A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have never had a boyfriend and I am still a virgin despite being 20 years old. I fell in love with one of the first guys who ever talked to me in high school, even though we never talked much. We just had two classes together and he would sometimes try to be flirty. I noticed that at prom he was looking at me but he had asked another girl out. After graduation he texted me saying that I was cute and then he started calling me at night and I would get extremely nervous. I ended up telling him I was a virgin and he said he respected me more. Anyways, we texted every night for a year and then all of a sudden he quit. He stopped talking to me and he said it's because he respected me too much. He wanted me for sex and he felt bad. I fell in love with him in the process to the point of an obsession. I would always look him up to at least know about him( stalker I know)) on Facebook and other places and I found out his address, so I decided to go to his house with my BFF and I left him a note with my initials telling him I loved him. He got really creeped out and he blocked me on Facebook. I tried calling but he never answered and he told me to never text him again. I promised to God I wouldn't bother him again and I wouldn't send letters to his house anymore. But it really hurts. I know he is notthe right guy for me because he wanted me fr sex and he wanted phone sex from other girls whom he was talking to through webcam. Despite this I still love him. Can someone help me? I don't know what to do and he always ignores and blocks me. Should I just give up on someone I totally fell in love with ?
View related questions:
facebook, fell in love, flirt, never had a boyfriend, phone sex, still a virgin, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2014): Thanks for answering, I really appreciate it. Yeah I guess I am just lonely and desperate, but I really do have the best heart. And I was obsessive and guess obsessions are not really love. I am just going to forget the whole relationship idea and just focus on what I need to focus on. And I do get attached easily, that's my downfall I guess because I am not experienced. Thanks :)
THANKS ALL! :)
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 June 2014):
 It's not love you feel it's lust and infatuation.
YOU already know that he wasn't good news for you. The fact that he was HONEST about his intentions (use you for sex) should be a HUGE clue.
The guy is smart enough to understand that IF he made the mistake of having sex with you (and yes, it would be a mistake for BOTH of you) he would have been "stuck" with you. He doesn't WANT to be stuck with you. He doesn't want to DATE you or be your BF. WHY do you think he ONLY called you at night? Late? Because he didn't WANT you to be PART of his life.
Like WiseOwlE said, if a GUY really likes you he will WANT to be around you, go out with you, met your friends and family, not just talk to you in the dark.
You need to de-friend and BLOCK him from Facebook. NOT because he really did anything seriously wrong, but because having him ON your Facebook and other social media makes you into some sort of crazed obsessed girl acting like a pre-teen over a boyband.
The guy realized if he continued to "pretend' to be your pal, you would take it as him LOVING you. He didn't LOVE you. So that is why he freaked out and dropped the contact.
YOU need to RESPECT that and do the same.
He wasn't it for you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2014): If someone tells you not to text or call them again, that is what you do. You didn't have to come to this website to ask that.
You are not in-love with him. You are fixated. His rejection makes you feel hated; but it doesn't go that far. He is uncomfortable about your coming to his house, and leaving a note that said you're "in-love." He also realizes he has no reciprocal feelings for you, and the night-calls were veiled booty-calls. Waiting for you to submit and invite him over. He decided to give up and not take advantage of you; by his own admission.
It is a little unhealthy to go so far as to sneak around someone's home, or "stalk" them in anyway. Your intentions are purely innocent; but it would not come across that way to the person on the receiving-end. It's best to allow a guy to show you how he feels about you by his actions. Just having good talks means nothing. He only called you at night, and he never asked to take you out. You are so lonely and isolated, you fixated on the only guy giving you any attention. Slightly desperate, but understandable. I honestly do understand how you feel.
I recommend that you don't go around telling guys you're a virgin; until the matter of intimacy arises after a few serious dates. You are the kind of person who will probably attach her feelings very quickly when a guy shows you attention. You obviously have little to no dating experience; and that is why you develop feelings of attachment so easily. You are too eager to have a boyfriend; and you will jump at every guy who offers you his time, or will talk with you over an extended period.
You have to learn to calm yourself. Pace your feelings. Act with thought and deliberation. Slow down and evaluate what a guy's intentions are toward you. They will have sex with you, and have nothing else to do with you; if you behave so foolishly.
You are twenty years old and quite naive. That is no excuse for behaving childishly. This is your body, your feelings, and your safety we're discussing here.
I called it "foolish;" because it is not using thought or reason. Just giving into your emotions. That is dangerous for a female. You have to let your head rule your heart, not the other way around, my dear.
You want a man to respect you and have feelings for you. When you are ready to commit and offer yourself, it may not be the perfect situation you imagine; but it is best that it will be with someone who truly cares for you, the same way you care for him.
