A
female
age
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*cfudge
writes:hi, i really need help with this. time is runing out. i am so in love with my guy.i never had such a deep feeling of love from anyone. we are like magic together. we got engaged on july 4th . i was very happy. we started dating in nov. [8 months] he wants to get maried next july. im scared to get maried that soon. he is going to break up with me if i dont marry him in july. this would be my second mariage and i just want to make sure. im not wearing the ring now because he says if i dont marry him in july dont wear it. i still want to be engageged, just don't have a date yet.i don't believe in living together. the last six weeks we have been talking and texting. we have not been with anyone else. i just want more time to get to no him better. he has never been married. what do you guys think i should do? i appreciate any ones help.kc
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female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (20 September 2010):
 I think its unfair of him to give you an ultimatum like that, get married or break up? So pretty much, all or nothing sort of deal. That puts you in an unfair situation.
I think you should talk with him and explain that you don't think that you're emotionally there yet, tell him how much you love him but explain that because you were married before you need to be 100% confident that you're ready the next time you get married because you don't want another failed marriage. I think that is completely understandable. If he then goes "well then I'll break up with you" or something similar to that, call him out on his unfair ultimatum. Let him know that you love him still and that you do want to marry him someday, when you're ready.
There's a line in Valentines Day (The Movie) where Ashton Kutcher proposes to Jessica Alba and she eventually says no and he goes "Did you even consider marrying me?" and she goes "Of course I did, but when you ask a girl to marry you, do you want them to just consider it? Or just know?" I think that was a remarkable thing she said, because its just so true. Does your boyfriend want you to marry him when you're so unsure of it right now or do you think he'd rather wait until you're ready and just as excited about it as he is.
My best advice to you is to explain how you feel to your boyfriend and let him know that giving you an ultimatum is well, wrong. Its not fair to you.
Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): If you need more time to think about this, then stand your ground. Marriage is not something to be rushed into, and it is understandable and sensible that you want to be sure. I think you should continue to tell him you would like more time to think about it. If it would help him, maybe you could give a time-scale. Like, you could ask him to give you another month, or two, or three, or however long you need. It might reassure him that you are serious about all of this, and are not just trying to put things off inevitably. And it will also give you time to see how things go and to decide for sure what you would like to do.
If he leaves you for wanting more time...that says a lot about the kind of person he is, and how he feels about the relationship. What's the hurry? If he is serious about marrying you, I cannot understand why he is saying he would be so quick to leave over this. So no. Stand your ground. He will either agree to more time...or you will know what kind of person he really is.
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A
male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (20 September 2010):
 It is clear he is blackmailing you. I know you say your so in love with him but if he is threating to break it off if you dont marry him then he is clearly not so in love with you.
If he was then he would wait until your ready for marriage.
You have your own mind never let anyone pressure or force you into something you dont want!
If I was in your situation I would not go through with it and dump him first before he gets the chance. If you dont want to dump him try taking a break from your relationship to give you and him some thinking time.
How long have you both been together?
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