A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:is my boyfriend of 9 months going off me?He hardly ever initiates sex anymore. He's never been a highly sexed person but this past month it's dwindled down to 1-2 times per week.He has brought it up and says it worries him that we're not having sex often enough but he sometimes feels too tired and worried about work in the evening.He comes round to me every night at 7ish (we don't live together) and we usually end up dropping to sleep on the sofa about 10.he is still very affectionate and sends me emails saying he is looking forward to seeing me.He says he just hasn't got much of a sex drive at the min, but I'm worried he's bored of our sex life. He reassures me that this is certainly not the case. When we do have sex, it is very very good and he seems turned on.we are both in our 30s.His job is very busy and stressful and last week he was working extra hours to get work done without pay.Help, is he telling the truth or should I be worried (well I am already very worried as is he)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2010): When sex is new - we typically set the bar pretty high in terms of times per day.
Way above the number that seems reasonable to a "grown up." We tend to "over do it" (pun intended) then later we get scared when: we finally start enjoying sex in a mature way!
It's a yellow flag: because most couples never achieve sexual maturity. At the exact point a relationship reaches sexual maturity - people breakup or cheat.
Having said that. Even when I don't feel horny, I typically feel MORE stressed if I don't have an orgasm everyday... It's refreshing, it helps my concentration dramatically, and it helps me sleep.
Do you know if your BF is masturbating?
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (14 October 2010):
 Guys tend to be more straightforward about this stuff. It's the reason that you'll sometimes ask if your dress makes you look fat and you'll get a, "yeah kinda" or something. So if you ask about something serious, like the amount of sex you're having, and he says he loves it (basically declines the opportunity to have lots more sex) you should believe him. Stress is a real libido killer. It can actually just make you go totally off sex for a while. I wouldn't worry. As long as you're both happy, there's no need to fret.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): I am the poster of the question. Thanks for your reply.
I guess my insecurity stems from the fact that I worry that a man is going off his woman if he no longer wants sex as often becuase men are supposed to be the ones begging usually. I also do tend to worry a lot too.
Do you think most relationships go through this then?
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A
female
reader, Dr Bex +, writes (14 October 2010):
Hi there. Really don't worry about the fact you're not having as much sex as you think you should be. Although sex is important in a relationship so is trust and companionship. In all relationships sex differs and we all put too much emphasis on it. Enjoy it. Don't get so stressed about how much you should be having it. We all lose our sex drive at some stage in the relationship. The more you worry about it the less likely you are to have it. Let it come naturally. Try and just enjoy your time together and relax. I guarantee, once you begin to chill out about it (as does he) you'll be more intimate than ever.
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