A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Advice needed, in an affair as secondary partner, it sucks!! But the drama, sex etc are mind blowing and we have both lost control. So i have pulled away for both our sakes. Still want her but it aint lookin like shes leavin. I dont know why she aint tied. She has realised how much she has soo missed me. I get back in touch we have a top laugh about the ironies of it all etc anf the bottom line is she still fancys me like mad and me too we will each other. I dont think either of us know what to do but know its wrong but feelins run deep. I believe you live once and need to run with things that feel this right, she is set in her ways and says she still loves him but not in love. She thinks she can ignore whats happenin an just carry on. I carnt! I have a feelin the cycle may start again an it will blow our minds again. I kinda want it to and know she does even though we have both said its got to stop. Do i ultimatum her (she doesnt like pressure) or continue to be her excitement, outlet. Think shes fallin in love though and vice versa. Shes realised im not a player and have her best intentions at heart said love you at the end of last conversation ??? She aint said this before think its cos i stood up to her but then didnt just turn my back. I cannot be second best but meet her emotional/sexual needs more than her byfriend so i know im not but am cos she is still with him. Keep workin or back off or ultimatum? Help me decide!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007): Hunny,
She needs to make a decition, HIM OR YOU! she is being unfaithfull no matter which way you look at it and if she is really unhappy then she must sort out her marriage first..
Dont be second best in this love, someone will get hurt no matter what, so you should just let her no how you feel and she should do the right thing by her husband, At the moment she has the best of both worlds which leaves you in the dark and him not knowing...
And if you do ask her to make a decition its then you will find out if she is serious or she is just out for a little fun.... Take care love MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous  +, writes (19 August 2007):
Man, you know what to do. You're just hoping someone will tell you what you're doing is okay. Well, it's not and you damn well know it. That's why she is ignoring you and carrying on like nothing happened. She feels guilty and wants to resume a normal relationship and you're not helping her sort out these things.
But in case you somehow don't know what to do, you've got to stop interefering and back off, BUT tell her she needs to make a decision. If she does happen to choose you, you have to realize that she has cheated on her current boyfriend with you. What would stop her from cheating on you with someone else? And if she did, you really couldn't be mad at her for it or say you'd be surprised.
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A
male
reader, Charlie84 +, writes (19 August 2007):
First off how long was she in this relationship? Regardless of how bad she feels in this relationship because of what it may be lacking she will hang on to it for various reasons. Reasons such as kids, comfortability, reliability, financial status, having a sense of where her life will be in the future whether its long or short term...
You need to break it all down WITH HER and discuss all the possibilities before you continue this relationship. You need to find out if this relationship you two have is purely sexual and based off the excitement of the secrets it holds or if there is enough substance in this relationship to carry it through the years and make it work. And whatever the out come of that discussion is you need to come to terms with it all and apply all further actions to the out come of that discussion. She could just be looking for a fling and do you really want to invest the time, effort and emotion into something that in the end will result in nothing?
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