A
female
age
26-29,
*oseLovex
writes:Here goes i was talking to this amazing lad for about a year on facebook yesterday we met uo for about 5 minutes and i felt something ive never felt with anyone else before and i know i love him its not lust etc, and i know he doesnt feel the same, and whenever he has a girlfriend he flirts with all other girls aswell, saying he loves them etc, but no matter through that he is still perfect apart from that and i am really stuck with what to do :( if i tell him i might lose him :( and he might think im wierd and he doesnt feel the same and uggh i don't want to ruin anything
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2012): He loves the attention from all the girls, so he will probably love It if you told him how you feel. He may even "expect it" if he has such a high opinion of himself.
Problem is, what would you want or expect from him if he likes the idea that you like him? A relationship would seriously be off the cards because from the sound of it, he can't get enough of girls, and isn't content with just one girl (and to be honest, who can blame him at his age assuming he's 16-17)
You're also obviously struggling to be friends with him, feeling the way you do. Possibly the best thing to do is save yourself a whole lot of heartache and time, and move in another direction from him, he WON'T be you're "PERFECT" guy.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 October 2012):
 Ok let's try to bring you back to reality without being too "mean"
1. you have met him IRL for 5 minutes... after a year...
how far apart do you two live in the first place? if it's less than an hour and it took a year for him to meet you and the meeting was only 5 minutes (was it planned)... honey you have a crush on a boy that is not that into you.
RULE NUMBER ONE: a boy/man that is interested in you will do everything in his power to be with you, to talk to you, to see you. He's not doing that.
2. You say you love him.... NO you don't. You THINK you do. And I understand that.. it's hormones... you really want to be close to him.. you want him to hug you and kiss you and tell you how much he cares for you and want to be close to you... that's not love sweetie..
RULE NUMBER TWO: love takes time to grow. love needs two people who are involved in it together to grow... love is about taking care of each other when you are sick... and putting up with bad things as well as good things... love has NOTHING to do with being close or wanting sex or thinking they are the hottest thing around.... love is not about seeing them as perfect... that's not what love is...
I love my husband. I question it all the time... he's so far from perfect he's probably in last place... he has all these faults.. but I still love him.
YOU don't see ANYTHING wrong with this boy you have the hots for. The fact that he cheats on his girlfriend makes him so far from perfect it's not funny.. and yet you make excuses for him... why? if he was YOUR boyfriend he would probably cheat on you too..... is that perfect?
3. If I tell him I might lose him
RULE NUMBER THREE: being honest with a partner does not mean you risk losing them if it's a true and honest adult relationship... you must have communication and honesty in order to be in a true adult relationship.
you can't lose what you don't have and you know you don't have him...
you say you can't tell him you might lose him and you don't want to ruin anything...
what is there to ruin?
you have a crush on a boy who is a player... who lies and cheats... who doesn't feel the same way about you that you feel about him.
I know that it seems like the end of the world right now.
my best advice: write this all down.. how much you love him how you feel about him.. why you love him and feel this way... EVERYTHING.... write it all down... SEAL it in an envelope and write on the front... open when I am 30...
do so... hopefully you will enjoy it as much I enjoyed reading my old writings at that age... and I laughed at myself and how intensely I thought i was feeling for people I barely remember now....
I say these things because while you don't believe me I've been your age... I felt these feelings... and it seems like yesterday I was 17... I'm 52 now...
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (21 October 2012):
 HI
Obviously this boy is still playing the field, he seems like a guy who probably don't have confidence so the only way he boosts himself his flirtting with all the girls. Right now I would NOT tell him you love him, he will run a mile. But I would casualy say in convo that you think his great, and that if his free one day would he fancy going pictures or skating, or whatever it is you both enjoy for a past time activity. Personally I would wait for a guy tht I knew felt the same way, and who isn't the type to play around with girls affections. Good Luck hun.
Mandy x
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