A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there this is really embarrassing but i don't really know what else to do.Basically i'm a 20 year old virgin, and this is totally out of choice. I have been extremely picky in the past, and to be honest a bit of a prude. I'm not ugly, and i do get loads of male attention, just when it starts to get a bit serious i back off.However, i now feel like I have missed my "opportune window of time" in which to lose my virginity and have thus fallen behind the rest of the world. I've never given a blow job or hand job or done anything other than make out before. What am I going to do when i eventually find someone i would actually sleep with? I feel i'm going to be clumsy and inexperienced and just...bad.A few days ago in work we were all talking about blow jobs in work, and the men were saying it's a must in a relationship for them. I actually felt terrified at the thought.I think that now, there have been really nice guys who i have rejected just because i'm terrified at the thought of sleeping with them. It's a vicious circle. What can i do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010): About 20% of people lose their virginity in their 20s, so you are not unusual.
The most important thing which helps women enjoy sex is to know what you want, and to ask for it. So hopefully you masturbate, because that's how women discover which things makes them sexually satisfied. Women's experience of sex is more controlled by the mind then in men, so there's a much wider range of stimulation possibilities in women. As a result you really can't expect a man to know what works for you, rather you need to know what works for you from you own exploration and let your man know that. Most men's sexual limits are wider than most women's, so you're unlikely to ask for something that doesn't work for him too. If you know what you want, you will never appear inexperienced.
As for dealing with the man's satisfaction, a good book or web site like Scarleteen will cover that topic. The main thing to remember is that we are much more physical than women.
Do be up-front with your boyfriend. Sex the first few times can hurt, and your boyfriend can be especially gentle and caring and can know that seeking satisfaction for himself is secondary. It also explains why you want a position where you are in control, such as you on top.
As you gain confidence you can then try out other sexual activities to see if they work for you. Certainly you should ask that he does oral on you.
Don't be "terrified at the thought" of touching or sucking his penis, You'll find it comes on naturally during the whole-of-body kissing or soaping each other in the shower that lovers do. I can certainly understand people being apprehensive about it if they are introduced to it in less fun situations.
You'll find that when you are with the right person, a lot of these troubles just go away. He'll just accept your virginity as another one of the things that makes you an interesting person with interesting views and an interesting past. You'll both have a fun time exploring each other, and sex will just be the next natural step.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): When's the last time you heard a guy complain that their GF hasn't had enough previous sexual partners?
Stop seeing this as a drawback and start seeing it as an asset. Plenty of guys will look at it that way.
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A
male
reader, goodguy11 +, writes (24 February 2010):
There's no standard for what age you should lose your virginity. It's a personal choice we all make ourselves. Most lose it in their teen years but I know most weren't ready to lose it just yet. Just because everyone is doing it doesn't mean you have to do it or feel pressured to. Be patient and when the right guy comes along I'm sure you'll be fine and happy that you waited for the right guy.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (24 February 2010):
 In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with being a 20-year-old virgin, and when the time and right man comes along, you will be fine. Most any man, experienced or not, and preferably in marriage, will be happy to be your first. The same will be the case with blow jobs when you're ready.
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