A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, I have gotten myself into a huge mess and I'm hoping for some outside input please, and this could be a long one. Okay for starters prior to all this, my boyfriend and I had been together going on five years, we live together and all that. I love him, I really do, but I haven't been happy with him in what feels like years. He is three years older than me and I have been with him since I was a sophomore in high school...the main thing that attracted me to him was that he was older..its always been a thing of mine...we did great for a long time and were very in love but as usual things began going downhill and I kept telling myself things will change they will get better and here I am almost six years later still saying all that..I think i've gotten to the point where I feel like i've wasted my time and energy on someone who is never going to grow up and be a real man..I have told and told him for over a year now that I wasn't happy and every time he pleads with me to stay and says he will change and I believe him...i've even posted on here several times about our problems over the years...anyways things really changed this past week..his friend has been living with us on and off while he gets on his feet because he is the military and has been gone and the friend and I have been becoming close just as friends lately and he has told me he is here for me when I need someone and so the other night I began texting him while my boyfriend and I were fighting and I already had been thinking that things were at an end for me and him right now until he actually changes, and the friend was trying to help me get through to my boyfriend..well it didn't work and we broke up and he had to go out of town the next day...well you can guess it..I got with my boyfriends friend...I know its terrible and I shouldn't have but it just so unexpectedly happened and I haven't been happy in so long let alone actually had sex..and it was mind blowing and I have never felt that connected with someone and before it happened and after there was just more emotionally going on and I have developed feelings for this friend and he feels the same..and I know its insane and that most of you are probably rolling your eyes but its like we fell in love. He made me laugh and smile more in a few days than my boyfriend has in years.. I feel on top of the world when I'm with this guy..how could I not have felt like this in the past? And how can I feel so awful about doing something that felt so right? I'm just not sure what to do now..my boyfriend came back in town and he wants to work things out..and I really don't think I do. I feel like I'm being held back from life by staying with him..and I want to know what it would be like to give this guy or another guy a chance and actually be happy and feel loved...how can I tell my boyfriend or ex however you wanna say it? We have to live together until our lease is up and I don't know what to do. I want this other guy and he wants to be together too or try to be..I don't want to hurt my boyfriend more than I need to and he can never know what happened.. any thoughts at all would be appreciated..as you can tell from this erratic message I need anything I can get. Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (17 February 2012):
 Glad that helps. But remember: the boyfriend is an EX boyfriend.
Just start with that, stick with it, and the rest will follow. Do it. It will be worth it. You won't regret it. And you are really young, and relatively new to all of this. I wish someone had told me what I know now. Sometimes you have to be seemingly cruel, to be kind to your ex and yourself in the long run. Just say no, and sit it out. Hum a tune. Block your ears. Wait. The storm will pass. It always does.
Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for writing back..I feel the same way that I should stay out while I'm out its just so hard especially since were living here together and if my situation wasn't twisted enough...the day my boyfriend came back is the day the friend left for a 3 day retreat..so its been rather weird being here with boyfriend while the friend is gone and I have so many feelings for him and see me and him all over our house all the while boyfriend won't understand that were not together and it just as if there's no one to talk to about it..everyone around me is to biased. But thanks so much for your imput. It make me feel a little better already.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (16 February 2012):
You MUST be strong and not get back with your ex. You managed to make the break. Don't let all that effort be in vain.
Have no doubt: the guy who was your boyfriend is not for you. He is not your man. You shouldn't be with him. It is right not to be with him. It will all just go back to the same, and then you'll have to escape again. Now you are out, STAY OUT.
They all try to get back with us by making us feel guilty and sorry for them. We feel mean, so we give in. I wasted 6 years of my life like that. DON'T do it.
Your ex will live. He will be fine. He just needs to know that no really is no.
As for the other guy, he sounds great. But I don't know how you'll be able to keep it secret. In time, if it works out, it will come out.
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