A
male
age
,
*oeshere
writes:I have been seeing a married woman for about 4 months. We both started the relationship for the same reasons. I started my divorce and she went back to her marriage. This girl is the woman of my dreams. We both know that this is a once in a lifetime love. We have stopped seeing each other numerous times and end up back seeing each other. I am absolutely crazy for this woman and WE both feel the same way. I just seen her the other night and I can read her eyes like a book. When we together it is the greatest on all levels, laughter, talking, dreams, goals, sex (which is wow) friends, caring....She started to leave her husband and acutally moved out for a couple of weeks telling him she wanted a divorce. Her words, he wore me down and after 20 years of marriage she felt she had to do the right thing and give it one last try. That was a week ago and we seen each other the night before last. I cant get this girl out of my mine! I know what we have is too good to be true, I know she loves me and when were together she says it all the time. This is like a drug addiction, I had my withdraws last week, but had another fix and now wanting her more! I am confused and cant leave her alone!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2012): Divorce is very hard for some people to do. Especially women. We are programmed not to let people down. Divorce is all about letting someone down. She may also be feeling guilty that there's another man at the root of her journey. Maybe she's waffling because she's worried that she's getting swept away by the affair and one day (when it's too late" she'll wake up and think "OMG, what have I done?" No matter how great you are, she is still unsure if she's making the right decision. I say this from experience. I knew I wanted out of my marriage years before I finally took the plunge but I did not want to be alone. For years I was "shopping" for another man. When I finally found him I didn't immediately jump into divorce. Luckily the man was patient and didn't rush me. I moved into his house, never telling my husband where I was actually living. It wouldn't have mattered even if I had moved into an apartment, I still would not have told him where because I knew he'd stalk me trying to win me back. This made it gradual yet it felt like forward motion. I lived with him for 5 years and then finally filed for divorce. This not only gave me time to get my head around it and process all my grief and disappointment but it helped my husband learn to develop a life without me before it became "final". I had to help him set up automatic bill pays for all the expenses of the house. I rented a Uhaul and moved a few things out one day when he was at work (yes I had already told him I was moving out) but I didn't want to haggle over which couch I was taking (we had three) so I took a few things just in case my relationship didn't work out and I actually had to move into an apartment. Plus it meant less to divide later. Also if things hadn't worked out with my new man, it would have been easier to move into my own place, since I'd already made the major move out of my married home. So there may still be hope if you can wait it out. Good luck.
A
male
reader, joeshere +, writes (7 August 2012):
joeshere is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate everyones comments and thank you for replying. We both have ended this affair 4x times and within a week it comes back. I realize "I signed up for this" and maybe my posting just sharing the reality of confusion. Your comments have shined a light. I cant wait around living in a dream and daily confusion........
Thanks again!!!
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (7 August 2012):
 I guess the important question to ask is if she is going to leave her husband or is she going to stay? It may be like a drug addiction, but when she leaves you for good, you are going to seriously emotionally distraught and not making jokes on an advice site. This is one of the problems with affairs. At some point, someone decides she is going back to her husband or just doesn't want the affair anymore. Then the other partner is left confused and emotionally devastated.
Coming out of an emotional affair a few years ago, I can speak from experience that they are not fun. It pains me to say that this is what you have signed up for, but THIS IS WHAT YOU SIGNED UP FOR. She was married, you knew it, and no matter how good everything is and how much you are destined to be together, the reality is she is still with her husband and may never leave.
With that being said, I am not exactly sure what your question is. If you can't leave her alone then be prepared for confusion and heartache because that is all these situations produce.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 August 2012):
 You've made statements but have not asked a question.
do you have a question?
what can we help you with?
Sadly for you she is married and while she's cheating on her husband with you, clearly she has enough feelings for her husband that they are trying to make it work...
so are you asking us how to get a woman who is willing to lie and cheat on a long term spouse to be with you?
or are you asking us for how to prepare for when she leaves her husband and comes to you, and then cheats on you how to cope with that?
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