A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met the love of my life when I was 14, we fell in love so deep.The world was our oyster, growing together year after year, experiencing every 1st thing together. Bad and good.Both our life’s were tragically twisted and I made a mistake when I was 22 and left him without turning my head to say good bye.I was so arrogant, so taken by life. So ignorant of life, I guess I was like a fly who couldn’t but fly to the light.I could never have lived him if we are at the same place, same space and under the same sun and moon.Because our love was much bigger than to end with a decision, I now don’t understand how much rage was inside me to get me to move countries. Why did I ever runaway from him ? He was everything I ever wanted. Everything I ever dreamed I could ever want out of life. He was sencerily my everything, my best friend, my secret keeper, my protection, my brothers and sisters, he was what ever I needed.He was not an angel, on the contrary. The quote “she was an angel craving chaos, he was a devil craving peace” fits us perfectly. The two wrongs that always make a right. Yet, because I loved him so much, my emotions were out of control. Now I don’t understand why did I ever leave home but I’m sure it’s iur fate.Since I left him. I never really truly left him.E is not with me physically, Burbank I cannot but think of him with every nod , every move, in my sleep. Life seem to only ever be around him, year in and year out l. Not together yet know every detail, all the stories.Came a time where we both took new partners, we even thought we fell in love again. Comes a year I remember him, tracing me down. Calling me thousands of miles away just to tell me that he has moved on. He no longer dreams of us any more, he even repeatedly told me I have lost all effect on him, I don’t matter. Comes another year and i call him to tell him that I don’t need him in my life and that I have moved on.And every time we speak , it’s like thousands knifes poking an already open wound , one that never heals.I was 26 when I heard he is to get married. My heart was broken, yes I have left him and supposedly we have moved on but really, I feel like I’m on a quest in life and it’s beyond me. I am not with him and it’s because of forces bigger than me.But I never thought he would really move on, how can he, how can I ?How can I stop loving someone, wouldn’t that say that you never loved them at all. True love don’t finish, it’s beyond reality, beyond hardships and much stronger than the twists and turns of life. Not for one moment did I ever stopped believing I’m distant to end up with him, no question about it but I’m distant for other things too, it was my belief that if we really love each other we will find our way back together.When I heard he got engaged, I’ve done the bigger mistake of getting married. Who was I hurting ? What was I proving ? He moved on , so did I ?I got married to a man who is as the book say, picture perfect.Quickly after the wedding took place , I knew I made a huge mistake. I thought to myself, this lie can’t go on. I will never love this man I took as a husband. I asked for divorced and fully explained everything.God had another plan for me. I found out I was pregnant.Same day I found out I was pregnant I got a phone call, my soulmate, telling me it’s his wedding night, he can’t do it. He can’t go through with it.o told him o got married, didn’t tell him I have literary just found out I’m pregnant.He asked me to correct this mistake before it goes further and to finally come back to him.He can’t but admit it’s not worth it, this fight agonist life and resisting the right thing. We ought to be married , we ought to grow old and die together.I broke his heart again. I truly knew back then he meant every word. This was our time again, but I’m pregnant and not for one second did o ever thought I’ll get rid of my baby, no . I found myself trying to love my husband. We are having a baby together.I truly tried so hard. And I succeeded in my consciousness, but so strange how I usually dream of him, my dreams are so vivid, like we are together. Years have passed. My relationship with my husband have broken off long time ago, I am not happy. I have made myself so unhappy. And Karma, I dare to say I blame myself for having a disabled child.Yes, the baby I loved the second I knew off, was the price I paid and still paying for seriously destroying his life and truly breaking his heart. Now my heart is broken, from a different type of love, also a love that never fade a mother’s love.I am now 30, seperated for over a year bit not divorced.For the sake of our child we are trying to keep as normal life as possible to maximise his life quality-our deeply loved son-Another phone call.My soulmate already found out I had a baby from my family and stopped trying to contact me, once again he heard I’m leaving my husband.He called me, telling me, he never got married , he never will.Knows I had a son, and asked me to yet correct my mistake and finalise my divorce and go back to him. That’s when I told him how heart broken I am. How much I am struggling to cope with my son disability and for the 1st time in years I actually got it all out. He listed to everything, and then he insisted that I see sense. He wants to help and be there for me.We started talking and in no time, he has already bought a house.I am going back next month and he already furnished everything including my son’s room.He was always what I needed and I can’t but say , he have showed great kindness and genuine love toward my son.Now, I have been delegated for over a year but my husband won’t divorce me, he basically want us to act happy family forever saying other wise we are condoning our child to be unhappy. His argument is that, a child with special needs need to have both mom and dad and that we won’t make it work if I ever ended up with anyone elseMy husband is using my son as a way to keep me in this marriage knowing I do t love him, knowing everything and how unhappy I am.Now I’m torn.My soulmate, 15 years later on from the moment we met, still waiting for me but finally is giving me an ultimatum . He is much older and he won’t accept me hanging our life on a thread . He wasn’t a me to take actions .And I have my son to think off.I don’t know why I have this heart break .Is this normal ?All this ache ?Is it normal to love someone that much regardless of time and space ?As I’m going to see him soon, I’m actually going to stay with him and my son in our house . I will then leave him again and come back over here as I can’t really move my son to a different country perminantly and away from his father.I’ve talked divorce again (and god is my witness it’s not because of my soulmate , it’s because our marriage isn’t really working and will not) But I’m now lost.I’m lost in life, don’t understand what’s the point of everything ? I’m afraid I can see fate always preventing us from ending up together and I’m afraid I won’t find my way back.
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best friend, disabled, divorce, engaged, fell in love, move on, soulmate, wedding, wedding night Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (1 January 2018):
 How much older than you is the person you call your "soul mate"?
Your child is still quite young, around 3 or 4 if you fell pregnant at 26 and are now 30, you may not be able to move him to another country, you will require his father's permission.
As for your soul mate's ultimatum, some psychotherapists and others in the field believe that such ultimatums are emotional and mental abuse.
I strongly suggest you seriously seek counselling from a qualified professional before you make any decisions.
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (16 December 2017):
 If you believe in the concept of soul mates then you must accept that soul mates don't stay together in this lifetime. We have all had first loves but life moves on. We grow and expand our experience. Be thankful for what you had.
If you want to reignite this love then jump, but don't look back. Never look back.
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