A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been married for 4 yrs,my husband treats me well except for few small fights.last night we had a fight,he told me in anger,I dont look attractive,he is making love out of sympathy.next moment he realized what he told and not accepting that he said those words.i am good looking women ( told by few people),size 4,I myself feel attractive.i don't know how to deal with this issue Reply to this Question
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male
reader, BigCuz +, writes (10 January 2015):
It was a argument, you said something too, people tend to say mean stuff when they're arguing, wouldn't you agree, get over it, he married you, he loves you as much as you love him, stop worrying about what u look like and just be happy that you ARE. Seems like a issue within yourself whether he said it or not, other people have told you your good looking huh,dont hold on to that,unless you no it to be true and in that case,so what, somebody's uglier
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2014): I posted the answer long time ago,I think it is taking too long to be posted.
He was not on drink or drugs,we were having a fight about his parents involvement in our matters.i told him I would walk out as I don't need his sympathy.we were not talking yesterday.today he proposed to resolve it peacefully.he said he did not mean the words,spoke in anger. I decided to let it go for this time.
Thank you all for comforting answers
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2014): Hi all, this is original poster,i told me if he is meant his words, I would leave as I don't need his sympathy. We were not talking yesterday. Today he proposed me making this resolve peacefully.he explained that he said it in anger, he did not mean it.so I decided let it go for this time.
Thank you all for comforting answers.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 December 2014):
 oh yeah... i like the idea of "throwing it back in his face"
IF he does not apologize and deal with the fact that he said something to hurt you.
IF he does not apologize or acknowledge the remark, I would so very much say to him the next time he tries to be intimate "oh no dear, don't bother I don't need your sympathy."
I also as a generality will suggest some couples counseling to learn better communication skills as needed at best and at worst to have a neutral third party help to set up "fair fighting" practices.
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A
male
reader, lifesgreat  +, writes (4 December 2014):
hmmm like the others said he might of said it out of spite as he knows it could offend.
And good job you have seen sense and not took it to heart :) .
I wouldn't usually say this but use it to your advantage then if he is initiating sex , stop and say I do not need sympathy .
Then he will realise more what he has said and might think before he opens his mouth :)
But dont drag it out for too long of course , you will not be doing either of you any favours
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 December 2014):
 I'm curious - what was the fight about??
So he said that he's making love to you out of "sympathy" and that you're unattractive. Then, your post wasn't clear, but you said then next moment he realized what he said to you? Was he not aware of what he was saying when he was saying it? Was he drunk or on drugs when you had this fight?
That type of fighting is called "beltlining", which means that one or both people are saying things only to cause the most emotional pain to the other person. The insults are "below the belt" and have no bearing on the root argument and are only to cause pain.
The fact that he said that after only 4 years of marriage is telling as well. I wonder if he was putting you down to try and gain an upper hand in the fight and possibly the relationship. Some people emotionally and verbally abuse and tear down their partners out of their own insecurity. For example, a guy is terrified his wife will leave him for a better man, so he'll criticize her, pick at her, put her down, say she's ugly, or not smart, or be passive-aggressive (i.e. don't think. Let me do the thinking) or overly distant and withholding. It's designed to tear apart their partner's self-esteem so that she feels like no one else will want her.
I'm glad you didn't accept that comment he made. Does he say stuff and beltline as a rule? When he gets mad or anxious, does he put you down? Does he do it in front of others like family or friends??
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 December 2014):
Cleary you pride yourself on your appearance and he knows this so he, feeling helpless in this fight went after the ONE thing he was sure would upset you, attacking your attractiveness.
Has he apologized for his comment?
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