A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm 41yrs old,and in a awful mess. Long story short. In a relationship with a man who is married, we weren't suppose to take this any further than just that one time. Now its been 9months. He is the one who plans everything,we have seen each other everyday since then,even going away for the weekends. I really have strong feelings for this man who is 15yrs older than me but I know he will never leave his wife of 37?yrs for me. -need help separating myself from him before I go crazy, I've never been this sexually active before not even with my ex husband.(we were together for 14yrs very bad relationship.)I never want him to leave me at night. I get so depressed when the time comes for him to go. He gets very upset with me when I tell him I wished he would just stay. Last nite he left very angry, but still called me before he got home just like every nite. But he told me he would come by and have coffee and toast this morning before he went to work. No call or anything, I was to fix lunch for him today should I or should I just disappear? I know I'm old enough to know better but I guess I'm just scared of being alone again. Please don't crucify me for my bad judgment in this relationship just help me save a friendship gone to far. Thanks for just taking the time to read my story.
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female
reader, brownsugar33 +, writes (1 March 2009):
Hi, I am in the same situation looking for a way out, I am 33 years old and I had been seeingthis guy for 6 years i was so in love with him he treated me just as i needed him to and i fell in love he say he love me in the beginning it was so wonderful ,he told me that his wife was not the woman that he should have been with and told me all these stories about how unhappy he was, we instantly started seeing each other and enjoyed each other but he never left the wife, one day she figured it out and she left, i moved in with him and we were together and in love so i thought until one day he flipped the script and started treating me bad and always leaving everyday, come to find out he was still trying to be with his wife, but yet lying to me and telling me that he would be else where, and then she started calling him and aking him to take her places, so he ran to her every call. but he was lying to me, to make a long story short he was cheating on his wife with me and when she left him i was the woman at home and he was seeing his wife on the side. as angry and hurt as i am i am taking one day at a time trying to do other things to occupy my mind, and made myself less available. it is very hard no doubt but it is worth you not loosing your sanity as i almost did.
A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (21 February 2009):
 You and I are around the same age and what lets you put up with this kind of treatment is undoubtedly the fear of being alone. The not wanting him to go at night and the need to ee him every day is not healthy. When I was first separated I ued to hide my husbands keys when he came to see me ust tokeep him with me longer. This kind of behaviour is not good for your mental state. As you have ascertained this man is never ever going to leave his wife. I can assure you that although you love him you do not need him to survive. My life was my ex husband and it has taken me two/ three years without him to get back on track but it is true - you only need a calm mental state and yourself to survive. The trick here is to take each day as it comes and mentally accept that it is over. You are still young and will meet someone else. Friends to talk to at all times of the day and night and message boards like these will fill the time and ease the pain. This chap is having his cake and eating it. You can an will do so much better.
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A
female
reader, SoftlyCaress  +, writes (21 February 2009):
 It is important for your mental state to part from him.I know I went through a deal like this and he would tell me he loved me and all the same bull. That most men will feed you who is married and wants a little extra on the side but if he hasnt left his wife he isnt going to .All you are is a toy and it doesnt matter to him how you feel when you are away from him or how you hurt .So my advice to you is to start doing things you would like to do to occupy your time find a hobby (NOT HIm) and start taking time for you.It is probably one of the hardest things you will do but you need to you dont deserve to be put on a shelf and took down when he is ready to play .You deserve better then that i am sure took me a long time to wake up to the fact that it was happening to me but i did and now I am living my life and not having to worry about when ill see him again or when will he call or i shouldnt go because he might want to get together... TAKE TIME FOR YOU !!!!!!!GOOD LUCKXXXXXX
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (21 February 2009):
 First of all, I agree that he's not going to leave his wife... the strange thing is how he can justify all this time away from her and still not have raised any suspicions from her... but that's his problem.
Your issue is this fear of being alone. It is what's guiding you ...or rather allowing you to continue with a relationship you yourself have already acknowledged isn't going to ever be permanent. I think that you need to move away from this relationship and perhaps seek a relationship that has a chance of being successful. Starting by being less available to him would be a good way to move toward ending this. Yes, it's going to be painful and the strong intimate relationship you've started isn't going to make this any easier. As far as the fear issue, you need to really believe that you are worth more. You are somebody that is worth it and you deserve a better relationship. Rely on your friends and family to ease the pain of separation... it will help.
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