A
female
age
26-29,
*oellabroome
writes:I don't know what to do. I am in love with my best friends brother and he likes me too. He has a fiance and a 2 year old son. I have felt like this about him since 3rd grade and i am going to be a senior. He has felt this way about me for the same amount of time.I'm stuck on what to do ):
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best friend, engaged, fiance, friend's brother Reply to this Question
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female
reader, joellabroome +, writes (10 July 2012):
joellabroome is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand what you all are saying. I appreciate what everyone is saying. Thank you. I will try to forget about him. I don't want to be another "option"
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): He said "You never know what might happen, people can change and feelings can change"What does he mean by that? If his feelings for his fiance change and things fall apart, you will be his next option. So just keep hanging on for me in case it ever comes to that? I thought he told you he doesn't love her?Honestly I think he's just keeping you sweet in case he ever needs someone to pick up the pieces when things fall apart at home.He's keeping his options open, and you are just that, an option!He says he doesn't love his fiance, and he only got engaged to her because she fell pregnant? Let's be honest here, if I was with someone I wasn't happy with, the last thing I would do is make a further commitment like get engaged.But do as you're doing, as you said you know what we are all saying but I get the impression you've got your mind made up anyway and you're going to go ahead and hang on for him. Its easier for people like us on the outside of a situation to see things clearer than someone in the thick of it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 July 2012):
 Ok he's not lying to YOU he's lying to her... does that make it better?
He's still capable of lying to someone he supposedly cares deeply about (the mother of his baby that he's ENGAGED to is of the belief that he loves her and wants to build a family with her)
so you want to know what to do?
easy:
stop texting with him
tell him that once he is apart from the mother of the baby with verifiable proof that he's single (not just his word or your friend's word) that you will consider dating him.
I gotta tell you though dating a friend's brother means when you break up it's awkward....
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A
female
reader, joellabroome +, writes (9 July 2012):
joellabroome is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand what everyone is saying. He is a good guy and everything. His fiance is amazing, but he messages me too. He admitted to me face to face his feelings for me. He said the reason he got with his fiance is because he felt like he had no chance with me. He is 19 and I am 17. I love his son to death, I would do anything for the 2 of them. His sister, my best friend, said that she would stick by me. She knows that I'm not trying to break up their relationship. I told him that I thought he should stay with his family even though I would rather him be with me. He just keeps saying " You never know what might happen, people can change and feelings can change". He has told me and his entire family that he doesn't even love her. He is just with her because she's the mother of his baby. He told everyone that the only reason they got engaged is because she got pregnant. They fight constantly. I have felt this strongly about him for 10 years. He has felt the same. I was just asking for advice on how to handle the situation. He has never lied to me before, I just don't know where to go from here.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (9 July 2012):
Hes engaged - I seriously doubt "he feels the same way about you" or he wouldnt be engaged to someone else. Word to the wise - never listen to what people say, watch what they do.
You need to move on. He is with someone else, is going to marry her, and has a child with her. You are his little sisters friend to him, and likely nothing more.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 July 2012):
You have a crush. He is engaged with a two year old. How old is he? You’ve had a crush on him since you were what about 8 or 9?
You say he’s felt this way about you too… so let’s say you were 9 when you got this crush on him and he was generously young say 12… still at an age when boys don’t really have much of an interest in girls….
So have you two talked about these mutual feelings?
For a boy in love with you, he still went out, found a woman to love and impregnate, have a child with, and get engaged to. Tell me again how you know he feels the same way about you?
Why is he with this other woman and THEIR baby if he loves you?
I'm thinking that you BELIEVE he feels the same way but actually have no proof of this...
oh and if you say "oh no he does, he's told me so"
then my question to you is... so he's LYING to you or to his fiancée right? Because if he's engaged to someone else, do you think he tells her he loves you? And if he tells you he loves you, why is he engaged to someone else?
See your problem?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): Well I guess you aren't here for advice then, but more for peoples approval of what your intentions already are?
Anyone would suggest you think this through deeply before acting on anything.
Do you not have a conscience?
Does your friendship not mean a thing to you?
Do you have self respect?
If this guy would be willing to leave his family behind to be with a teenager who has not even finished school yet (no disrespect) then he has some serious re-evaluation of his morals and priorities to do. And also what would make you think he wouldn't drop you like a hot plate if he became attracted to one of your mates or some other female if he would be willing to do it to his fiance and child?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): "I'm stuck on what to do ):"
Nothing. It's a schoolgirl crush; it may be long-standing, but you're still a schoolgirl. Anyway, he's your best friend's brother, and getting involved with him will inevitably place your friendship at serious risk. Are you willing to jeopardize your relationship with your best friend in order to chase after her engaged brother?
Besides, not only does he already have a fiance but he has a two-year-old son. Do you really want to break up an innocent child's home by stealing his father away from his mother?
Do you really want your best friend and her parents to hate you with a passion for the rest of their lives for doing that to her nephew and their grandson?
Do you really want to develop a well-deserved reputation as a slut AND a homewrecker while you're still in high school?
Even worse, do you really want to become a STEPMOTHER and have to care for a screeching wailing crying tantrum-throwing two-year-brat who isn't yours while you're still in high school?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): How do you know he likes you, has he actually told you this, or is it just mixed signals you're getting because that's what you hope to be the case?
You need to steer clear because you will be causing a whole lot of chaos if anything happened between you's.
Not only will you be breaking a family apart but you will most likely lose your best friend over this...just live and let live.
If it bothers you that much then avoid seeing the guy, simple.
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A
female
reader, joellabroome +, writes (9 July 2012):
joellabroome is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have already tried not talking to him, but I can't.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): He is engaged, so he is not free, so you leave him alone. Not only can you ruin his relationship, you can cause problems in his family and lose your best friend. If a man is taken, you stay away, end of story, and if he did leave his fiance to be with you, one day he would leave you for someone else.
So you do nothing and realise he is not free to like you, he has made a committment, so be polite when he is around and you need to be, but do not go beyond that, you will be the one who gets hurt and gets a bad reputation.
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