A
male
age
36-40,
*hein613
writes:Hello, my name is Tyler and here's my story…it’s pretty long so bear with me. About this time last year I started working at a company with few other employees…one to be exact it was just me this other gentleman and our boss so naturally I became very close to my co-worker and his family. Now to my problem after knowing them for about 6 months I started to become attracted to his fiancée and turns out the feelings were mutual. Now I would never be one to come between a couple married or otherwise. But since they were having trouble and continue to do so and seeing they are not married just engaged I felt it was fair game. I feel a little back story on her is necessary she has one daughter with a previous relationship and now she has a one year old son with the man she’s with now. Also she has several illnesses that prevent her from being as active as she would like, the major of them being Lupus. Any way since this was around the holidays she told me to wait after Christmas (they were going to his family’s in Kentucky and didn’t want to ruin the trip for the kids.) She told me she would leave him after they got back to Michigan and we could be together. Now things just keep coming up I’m not sure if she’s just stringing me along or if there are really all these problems that as she says are “unavoidable” I mean first it was we had to wait for them to get back from down south, then he got hurt and couldn’t work so she couldn’t put him out with no way earn a living, then she comes to me saying she has colon cancer and doesn’t know what the Doc’s are going do. Now she’s telling me she’s waiting for a settlement check from her previous employer for an on the job injury so she can kick him out and not have to worry about having to go without money (I know that last one is true because my co-worker had said something to me while I was working him). She tells me she does want to be with me and it’s just that she just needs to get things in order before she kicks him out. I want to believe her I just don’t know anymore. I don’t know if she’s just scared or she’s one of these women that are just “comfortable” and doesn’t want to risk it. Now we’ve both clearly expressed the want to be together, we email and call each other. And we’ve even set up times where we meet for lunch. I’ve given up several things in my life for the chance to be with this woman I quit my job and lost what I thought was a very good friend. So I don’t know what to do I really love this woman and I don’t want to think about moving on. But I don’t know if I should continue to put myself thru this pain every day. I don’t want to push her to do something that she’s not ready to do or doesn’t want to do just for the sake of being with her so any advice would be much appreciated.Thanks, Tyler
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male
reader, thein613 +, writes (19 April 2010):
thein613 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can understand where she's coming from the kids well being comes first they need the basic necessities of life, and I firmly believe that no man should ever come between a mother and her children I just hope that when she becomes financially independent that she's able to leave this man. He treats her like a second class citizen and I have no respect for men who treat women in such a manner. I just wouldn't understand if the time comes that she can leave and doesn't do so I can't comprehend why women continue to stay in a relationship they are unhappy with. I guess its just a matter of being convenient. Still I love her and hope for her sake that she is able to get out of this emotionaly abusive relationship. It kills me to see her under so much stress on top of the stress that she has with all of her health issues. I look past all of the things that she feels will "scare" me away and I just see her for the amazing person that she is.
A
female
reader, Isa123 +, writes (19 April 2010):
 Ouch. To be honest, it sounds to me she's stringing you along. She has two children. One from a different man. It's going to be obvious that these men will come in your life with her (if you two end up together) because of the children. So there's no avoiding them.
Okay, you've done your part. You've given up your job, friend, everything to be with this woman. Now be careful. She keeps making promises and then something "comes up" last minute. It sounds to me that she isn't truly ready to make this giant move because of everything that is going on.
If I were you, I'd tell her to get her life on track. Of course, continue talking and all. But don't give up your own life. Still go to work, live, be with your friends, etc. But be there for her when she's ready and you are too. Tell her that she needs to get things under control and that she truly needs to be ready. She has two children!
Good luck to you!
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