching movies, playing games, etc. A year ago I transferred to a university in another town, so this last summer we made sure to make up for the time we missed out on. It was right before the summer started that I began developing feeling for his girlfriend, now fiancée. It was always a concern in the back of my mind that my feelings about her would turn from friendship into something else, so when I realized that I did have feelings for her, I initially tried to deny that I felt that way. But eventually I couldn’t lie to myself anymore and realized I was in love with her.Now to say our friendship is “close” would be an understatement, about a year ago they invited me to fool around with them under a blanket. A few other times they had me play “Sin Dreidels”, which is a couple’s foreplay game, where she volunteered to be my partner as well as my friend’s. So things like this have been going on for about a year, and my friend and his fiancé are usually the ones to suggest my involvement. But the farthest I’ve gone with his fiancée is oral sex.So for the end of the summer the three of us planed and went on a weeklong camping trip out in the woods. I decided that at some point I had to tell her about my feelings whether or not she would feel the same way or not. Then on the last day of the trip we were alone and talking in the tent, seeing this as my last and best chance, I confessed my feelings, and to my delight she said she had started feeling the same way about me. So now I don’t know what to do from here. I’m in love with my best friend’s fiancé, and I’m not sure how my best friend would act if he found out. I’m assuming he’s under the impression that anything that’s happened up to this point has been merely physical, and not really a threat to the relationship, and I don’t know how he’d react if he found out we both have romantic felling for each other. But now I feel like a horrible person, because I could end up really hurting my best friend, and permanently damage our friendship. But on the other hand, unrelated to this, their relationship has almost ended several times this summer. So this leaves me completely confused as of what to do.-Thank you all for any help.
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (14 September 2009):
 She said she had feelings, but did she say she was willing to leave her boyfriend for you? It might have been easier to say she felt the same way because you were going to be leaving soon anyway.And if she did, would you be ok with her being his "friend", as she has been yours? I presume you could (at best) hope for only a long distance relationship with her, since you've moved to a different school. Are they still going to be near each other?How would you feel if things did not work out with her and you lost both the friendship and the lover?Try doing nothing. If they end on their own and a few years pass and your friendship with him has drifted, but you still feel for her then you can act. Until then, you are headed for a world of tangled drama and presumable hurt.
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