A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have fallen in love with my best friend. I have known my best friend for just under 10 years, and i have been in love with her for 6 of those years. She has been the greatest friend i could ever wished for. She recently threw me a surprise birthday party this year that was the best birthday i ever had. Afterwards several of my friends asked me if we had a romance, being that she went all out for me. i of course told the truth and said no (though i wish we did). Since then we have grew even closer and been spending more time together. A couple weeks ago she asked me if i wanted to go with her to a Co-workers house for a BBQ, i'd assume i would be playing the third wheel once again, only to find out that it was just me and her going. Which i didn't think think to much into, however when i was there all her co-workers knew me has if we already met and several couples at the bbq asked me if me and her were a couple, of course once again i told the truth about our relationship even though i wish we were. Just a few days ago she cut work to spend the day with me at the hospital while i stayed with my dieing grandmother. She told me that when we went too her co-workers bbq everyone also kept asking her if we were a couple, and of course a opening came up for me to tell her how i really feel, but of course i just froze and laughed it off. Then there was a awkward moment of silence and another opportunity slipped away. Alot of my friends say they can see we have something, and her X boyfriend dumped her because of jealously he had over our relationship. I have never made a move on her, though iv wanted too for years and still feel guilty about being part of the reason they broke up.I keep telling myself that she is engaged and i need to stop having these feelings, but no matter what i do, no matter what i keep telling myself i cannot get rid of this feeling. Truth is there is nothing in this world or life i wouldn't do for her, even if that means never seeing her again if that means she will live a happy life. But the fact is im so in love with her i cant see a life without her in it. Everytime i see her my heart flutters and i even get nervous, after all these years. What should i do guys? Am i a bad person for having these feelings? Is it worth risking everything for a chance to have a love i believe only comes around once in a lifetime?
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best friend, broke up, co-worker, engaged, grandmother, jealous, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CupidGirl826 +, writes (7 September 2009):
Let me know what happened, Labor Day Weekend, you must have found sometime to tell her - update this thread.
A
female
reader, CupidGirl826 +, writes (3 September 2009):
When's a right time? After she's married and has about 5 kids? You're stalling, you and I both know that.What's so hard to bring it up, next time you get a bite to eat together, or hell, have about 20 minutes to spare with her. It's been almost a week since you posted, if you didn't find the right time in 6-10 years, you ain't going to find it now.DO IT...update me, on this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIv decided im going to tell her, but waiting on the right time.
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A
female
reader, CupidGirl826 +, writes (2 September 2009):
Hey OP, let us know what you decided to do. Did you tell her yet?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for taking time to read and post. Guess there really is one thing to do now. I just hope i can do it.
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A
male
reader, urbanking99  +, writes (31 August 2009):
First thing is your friend still engaged because you mention that her ex dumped her. If she is still engaged then I feel it is probably best to say nothing and remain the caring friend that you are. I too recently have been in a similar quandary. But I have admitted to my Best Friend that I am in love with her. I have know her for 20 years but have only fallen for her in the last 2 years. However I have in the past couple of months had to come to the realisation that she is not in love with me and she has found someone else she is in love with. Even though I love her, I love her enough to respect her desire and passions and I have told her I will have to step back and not see or visit her for a while, to allow her to build her relationship with this new man. It was the toughest situation of my life having to say this to her.You have admitted to yourself that you are in love with her and no, you are not a bad person for having these feelings. Real love always comes along in the most unexpected of circumstances and it has twice for me, although it was 20 years between the two. This is another reason it made it so difficult for me to step back. Your second paragraph entirely describes how I feel about my Best Friend.I hope you manage to find the courage to tell her how you feel because if you don't, you may not know how she really feels about you.
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A
female
reader, CupidGirl826 +, writes (31 August 2009):
Hello, 6 years of being in love, is one hell of a long time. 10 years of knowing someone where it's just platonic is one hell of a long time, lol.I'm 22/F. I have a friend that I've known for 8 months (he's 27). We were both single when we had met. However, as time went on, I had met somebody. I thought he was a friend, so yeah, I would talk to him about the guy I was seeing.As time went on and it got more serious (he got more jealous apparently, but I didn't know that), all of a sudden my friend starts confessing his love for me. Things I would never imagined him to tell me. I mean he was speaking from his heart, and I listened. I didn't feel it was awkward, I didn't feel he should be embarrassed about it. I wasn't embarrassed about it, we had known each other too long for us to ever feel odd around each other.If I liked him, would I have ever made a move? No. I'm just more traditional, I feel if a guy is interested he should approach and try to put in effort in the beginning. To me that shows he's really interested, and I've never been a man-chaser, I'm actually pretty shy/quiet.I didn't have that connection with my friend though. We talked about a lot, we spent time together, but I just didn't have those feelings toward him. The guy I had met is my first love, and I know what chemistry is now. Me and my friend didn't have it.I just told him, I just don't feel that way about him. To him, he felt it was really awkward after telling me what he did - I told him, don't feel that way. I'm your friend, and I'm here. If you need time, that's ok. If you can't handle being around me anymore because it hurts you, that's ok too. I just want you happy, but I'm not that girl for you.I think 6 years has been hell of a long time to hold in your true feelings. I think you should tell her, she deserves the right to know. She may have felt the same way about you, but didn't want to pursue it because she may not of known you felt the same way. Just keep an open-mind. Be ready for a "yes" and be prepared for a "no." But don't let that one chance pass you by. It's better to have a "no" than a "what-if." I'm still friends with that guy. We still talk, just like we did before. Nothing has changed between us. I think the same way about him. I don't think of him any less. And it's not awkward to be around him. I just felt he deserves finding someone that's as crazy about him as he is about me. Let her know what you feel...
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