A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, so I’ve been with my partner for 7 years, living together for 2. I’ve been completely loyal until now, but have been feeling unhappy and a little taken for granted for a while now. My boyfriend has a good heart and is loyal, but he is also bad tempered, grumpy and miserable.. he tells me off for little habits I do all the time, He also plays on Xbox constantly and is never spontaneous or romantic. Sometimes I feel I’m walking on eggshells. My friends think I deserve better saying I’m a beautiful person etc and deserve better. I thought I was a very good person until now, I never thought I would cheat. I always felt I would do anything for anyone, but I guess I’m not such a good person as what I thought.Well a colleague from work who I’ve known for 2 years started messaging me - at first it was innocent but we messaged constantly every day - then eventually he told me he liked me and things became sexual. He makes me feel so good about myself and showers me with attention. We’ve been doing this for 2 months now and haven’t slept together, but have done other things. I realised that I feel more confident about myself, I even listen to music more and I’m generally happier. This guy has a girlfriend but he’s in an unhappy relationship. I’m not sure where he sees this going - it seems mostly sexual but we message each other 24/7 - He really fancies me but I don’t know how he sees us. However I know deep down that he is not ‘long term boyfriend material’ but I’m starting to fall for him. Meanwhile my boyfriend is sat on his Xbox and hasn’t noticed. I’m so confused.. I have a house with my partner and don’t want to hurt him, but I can’t tell whether I still love him or not or if my feelings are just clouded because I fancy this other guy. Currently I feel no desire towards him. I understand I can’t just keep cheating, but what should I do? Should I go on a break with my partner to figure out my feelings, and move out? I must sound like an awful person but I’m in such a confusing place at the moment with no idea what to do.Thanks for your help xx
View related questions:
a break, has a girlfriend, no desire Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 December 2017):
 If you loved your boyfriend you wouldn't find yourself in this situation. You need to come clean with him, be honest and talk to each other, you need to tell him how you have been feeling, and also about the cheating. If you wanted to keep this relationship going then lying was not the way to go about it. As for the other guy well sure he is not boyfriend material, he would probably only end up cheating on you, and I doubt both off you would manage to trust each other. Time to come clean to your boyfriend.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (15 December 2017):
 If yo loved, and felt loved and cherished by, the guy you live with you would not be playing away from home. if you want to decide if you relationship is worth saving you need to end your affair. Then tell your partner you feel as if the relationship is lacking and suggest counselling.
If he takes notice and tries to get some conversation happening well and good .... if he poo poohs your suggestion or doesn't seem to care then get your legal ducks lined up and split up with him, not necessarily for the other guy but for yourself. We all need more from a relationship than you are getting.
Good luck, which ever way it goes
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (15 December 2017):
 It's too late not to hurt him because, instead of fixing your relationship or leaving, you've betrayed him. I'm sorry, OP, but that ship has sailed.
Your boyfriend shouldn't be telling you off; you're not his child. With your overall unhappiness and cheating, you shouldn't either leave him or own up and see if he'll go to couples' counselling.
As for the affair, end it immediately. You've "sh*t where you eat" because it could ruin your work environment, but you can't continue this. You're also not falling for him; you just think you are because he's your fantasy and your escape.
You need to end the affair and probably your relationship because you'll owe him the truth, if you stay. Be single for a while and learn to leave before you decide to cheat.
...............................
|
