A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:[Mod Note: OP's Original Title]I am not sure what to do... Since I was young (11-12) I have felt a strong connection to my cousin (distant cousin), who is eight years older than me. She was in college when I first met her when she came over to our house for a holiday dinner. I loved how she talked with me and gave me attention that few did back then. It was all very platonic, but since then I have always had a thing for her when we saw each other. I used to tease her a lot when I was younger and she'd just laugh it off back then. She's very attractive and a very nice person to be around. Anyway, when I was 16 she married some idiot and of course we went to the wedding (she lives in another state). It crushed me because I always had this dream she'd be with me. In any case, I never liked him, but I still made an effort to talk to him on family occassions and it took me years to just tolerate his presence. Seven years later they got divorced because it seemed he was abusive and did not deserve her - no divorce is easy but it was the right decision in their case for sure. Throughout the past 10-12 years I have seen her on and off and still felt a connection, but couldn't say anything. I've had my own relationships through college and all, but I just saw her again (we're both single now) at a family celebration after three years. I'm 25 now and she's 33. I know the age difference but I still felt that strong connection that I think has turned into a strong attraction. We were so in-synch, it felt natural to talk to her and listen to her, you could tell from our body language that we were connecting, I'd always face her, and just wanted to be close to her. I think she felt the connection, too. We weren't together the whole time, but I would be around her, talked to her at dinner, sat next to her, even held hands when I danced with her. I had so much fun and it was great to see her. At the end of the night I escorted her to her car, gave her a big hug and she kissed me on the cheek to say goodnight, and right then I found the courage to say "I really love you." It came out so easily. I have to say I had drank a little more, which probably was the truth serum in this case. It felt right to say it, she looked at me and gave me a big hug. Then I told her she is one of my fav people and that I can't wait to see her again. I don't have expectations, she may not be ready yet, plus I am just starting out and I know that. She may be thinking of me as a little cousin still. It's killing me because I don't know what to think, and she may be looking for someone older to be with. A few days later I sent her a quick email telling her that it was so great to see her and that I hope she'll visit again soon, or that I might visit her etc. She responded promptly with a sweet email thanking me, and inviting me to visit whenever I wanted (with my family), leaving it very open. I haven't told my family, although everyone likes her and think that she's beautiful, smart, thoughtful. We haven't spoken/written since though, except for some group emails, social media stuff, etc. It's normal for us not to talk much for months at a time, especially in the past when she was married. I work a lot these days and have little time to myself, and now that I have told her what I feel I don't know what to think, or if I should do anything. I know I will eventually see her again, and feel the same things. When I look at her or touch her I get such a wonderful feeling and don't want it to end. -
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): I think that's sweet... it means you really love this lady. If you're distant cousins, like third or more, I don't think that's an issue but you'd probably need to talk to her more and get to know her to see where she is in life, especially since she's older and probably more established. You're both adults now, so she may also feel a connection to you, but doesn't know what to do with it because you're younger and maybe that's how she remembers you? Remember, we all grow up and mature and our feelings evolve particularly when we're comfortable with someone. Either way, it's a special relationship and one worth keeping a lifetime regardless of how it grows or develops... good luck!
A
male
reader, Itxi +, writes (22 September 2010):
 The truth is, she's your cousin mate. I'm going to be honest and say that she's never going to see you as anything more, she has a platonic healthy love for you that will not change.
You will have to move on.
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