A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a long distance relationship for over 12 months now and he is loving, attentive, caring etc...all the things women crave. BUT i have started to fancy/think a lot about a man i have recently come into contact with on a regular basis at the gym i train at. I found out recently that he has a girlfriend and i would always back away from hurting anyone else........but i cant seem to switch off from thinking about him, and to be honest it is tearing me apart. The guy in the gym has no idea, but from time to time i catch him looking at me........we have such a lot of things in common..what do i do? Please help..i am not a nasty, selfish person so this is really upsetting me.
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has a girlfriend, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Just because you fancy someone doesn't mean you should act on it, especially as he has a girlfriend. It sounds like you want more attention than you are getting from your current boyfriend, so could you see him more often, or text or phone more?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): I know exactly how u feel and was in a simialr situation myself.
Dont feel guilty for having these feelings as u are only human.My advice is to see how you feel when you are with you're boyfriend and if you still find yourself attracted to other men then re think things.U say that your boyfirnd is loving and attentive etc.....this guy at the gym maybe fit and u may have lots of interests but u never really know a person-whose to say he isnt a jerk and will he treat u as well as your current b/f?? Think carefully about what u want out of life.
Good luck hun.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (19 May 2008):
 Hi,
first thing, join another gym.
Secondly, think long and hard about your relationship, I don't believe people who are truly committed to each other stray, so I think you should re-evaluate this relationship.\
If you are going to stray ( and chances are you will ) then do the right think and release your boyfriend.
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (18 May 2008):
 Ladies and Gentalmen, Boys and girls. Children of all ages! Come one, Come all.Vendetta sideshow attractions is proud to present "the" single most commen reason long distance relationships Do Not work.I actually have to thank you for showing people this very reason.as for fancying the other guy?.. uh.. i dunno, go speed dating.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): I think you need to redirect your interest to your boyfriend. No doubt being a long distance relationship is causing your suffering and your interest in this gym trainer: he is closer and more available then your bf.
Call your boyfriend and try to hook up for the weekend so you can get your tank filled up (emotional needs), this will help you get through for a while. If your bf pushes you away, just let him know you need him now more then ever, that other guys are starting to affect you (or something like that) and that you need physical contact with him to get over it. You need a release, and quickly, in medical terms, I guess we could say we need to hook up the patient with an IV, it is critical nuturients she needs. I'm getting horny just thinking about it, and I haven't had any sex in a year.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (18 May 2008):
 If you act on your feelings you would be nasty. OK, you've noticed you're attracted to another guy. No problem, unless you make it one. It is not a crime to feel attractions. If you are not thrilled with your current relationship, end it !!!! Then you are free to pursue who ever you choose. Do things in the correct/moral order. Don't leave a trail of hurt people in your dust. Most people like to fool themselves into thinking they can just be buddies with he person they're attracted to. It doesn't usually work. Look at the mechanics of the situation. Your female, he's male, there is attraction...it's no mystery. Now look at the other side. Relationships are not just basic attraction. They are also the substance that you've built with your current guy. That counts for something. So if your boyfriend is really all the things you've listed, what is the big attraction with the other guy. Another thing, let's assume you drop you current man for the new guy, what happens the next time you have an attraction? Do you see what I mean. Over time it becomes less about attraction and more about respect, history and the ties that bind. Attractions just happen, relationships are built.
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