A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I would like to understand if I am being unreasonable in my conclusions, or if my bf is covering up his blunder. Here’s the details of the situation:1. My sister, I’ll call DD, is attractive and she has sort of a Betty Boop killer figure. She looks good in clothes, and she has a fun personality. DD had to deal with losing a couple of friends because her friends’ bf or husband were apparently hitting on her. Also, our brother-in-law (my other sister’s husband) propositioned her when his wife was out of town. 2. My bf of of 8 months and I went on a hike with my sister DD, and another man she had dated a couple of times, I’ll call him Jim. Next day, my sister tells me she’s not interested in Jim and wasn’t planning on going out with him again.3. Later, I’m in the car with my bf and he is driving. I don’t remember but somehow my sister DD came up in conversation. I mentioned that DD wasn’t interested in Jim.4. After I mentioned DD’s non-interest in Jim, there was a gleam in my bf’s eyes and a smile on his face. These are the exact words he said to me, “Is your sister interested in the same kind of men you are?”I was so stunned when he asked me this, I couldn’t even respond. “Really?” I thought, “you’re asking me, your gf, if my sister would be interested in dating you.”When I later told him how this upset me, he pretty much wouldn’t talk about it, because I guess I came off as accusatory. I couldn’t let it go, and brought it up at a later time. He told me I cannot know what he is thinking, and he told me is not interested in my sister.Is he being dishonest? Or, am I reading to much into what I saw and heard, (point 4)?I can get over the part where he appeared to have fancied my sister, if he is not interested in her anymore. But I don't seem to be able to get over what I believe is a lie to cover up his digression. If he is covering it up, is it normal man-behavior to NOT admit he took a cookie from the cookie jar after he was caught red-handed? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): Thanks, I appreciate the replies.
DanceInTheDark - I not concerned with him cheating with my sister. My concern is "why would a guy ask his gf, me, if her sister would be into him". My impression is that my bf thought he was being clever, and instead of directly asking me, he indirectly and asked me. Here's how I see it, he got excited that my sister was available, and immediately went in to 'mush' mode and thought he might have a shot at being her bf. So, my question was, "Was I reading too much into this situation?"
marieclaire - He was absolutely not teasing me. I think I'm just not caught up with the modern times where guys get to behave like horny imbeciles, because of what eddie85 said...
"It is part of our hormonal make up to analyze and assess any women we meet as to whether we'd bed her or not. Blame it on our testosterone or the world we live in, but us men tend to be wired for sex.
Can I trust him? - I don't know. I think mostly, yes, but I do have some doubts.
A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (3 August 2011):
 Well. Chances are he's not going to cheat on you with her. Chances he think she's sexy and fantasizes about sleeping with her.
Doesn't mean he's going to do anything about it though.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): angelDlite - Thanks for your reply.
When my soon to be ex-brother-in-law propositioned DD, she told our other sister. She would tell me also.
I have become hyper-vigilant because of this incident, and other incidents of him checking out women. But that doesn't change the facts in point 4. I think you nailed it with your comment about his mind turning to mush.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): Thanks for your replies. It's nice to see other perspectives on the matter.
Almight Ducky - Yes. He is the type that stares at women, and often times they like being admired by him. I hadn't experienced this behavior with any of my past relationships, so it was a bit shocking to me. I don't think he would cheat on me, but when I see him get excited over another women, I get kind of sick to my stomach.
eddie85 - I think I busted him too, I just wanted him to be honest when I later was talking to him calmly about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (2 August 2011):
 his response seemed insensitive, amazing how some men's common sense and tact turns to mush when there's a good looking woman around! but maybe you are being hyper-vigilant coz you know your sister is a looker and you know that there has been history of friends and her other sisters men fancying her. maybe he has was glad that there would be no more Jim coz he may not have enjoyed his company on the hike and is happy he does not have to see him again?
just keep an eye on things. can you talk honestly to your sister about your worries? let her know that if he comes onto her she MUST tell you, not cover up for him to spare your feelings, it is better to know the truth
x
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (2 August 2011):
 I am going to agree with Almighty ducky. I am sure, on some level, he may be remotely interested in your sister, but let's face it -- guys are interested in all kinds of girls. It is part of our hormonal make up to analyze and assess any women we meet as to whether we'd bed her or not. Blame it on our testosterone or the world we live in, but us men tend to be wired for sex.
In saying that, his comment was a bit on the caddish side. I would tend to agree with you that you probably busted him. Perhaps he has a minor secret fantasy but let's not blow it out of proportion at this point.
The question you need to ask yourself, "Can I trust my man around beautiful women?". You've dated him now for 8 months and you should have a general sense of his character. If you answer the above question as no or maybe, then I think you need to figure out if this man is a keeper or not.
Life is full of temptations, but it takes a real man to live by his convictions and know what is important and what is a fleeting fancy. Is this man able to distinguish between the two?
Only you can answer that.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (2 August 2011):
 Hey. Well personally i do think you may be reading into this too much. It really depends what type of person your bf is, is he the sort that looks at other women at every chance he gets ? or is he the sort who loves you and only you and wouldnt ever do anything like that ? He may of just asked the question because he was curious and meant nothing by it. Or perhaps he worded it in the wrong way. Before you start to worry that your bf could be cheating i would think if there is anything else out of the ordinary, maybe hes been acting wierd lately ? or has been late from work alot look for the natural tell tale signs, if there is nothing like that then i would calm down, keep a watchful eye on him and your sister but in no way be paranoid unless you are sure that he is up to something by using the tell tale signs. Hope this helps x
...............................
|