It is very possible for it to be under these conditions. So you don't have to rush anything; or feel anxious to attach your feelings to the first guy who gives you a few minutes of his time. You are no longer a child. You are a young woman; who just happens to be a virgin. That doesn't make you weird, or mean you have to prove anything to anyone.
Females on a mission to lose their virginity often end-up pregnant, physically or emotionally-traumatized; or worse.
Not to say that you are, but you may feel pressured to have a man care for you. So your sexual-inexperience leaves you quite vulnerable.
Let men get to know you, don't bait them with letting on you're a virgin. You'll get them to stick around, but there will be nothing on their mind but taking your virginity for bragging-rights. Then you'll be writing another post about that. It feels awful being used, dismissed,and/or avoided after sex.
There is no rush to give up your virginity, until you are ready. Once you have found someone who cares about you enough to be gentle and respectful of your feelings. Before and after sex.
The trouble with our society is we want immediate gratification; and everything must happen "right now." We want to take short-cuts and bypass warnings or
ignore red-flags. We just want a boyfriend or girlfriend at all costs. Even if they don't feel the same way we do; we just want someone to label our boyfriend or girlfriend. That's not smart. Not in the least. In fact, I will go as far as to call it stupid behavior. Letting the heart run wild; then getting run-over by a bus in the process. You guard and protect your feelings; because sometimes people hurt you.
That trauma can cause you problems maintaining healthy relationships from that point on. They can rob you of your ability to trust; and recognize when true feelings come your way. Most of our letters from OP's are due to their trust issues. They've been hurt several times over, and they feel damaged.
If it takes time, wait it out. Your virginity is not up for grabs, and it is not a bargaining chip. It is your gift. It is best surrendering your innocence to someone who has reciprocated by surrendering his heart and feelings to you.
He will prove it to you by his actions. He will invite you out, spend his time with you, and he will go out of his way to show you what you mean to him.
It will not necessarily be like in the movies; but it can be absolutely wonderful. It should leave you feeling cared for, and not used. I've said all this; because I know that the man who takes your virginity will also steal your heart in the process. I don't want that to happen to you. You were concerned and smart enough to come to the agony aunts and uncles to help you figure it all out. I hope I was of some help.
...............................
A
male
reader, wise-guy  +, writes (1 June 2014):
It's stories like this that really makes me think us guys are jerks, I mean how low and horrible of him - the only good and semi noble thing he's done is stop leading you on because he knew all he wanted from you was sex.
Fear not however, not all of us are sex obsessed jerks :) you stick to your moral compass - sounds like it's on the right heading.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2014): I'm really sorry. He wanted you for sex and that's all there is for it, these type of guys will tell you your cute etc. to get you in bed. Remember a guy doesn't even have to like you to sleep with you. It must hurt a lot to love someone who doesn't love or even like you back. Are you sure you love him or is it an obsessive big crush, because we sometimes mix the two of them. He is not worth your time or love because someone deserves it more than him. I hate guys like him, they annoy me and make me mad and crazy at the say time. Don't even label him as someone you love, label him as scum, because that's what he is!
It's easier to say that do something, so I can't just tell you, there are other guys, plenty of fish in the sea etc. because it's one thing saying it and doing it. My mom loved someone(her first boyfriend) who just wanted sex when she was 22, he left her after 3 months and she was heartbroken. She married my dad at 29 and lost her virginity at 30. No problem. Don't lose your virginity to any guy, hang in there, you are rare because you haven't had sex (it's a good thing) because it shows strength and self respect. Keep your virginity until marriage, I beg you, having sex with a guy just to get him to love you won't work. This is extremely attractive to a guy because it shows that a girl loves and respects herself. A guy will love you, even if you don't have sex before marriage, it's not lame, it's good. You only have one virginity. Your time will come too don't worry, all in good time.
And about that guy - do your best to forget about him, go out with some friends, and remember, only time heals heartbreak.
ps. This will make you stronger and wiser, let go of the past, create a new future and allow yourself to grow spiritually. xx
14 year old girl.
...............................
A
female
reader, Satina  +, writes (1 June 2014):
from your question what i've understood is that you're a very good girl. there are many boys who focus only on sex when dating. but every boys respects good girls in their mind and they don't wish to make them bad. in my opinion,this boy is completely a bad boy and his main aim in life is sex. he wants girls only for that. and we can find a lot of such kind of girls in today's world. so he don't want you because he know that you're not his cup of tea. leave it. he's not the one for you. and thank god that he had left you. stick to your moral values and i'm sure you'll meet the right person.
...............................
|
