A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've recently entered into a long-distance relationship with a chap from Britain. We're both very attracted to each other, and talk almost every day (we've known each other for a year, and have recently gotten quite close). I'm saving up to go out to meet him, but there's something about him that's worrying me. He's older than I am (think 10+ - no disparaging comments about me being a gold-digger, etc, please)... and a consummate flirt.For example, he logged in after one of his band's shows "just to say hi" to me, but I found out he started flirting with another girl who's been trying to hook up with him on his FB page. For example, he writes something about a good dream he had, and says, "Is there anything better?" She comments "Now, that would be telling! lol ;)" Also, she posted about wanting to give him "birthday kisses", and another of his friends said "I'd like to be a fly on the wall if he tries to collect!"She's blonde and busty, and goes to almost every show of his. I've asked a few friends, but they all say, "Don't worry, she's just a groupie. He likes YOU."I'm terrified something will happen between them. I really really REALLY like this guy, and I'm 80% sure he likes me too. He's volunteered his house to me if I go out there, and I'm pretty sure if I do go out we'll end up together - that is, if SHE doesn't get him first.He also has four children (from at least two prior relationships). He says women can't stand to be around him for too long, but there's something about me he can't resist.Should I be worrying? Should I even bother to go out there? I don't want to not go and then beat myself up about it later, but at the same time, I've just been through a string of bad relationships and don't want to be hurt again.
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (22 May 2011):
 i have been in a string of bad relationships too and the more it happens the more you NEED the next one to be different and good. is this the way you feel at the moment? even if she doesn't 'get to him first' you may come over to Britain, see him and get with him but then what happens after you return home? will you trust him? will she still be hanging around him? does he give her any encouragement when she flirts and if so, what if she goes, what about the next woman that comes along (and believe me - this WILL happen if he's in a band!)
just sounds like a recipe for disaster to me - in a band + long distance + he's a flirt + not met in person yet and why are YOU saving up to come here? why does HE not save up HIS money and come to see YOU? (that's what a real man would do)
+ tells you no women stick around but he feels you're different?
no, sorry. this doesn't sound promising
x
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (22 May 2011):
 Hi
Then Im affraid your going to walk into the wrong house. This man clearly loves the attention of lots of different women. You do live far away from him, and I am more than sure this guy is not being faithful. His already said to you that women dont like being around him for too long. why do you think he said this? I'll tell you why, because his more than a flirt and you will get hurt. I would NOT watse my money going to a different country to see a man I only know a fictional side about. He can tell you anything he wants online, or on the phone. You say you have been hurt through bad relationships , why set youself up again? Dont be blinded by your feelings for him, find someone who is there with you now, who you can get to know face to face, not over a computer. And give yourself more credit you deserve better :)
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (22 May 2011):
 I guess you have to ask yourself some questions. Do you really want to be with a guy who has 4 children by two women? If this became a serious relationship, you would need to share him with his kids. And who is to say if you have a child with him, he won't do the same? (Only mentioning this because my father did it. I was the product of the second marriage, he already had a child in the first. And it sucked not having him there in my childhood knowing that other women were more important than his own flesh and blood.)Anyway! What I would do is ask him about the girl. It's possible that they've already had something going on. If he's honest, he'll tell you the truth. Does he ever respond to her comments? She could just be flirty by nature. I was in an LDR where my partner was in a band as well and he had groupies too. He had a promiscuous past and he said if anything ever happened with any girl, he would tell me. That was just so that I would learn to trust him. He pulled the wool over my eyes.You need to go with your gut feeling on this, because most of the time its true. I would only go visit him if you were 100% certain that you want this man.
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