A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: is there a difference between "in-love" and "indebted"? I was having lunch with a girlfriend who kept on and on about how much in-love she is.out of interest, I asked her what she finds most intriguing about this guy and she tells me "I've never felt the feeling of being able to depend on a certain person. but I must admit I have found someone who has had my back through my worst times. I can't explain the love I have for him." well, in a way, didn't she just do that? by her own admission didn't she admit that was she feels is dependent on this guy because he "had her back" through her worst moments. is this love? or guilt? does she feel indebted to him because he was her comfort zone in the her worst times? maybe i'm a little jealous because I do like this girl. but if love means having to owe someone your life because they were there for you thru hard times, then when and how is love ever real? whatever happened to that pit inside your stomach when you think of them? that feeling you get when you can't get that girl or guy out of your head? Daydreaming about her when you should be working? Imagining your futures together? And everything else that comes with love?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2018): You old-fashioned romantic you! It's good to know we still have guys who think like "we" do!
Let me explain something to you, my friend. The female-mind thinks very differently from ours. You are analyzing her feelings from a "logical" standpoint. Not from an emotional-perspective. You are misunderstanding or forgetting how the feelings of women don't have to be so one-dimensional; or black and white. You will never fully-understand where she's coming from, or what she feels for the guy. Nor why?
Women have a very complicated far-reaching range of emotions; and they are better at explaining them and openly expressing them than we males are able to. From boyhood, our psychological-conditioning and social-development teaches us to minimize and control emotions. Even suppress them.
We males choose mates for a different set of reasons and sometimes our gender might be more superficial. However; we do include character and values as qualifying-factors. Unless we're blind, or very old, we can't fully rule-out visual-appeal. We might set age-limitations. They can look beyond these things!
Yes, she appreciates and adores him for his excellent character and dependability. Did she ever tell you she was "in-love" with him?
A reliable-friend and someone you can trust is difficult to find. You bet your last-dollar that you don't let go of them easily; or ever, if you don't have to. However; morals, values, and commitment will create appropriate boundaries when the right man comes along; and she can checkoff most of the boxes.
A woman can fall in-love with you for your excellence in character, best human qualities, trustworthiness, and reliability. That may seem "impractical" or too simplistic for you. That because you're a dude! It's always a combination of things. Wealth can compensate for any shortcomings. Just kidding! Maybe not!
If she isn't in a committed-relationship with the guy; that means he is safely placed in the friend-zone. She is explaining what he means to her, but I don't detect anything necessarily romantic about her affection for him; or I would assume she would have said so. She didn't mention that he was a great lover.
My man, if you've got a hankering for this smart woman, why don't you simply give it a go?
If there's no chance; she certainly knows how to pick them. If she's found someone already, admire her for being a woman who knows what a good man is. Now, that doesn't necessarily summarize all of her qualifying criteria; you may possess those, and other things she wants and needs.
I can say, from the way she describes him, he's a front-runner and sets the standard. It's a high-standard!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 February 2018):
 Well I'm guessing she is same age as you, so in her 40's. While having butterflies and "daydreaming" is all well and good, MANY mature women would rather have a DEPENDABLE man than someone who is part fantasy.
Plus there is no reason HE can't give her butterflies or give her little thoughts through out the day of looking forward to seeing him, JUST because he is dependable in her eyes.
I DO think women (mature ones) have a different standard to a mature man. Those who are in their 40's have most likely had at LEAST one "bad-boy" experience, a relationship that was based off lust or more physical than emotional. And BY the time we reach a certain age, we KNOW what we want and what we need.
For her, It's STABILITY, someone DEPENDABLE, SUPPORTIVE.
Now that really doesn't mean that a guy with THOSE traits can't be a hunk guy whom she also DESIRE. But that might be lower on her wish list than those 3 mentioned above.
My guess is your friend is all grown up!
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