A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What does it mean when your long distance girlfriend complaints that you call her too much?Calling her once a day is appearing too much, she asks for once call in 2-3 days. To me that is extreme. She gets angry when I do.We are both are very busy with work, but somehow I manage to keep in contact, but she is denying any information about her life from me. It has gotten us into many arguments and is ruining our relationship. We known each other for years, but have started going out a year ago.Is this something I have to be concerned about or is this normal?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello,Just wanted to provide an update.I came back to her so we can talk and hopefully work something out.We had a dinner today, and i decided to bring up what i felt was causing arguments between us and to talk about the nature of arguments in general. While seeking her emotional support after my talk about my personal insecurities, she started acting defensively and admitted that she doesn't know if she is in love with me any more.She says she loves me, but at the same time all the problems in the past few months has killed most of the joy in our relationship for her. So she is tired.Later on I just couldn't take it any more and just was so upset that I have started becoming very emotional and shouting. I just couldn't understand what I did wrong. And she started arguing in order to find a way to fix things, she broke a lot of dishes... which is sort of what i needed, because I didn't feel any emotional connection before that.Right now I am sat thinking about what I should do. What does it all mean... she didn't break up with me, but I guess she tried to kill me off softly by saying she wasn't sure if she is in love.Hope it all makes sense, I am a mess at the moment
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 February 2012):
 OP your follow ups leave me little hope for this turning out well.
Even at their busiest a person who is in an LDR makes time for their partner.
I have one friend she is 2 hours by car from her partner and they have NIGHTLY dates on skype at 9 pm every night except weekends because every friday he gets on the train and comes to spend the weekend with her.
for us, once we got serious, we were the same distance apart and we talked twice a day at minimum (my morning call to wake him at his request and my bedtime tuck in call to say goodnight.
in between we often would call at lunch... we emailed extensively and texted now and again.
and every weekend I drove to him..... 2 hours without traffic.
seems to me she's not as into you as you are into her sadly.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (24 February 2012):
 My guy and I have been in a LDR for years (not by choice!) and we talk MINIMUM of 4 times a day, on skype every night, and video skype on the weekends. I doubt if she is any busier than my guy because he's a cardiologist and works 18 hours a day..so if he can find time, certainly she can! I know some people don't like to talk on the phone, my guy is actually a very quiet guy but still we always wish each other good morning, talk at lunch, he calls me on his way home, and before he goes to bed, even if its just to say good nite. So yes, to me, I would be concerned that she doesn't have any time or make the effort. Understandably, everyone is different and obviously what works for one doesn't work for another, but I think I'd talk to her, try to see if you can get some sort of schedule going so you feel more secure. I truly feel for you, LDR are hard enough the way it is! Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso, i didn't reply to few questions:
Or if it is a timing problem. You two can figure out what times are best to call. Like maybe, you can have one call in the morning before you two have to work or one at night before you both sleep...are you in different time zones?
I have asked her that last time i visited, and she couldn't give me a solid answer, but she somehow makes sure that we talk at night, while she is already in bed and switches off. So basically it becomes me talking on the phone to a sleeping person, and then her getting angry that i am "disturbing her sleep" and "not respecting that she needs to sleep"... Damn it.
Skype works, but she rarely does video calls during day time, when i can actually see her. There is 4 hour difference... -_-
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female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (24 February 2012):
 Wow. That's really extreme. I don't think this is headed the right way..to me, it sounds like YOU are putting maximum effort and she's barely doing the minimum. I agree that you should talk and see what's going on cause to me, this is sounding so wrong.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (24 February 2012):
Well that doesn't sound good. If it's become a one-way street that's not a relationship, OP. If she doesn't change soon she's not worth putting all this effort in.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe live together for a week or so every month when I visit. I have to take a plane to see her.
I personally not too big on calls and can't keep talking all day as I have things to do, but I just can't understand why talking every day for 10-20 minutes is such a big deal.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBasically, if i ask her how her day was, she wouldn't answer even though i know that she had some plans to do something really interesting... So it just make her look like she doesn't want to share with me.We don't really run out on things to talk about, she is just saying that she is just "busy". However, when I don't call her, she never makes an effort. For example there was this exam she needed to take other day, and she got me really worried that it is going to go badly and i called her on that day to find out how it went and she was too busy to even tell me that.There has been trust issues before that, with some guy "friend" of hers picking her up from uni, and her going to external lectures with him. So currently i am thinking that maybe it is because of him and him getting most attention from her... but i don't believe that she is just cheating on me, i thought it could be one of the reasons.I confronted her on it other day, but she was too busy to reply... Was rather pointless, actually. I really felt like when I open up to her, she just ignores it.When I come to visit, she is rather cold with me and it just feels like she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I am going to see her next week, and decided it would be good to come to a conclusion about this and decide where this is going and if it is possible to changing anything...
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (24 February 2012):
 That sounds a bit odd, though I can't say what's causing it. I'm temporarily apart from my bf and we call every single day and still find things to talk about.
It's a really bad sign in a LDR when you can't make time for each other. I understand when people are busy, but you have so little contact anyways that being unable to make even 5 minutes for you is not a good sign. Couple that with the anger and with the witholding personal info, I'm sorry but it's not sounding good.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 February 2012):
When I was LDR and we saw each other every weekend I wanted daily contact... even if it was a 5 minute "hi how are you sleep tight" kind of phone call...
how often do you see each other? how far apart are you from each other?
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female
reader, followtheblackrabbit +, writes (24 February 2012):
A long distance relationship is tough, good communication is what makes and it keeps strong. To me personally, it's not quite normal that she wants ONE call every 2-3 days.But perhaps, there's something bigger here like perhaps the times you call and how long the calls last. My first relationship was a LDR and we spoke daily-even though my boyfriend wasn't a phone person. Sometimes, if he was really tired or busy (and vice versa) we'd send e-cards to each other or silly e-mails just to say "I'm thinking of you and I love you." Is it that she just hates talking on the phone? Maybe then, you two can use Skype and see each other while talking.
Or if it is a timing problem. You two can figure out what times are best to call. Like maybe, you can have one call in the morning before you two have to work or one at night before you both sleep...are you in different time zones?
It could also be that she just needs some time to herself to. Work can be an extreme stress. I know sometimes that it's on my mind so much, I get very irritated and need to stay away from people cause I know my heart won't be into conversation or laughter. I also don't want to trouble people with my work issues. Offer to be an outlet for her, let her know that if she needs to talk or vent, you're there for her. If anything, try and compromise. Instead of every day like you need or 2-3 days like she wants, try a happy median or communicate via e-mail in addition to the phone calls.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (24 February 2012):
Well to be honest I would run out of things to say if the call came every day. Calling is different than being there face-to-face. So yes, if she finds the conversations are not as interesting and maybe even a chore, I can understand why she'd suggest every 2-3 days. That way you actually have something to talk about.
When you say "she denies any information about her life from me" what do you mean exactly? I mean, what do you talk about then if it's not about your lives? If she really is secretive I would wonder what 'relationship' you have on your hands, because then it really is out-of-sight-out-of-mind.
However, if you're talking about her not discussing every little detail of her life with you, I can understand her POV. I'm a private person and even when I'm with someone I want to keep some things separate. She might feel you're coming on too strong.
Anyway, I'm just guessing a bit here. You don't give much info to go on, so please elaborate!
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