A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have quite a few problems I'd like to sort out. I'll try to present them cohernetly, but they may get a bit muddled as they are sort of joined...To start with, I fell in love with this female teacher. I know it wasn't a crush or obsession, but it's not like the love I've been feeling recently. It's not family-like love, so I really don't know what to call it. She taught me for a year, and probably worked out that I liked her, alongside most of my friends. Then, the next year, she didn't teach me. I still saw her loads because of various reasons. A bit before the start of the summer term, whatever I felt for her started to weaken. This was because of someone else.In about November, I joined this online forum. I made a load of friends, and then during the spring term, after Christmas, I couldn't get on for ages because of art coursework. Because of this I asked for my friends' mobile numbers, so I could keep in contact with them if stuff like that happened again. There was one girl I really clicked with. We texted loads, then stopped when I went to Canada in the Easter holidays. Then started again as soon as I got back. One evening I decided to tell my best friend I was gay. She was really supportive, and didn't care. Me telling her this was quickly followed by the other girl telling me she loved me. I loved her too.We hadn't even seen photos of each other at this point, so it wasn't lust or anything. I'm pretty certain it's proper love. Our relationship was fine for a while, which meant I was beginning to care less and less about this teacher. But that term (Summer Term) I had rounders with her. That didn't make any difference to begin with.We (me and the girl) had ups and downs. Everything was pretty much okay until a few eeks after half term. Then she told me she didn't love me. I spent about the next two days crying lamost solidly. This was at school, whcih you can imagine didn't go down to well. I ended up telling all my friends I was gay and about this girl. I don't know how, but it spread around the whole year.A few days later, she changed her mind, or appeared to. Then a week or two later she said that when she'd been saying "ily", since the previous fight, she'd meant as a friend. I came into school crying again. I spent the end of the rounders session crying, and the teacher was really nice to me. She said that if I ever wanted to talk about it, to come and find her. (I didn't tell her why I was crying).This made me start to like her again.I had a very confusing relationship with this girl. I felt like I was getting mixed signals, but I now understand that she doesn't love me. This caused me to self harm for a few days, as I found it the only way to stop the emotional pain I was feeling. We were talking tonight, and she said that talking to me just makes her mad. I still look forward to talking to her- I'm still in love with her. She's said she wants to stop talking, but I don't know if I can cope without her.My questions are probably:1) Why did she stop loving me?2) Is there any way I can make her start loving me again?3) How can I stop feeling this way about my teacher?4) How do I cope if I do have to stop talking to this girl?I'm sorry if that was all confusing.Thanks,Ashley.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionStuff has changed a bit...she did say she didn't want to talk to me any more, so we cut off contact for about 3 days. We were still both going on the internet forum where we first met, and were playing all the classic forum games, like "Have You Ever" and "The Person Below Me", and we sorta started to have a conversation between our answers and questions. Then she started talking to me on msn. We've been texting and stuff again, but I'm trying not to jump ahead. But she's started giving mixed signals again! She says the stuff that she would always say to get me to say I love her. I deliberatly haven't been replying like that because I don't want to get hurt anymore, but it really feels like she wants to know I still love her. I don't know if that is because she likes me, or just because she wants to know someone loves her. She's so confusing!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): Right now i am in the same sort of situation. I know this girl who i am friends with so far about 7 months or so and i started to like her. She is really sweet and kind. I dont't know if i should tell her how i feel though because she keeps asking me who i like and i dont want to tell her thats it her though. Anyways as i am the same age as you, i would say if you dont already play sports then you should. The girl i like plays all the sports i play so we have alot in common! plus when you meet girls playing sports the tend to have a more male side to them. This might help you to relize your situation and take your mind off things. Then as you are more focused you will look at life and relationships differently. Ok email me at [email address blocked] if you need a shoulder to cry on ok :) dont be sad :(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): Thanks for your answers, but I'm not completely sure about 1. She said she loved me first, and we then had over a month of exchanging text messages that were completely loved up. We live about 200 miles apart, so she didn't know anyone at my school, and just said she felt a bit guilty because it was her fault it all came out. So I don't think it was that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): 1.I think she maybe just thought of you as a bit of fun unfortunately then got scared when the `youre gay` thing went round the school and she got embarassed and she backed off.
2.well...try talking to her and ask her if it was all just a fling to her or experimenting.
3.so you like a teacher? it doesnt matter if all you have is just a crush.shes most likely not going to do anything as she`ll get fired if she does.shes just trying to be supportive to one of her students so just sit back and appreciate it.theres no problem in liking this teacher.
4.you will move on eventually.yes it will be hard but remember you are liking someone else already.dont self harm anymore though as it can cause scars and bad bleeding if you do it too deep and its emotionally bad for you.
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