A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:modnote: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_deficit_hyperactivity_disorderHi there, I hope you can help!! My boyfriend and I have only been together a few months, but I have noticed a few things which are already starting to put pressure on me and make me wary. I suspect my boyfriend has ADHD (I have a couple of friends who have it so I am somehow familiar with it) here's why:1) He constantly interrupts me and we often lose trail of what we are talking about.2) He always seems on edge, eg sweating a lot/smokes a lot/his eyes are always flitting around the room and he rarely focuses on me/anything for more then a brief second3)He constantly fishes for compliments/reassurance eg: asking me several times in one night if I am 'happy with him/bored of him etc'4)He gets very angry very suddenly (not violent with me though)5)He is very VERY indecisive6)He gets distracted quite often... in the bedroom. This can be really frustrating!7) He talks A LOT, he doesn't seem to value 'comfortable silences' and waffles on and on. In fact when I lapse into one of these comfortable silences he immediately thinks there is something wrong.Please help, I really like this guy and don't want to give up before it has started but it's already driving me around the bend!!!!
View related questions:
violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2013): It's quite possible...what does he do for a living? Does he talk about work? Does he get evaluations? Sometimes hearing what he was evulated on and his responses to the explaination can also be telling.Have you tried, calmly, interupting him, when he is interupting you to please allow you to finish what you are saying, or asking him to allow you to finish your comment or thought before he interjects before you say what you want to say?Ask him about high school...small talk about how he was in school, what kind of person,kind of student, find a way to work it in. This also can be telling if he's an open book.He might also be feeling quite insecure. He likes you very much and he's falling over himself in love.You can try to nice and politely ask him to calm down, asked him questions that require him to think before speaking, making a contious effort in not following his jumping all over conversations and try to slow him down, etc. Get him to drink a black cup of coffee and see if that levels him out for an hour or so...how you will pull that off I have no idea lol, but I do remember a teenage boy I coached on a swimteam who had severe ADHD and it was unbearable some days, but if I had not witnessed it myself...him drinking that coffee and the behavior change (calm and focused) I would not have believed it.Anyway, if you really do like this guy, give it some time and in time you will be in a place that you can be honest about your concern if it really is ADD or ADHD. He can get help and there is help out there. He should not be ashamed, and with your support he can get work on leveling himself off with the right medication and certain coping skills to work through some of the undesirable behaviors.I hope it's just that right now, he's having major puppy love and wants everything to be perfect.
A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (24 March 2013):
 Diagnosing things like ADHD in adults is not easy. His behaviour could be any number of things to be honest. If it isn't affecting his life in any big way what do you think seeing a gp will achieve? They'd question him about drug use then if they did decide he had a ADHD do you think they would be keen to medicate him? Seems to me you are more concerned by his behaviour than he is. I think you just need to learn to love his quirks! It's what makes him him.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 March 2013):
 I would only get people with ADHD to get help when their disorder interferes with normal life like getting up and going to work on time, eating and sleeping normally. I don't like people who smoke though. It's a deal breaker for me.
If the list of 7 is all that he has I would say it's not extreme. He must have his endearing qualities to make you say you like him a lot.
If he doesn't have an official diagnosis, he knows he is different and it will be very hurtful to suggest he needs to get fixed. Growing up like this is not easy. I am sure the doctor part had been suggested before you came along. If you want him to get help make sure it's someone who specializes in organizational skills, occupation therapy, and not just someone who sells medicine.
When he gets talkative he does not mean to annoy you. It seems like he's working extra hard not to lose you. He needs to learn how to relax. It's okay to put a hand on his mouth and then hug him. He is uncomfortable with silence so he assumes that you are too, so you have to explain to him that you need more silence.
You have only been dating him for a few months. What I would say to him is you noticed he has excess nervous energies and they affect people around him. Ask him what else he does, besides talking, smoking, to calm down nervous energies.
Ideally I don't like relationships that require a lot of work, or like a project. I know he can be a good person but I don't need extra stress in my life. It's difficult to be him but it doesn't mean you have to share this burden.
...............................
|
