A
female
age
26-29,
*Jezz
writes:Ok, here it goes. I'm in love with my best friend's boyfriend and I don't know what to do, it hurts just to talk to him, he always says how he's useless and nobody needs him and that he's a waste of space and everytime I speak to him U just wanna say, your not, your not, I need you, I love you. Instead I end up saying Jade needs you she loves you. To make things worse he is also one of my BEST friend's and I know he doesn't love me like that. He is a lot older than me, well I'm 13 he's 17 and I know that Jade would never understand or forgive me for how I feel. Worst thing is that I helped bring them together, now whatever I do it seems as though I'm just going to lose 2 good friends, please don't send answers like "just talk it over with them both" or "talk to a good friend" cos that's what I think people will answer and these are both not possible! I'm so stuck! HELP!
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female
reader, EYpurple  +, writes (26 May 2009):
Hi im in the EXACT same postion... Only a little worse... See my best friend, shes basically my sister, is dating Rob who ive been in love with for a VERY long time. Rob was dating Riley for 8 months then, thanks to me, dumped her for Brit anyways she knew how i felt when she started dating him and so does he. The weird thing is that the three of us are still bffs and do EVERYTHING together. My advice is tell him! or at least tell jade!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008): You are in a tough situation. I know it because I remember my biggest crushes were when I was about your age. You must try to work with your feelings and keep being a good friend to both of them. From what you say it's clear this is becoming something very hard for you. You are afraid to lose their friendship even when they don't know about your feelings. It means you feel you are about to lose control of your feelings, but you have to be strong. There's no easy way out of this one. The only thing I can think of is something I did when I had a similar situation back in college when I kind of fell for a married classmate (I didn't know he was married) avoid him. Hey! You have to think about yourself first. Don't be so available for them both because when you see them togethe ror speak about their relationship it will only feed your pain. If I were you I'd get into different hobbies and try to meet new people just to keep my mind off of him and their relationship. Avoid, avoid, avoid. Avoid them, avoid talking to him and giving him advise and get out of the way of their relationship. Your emotional well being is your responsibility and their relationship is their responsibility. If they say something about your sudden distance tell them that you felt you needed to let them be alone for a while so their relationship would grow. I know you probably see them at school (maybe) everyday but try to make make most of your contact with them through email and messenger, and slowly dettach until you find someone special. It's for your own good.
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A
female
reader, Twilight#1 +, writes (6 December 2008):
 First off, don't be so hard on yourself. You can't help the way you feel, even if its your best friends boyfriend.
However loving a best friend boyfriend is very dangerous. It can create envy, resentment, rebellion, and most of all self-denial...
Unfortunately there is little you can do. You want to respect him, and your best friend and most importantly yourself. The best thing to do is not pursue anything with your friend. It will make your relationship weird on both ends.
Definitely do not tell your best friend that you love her boyfriend, this will create mistrust and again cause weird vibes and can most def. result in a broken friendship.
I know it hurts... when he talks about how he is a waste of space do tell him that he means something to you in a friendship way. There's nothing wrong with that.
and if things don't work out with your best friend and him, it still wont work because best friends boyfriends are off limits or usually are. Just try to let it go... its not easy at all. But your only 13 and there are plenty of good, attractive men heading your way... One day you're going to be so happy with a good guy... Might not be with the guy you want now, but feelings change, people change... Try to be optimistic!
Hope I helped
~Christine ^.^
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A
female
reader, Charleybabes0811 +, writes (6 December 2008):
Calm down!
You're young, and your feelings will most likely go away.
You say he doesnt love you like you love him, so don't do anything, if there is no hope like that, then why ruin two close friendships??
Maybe if in the future he showed an intrest, and wasnt with a friend, then go for it!
Jsut don't get with him just after they split up. Trust me, your friendship is way more important than a boy..
Ho's over Bro's :)
xx
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A
female
reader, sparkleworks  +, writes (6 December 2008):
 Tough situation to be in, I've had something very similar happen to me a year or so ago, and it definitely wasn't easy. When you're in such close contact with these people, it's hard to just forget about it and try to move on.
First of all, if you and he are such good friends, there's no harm in telling him that you need him and love him (in a platonic way) when he's feeling down. Maybe he feels that you blow him off by mentioning how his girlfriend feels when he's trying to open up to you; if you make it clear that you care about him a lot too, he might feel a lot more comfortable talking to you and the growth in your friendship could help it hurt you less.
I know you didn't come here wanting to hear a lot of crap about your age and how you can't be in love at 13... but maybe in this situation you should use it to your advantage. There's so much ahead of you and it's only a matter of time before you find someone that you can actually have to yourself. In the meantime, you just have to try to enjoy talking to and spending time with him as a friend, because he'll probably be in your life for a long time. Maybe you could try making sure that the two of you are always hanging together with a group of friends having fun, rather than spending time one-on-one, where things can get painful and awkward.
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