A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all! I moved in another country and been living here for few yrs now, but I have difficulty to make new friends.. most of the time Im very lonely and getting depressed. I have partner but most of the day he is working and I miss my girl friends just to chat and gossip, go for coffe... I feel scared to make new friends or even approached first because I don't want them to think Im to pushy! what should I do ..plese help..thanks
View related questions:
depressed, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 November 2013):
 Be pushy. Staying in your comfort zone clearly hasn't helped, so move out of the comfort zone and do things you normally wouldn't. It is going to eat at your relationship if you depend only on him for a social life.
Does your boyfriend not have any friends? Don't his friends have girlfriend you could meet and get to know?
Be pushy. If people are offended and don't like it, then you've not lost anything, it just puts you back to square one, where you are right now anyways. But the world is full of people, and if someone doesn't take a liking to you, someone else will. So just go for it!
And once you do get to know someone, put in effort to make it a friendship. See them often, text, do fun things, and a friendship will either naturally grow or it wont. If it doesn't, at least you have someone to hang out with now and then. And then you can get to know someone else and start over. You just need to keep at it and you will eventually be successful.
There are so many others who also want to find more friends. Look them up online like I did by googling your city and search words like "friends" "new friends" "group activities" etc. Join volunteer work places! That's always a great start. And be pushy, by all means. Invite people over, ask if they want to join you to the museum, or theater, or grab a coffee after the meeting/class/work.
Focus on at least two people, and then add in more people for your "friend projects" as you get the hang of it. Continue to take care of the first people you focused on, but keep adding more and more people who you invest time and energy in. Then once you've found someone who you get along great with, put most of your focus on those and keep it a small circle at first. Making friends takes time and energy.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (8 November 2013):
 What country are you in?,
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (8 November 2013):
 Is the place you are in big enough for adult learning classes, you could try cooking classes, learn to cook the local cuisine, I see you have an aussie flag, if you are Australian living elsewhere, start cooking lamingtons and other aussie delights and sell at market days and the like, it will be a great ice breaker to at least get you mixing ad mingling with people.
As somebody has already said, make yourself the type of person you want to be friends with, so fake it until you make it, be approachable, have a smile, respond to questions with full answers, not just yes, or no, practice initiating conversation in the supermarket aisle, mention the weather if nothing else comes to you ..... and after all that invite your girlfriends to come visit, free accommodation overseas is always appreciated because it costs so much to get anywhere ..... good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): I've read about these sort of things in a social development class. Often, people can sometimes have trouble making friends because they routinely are failing at making them, resulting in yourself behaving in a way the prevents it more so in the after effects. I would work up the nerve to talk to people. It's not being pushy to be a person who says a thing or two to a stranger who's involved in the same social situations at the time. You'd be surprised at how many people are open to making friends all of the time. Another thing to consider is changing your body language tone. Smile, don't be afraid to make eye contact, and be more so inviting. Be sure to make the sort of friends you would like to be around. Making friends with the first people to accept you could result in negative peer pressure or poor relationships with peers. Joining social clubs, as the previous commenter suggested, is a great way to meet people with common interests, as well as meet people who are academically involved and for the most part arent getting in trouble.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): Are you able to get a job yourself? If you can't work because of visa requirements you could always try voluntary work.
If you can't work because of pre-school children get yourself involved with as many Mums and Toddler groups as you can.
You can also join clubs and societies such as drama groups, choirs and book clubs or enrol in some adult education courses.
...............................
|
