A
female
age
51-59,
*rinces
writes:I have a difficult situation, I am a 36 year old woman that has been in a relationship for 8 years, we live together. Over the years I have lost interest in him b/c he has a medical problem that is preventing us from having an intimate relationship. He can get help for it but he is taking his time and I feel like he does not take me seriously when I tell him how important sex and intimacy is to me. Three years ago, I met a 33 year old man, that I became friends with, that is married with four kids (kids do not bother me). We started spending some time together and realized how much we cared for one another and how attracted we were, mentally and physically. We came close to sex many times but mutually never went through with it. We lost touch for almost a year then he called me last June and told me that he missed me! He also told me that he loved me and always had! Which shocked me! Well after about 6 months in December we finally slept together! It was the best sex I had ever had in my life! He cared during, he looked into my eyes the whole time as if he were so in love with me and me into his. We actually made love and it felt so good. The best part for me was just lying in his arms. We had an in debth discussion about never having sex again b/c of our situations and we agreed that we wouldn’t. He text me a few days later for small talk like we always do but a few days after that, he told me that he wanted to see me. I told him no b/c I was bloated (time of the month coming up) so I didn’t want to see him retaining water! He said ok! Then the next morning at an odd time (8.30am on a Sunday) he text me, “I woke up and realize that I am messing up. I quit, well he is married, what could I say to that? So I replied,”ok”, then he replied back, ”ok”, as if he expected me to fight it, but I did not. Now he has NEVER in three years text me on a Sunday!Why do I say that? BECAUSE I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT HE IS A PASTOR!I know I sound crazy! And what good can possibly come out of this? Believe me, I ask God constantly for forgiveness and to take these feeling for this man out of me but I cannot stop thinking about him, when I wake, when I eat, when I dream, shower, etc. We have not talked or text in a week and I have cried, it’s been terrible. I have to hide my phone from myself b/c I keep looking at the damn thing! Looking for his text, I will not call him though and disrespect what he has said. He has told me that he loves me a couple of times and I have told him. When we see each other, he stares at me constantly! He doesn’t know that I see him doing it but I see it in my peripherals. He is always telling me how beautiful and sexy I am. We have the best conversations all the time, we both are business owners, of the same type of business! ( that I will not mention just in case someone we know will read this, then figure out who we are)I don’t want him to leave his wife but sleeping with me, I know that he is not in love with her, even though he has loyalty to the family. I also love my man at home but not in love with him, I have invested so much in him, I really don’t want to leave him either. He also knew that I had been involved with the Pastor b/c I told him, that is how open the communication is in the relationship. I have a rare man at home, he actually blamed himself b/c he knew it happened b/c of our sex life. Basically, I wish I knew what this man was thinking, we are so on again off again! It’s driving me crazy! I don’t expect much from him but I just miss his textS... I miss him.
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female
reader, Princes +, writes (13 January 2009):
Princes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Gina! I appriciate your kind and honest answer! I forgot to mention that I have a teenage daughter as well. My boyfriend has a 21 year old and a 19 year old that live in a diferent state than us but they are closer to me than their own mother,,,,,so we have alot invested in the relationship not just the two of us. The medical problem my boyfriend has is that he is on methadone, which stems from a herion addiction before we got togther. I constantly tell him how it is deteriating his bones first and ruining our life second (b/c it takes your sex drive)but he is not making the effort that he should in working to detox off of it. He is to accustom to taking it everyday. He is detoxing off of it but this has been going on for 1 year now. I love him but I don't know if I have the patients to continue to wait any longer. As for the Pastor, I knew already what you wrote! I guess I just needed to read it from someone else. It's been a long time, years that I have ever been clouded on a decision. Needing an opinion by another person. Nine days now! It's getting easier! I have to build up my strength b/c I don't know what my move will be if he calls me. I know what it should be but what will it be?
Princess
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