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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi. Me and my bf of 18 months have taken two weeks off in august to spend togther. he is very independent and gets bored easily. I am very codependent but i'm working on it.Anyway, BECAUSE I am trying to work on it I decided in my head that it might not be such a good idea to spend the WHOLE of the two weeks togther, I'm worried we're both going to get bored, run out of things to say, and also I think there are other things we both want to do, separately.The thing is, although I have made that decision, I am now irritated as tonight he has text me telling me that he wants to go to a festival (one day) in london on the saturday and it falls right in the middle of the two weeks. I havnt shown or mentioned that I am irritated and we have agreed to spend most of the two weeks together, but mainly the 2nd week. I'm confused as to why although I decided that we shouldnt spend the whole of the two weeks togther, i now feel upset that he has made an arrangement to go to london with his friend! For the record, I cant go, me and this friend dont get on too well and it's my bfs best mate and they need their time together. Also, it has been ages since he went away with a friend, probably about a year (they will be staying the night). Am I being unreasonable and also, please advise, should we spend the whole of the two weeks togther as planned or do some separate activites too? I'm such a codependent person I find it really hard to know what the healthy thing is to do?!We cant afford to go away anywhere fancy, that was never the intention, we are buying a house togtehr so money is tight. It was more about chilling out togtehr and being off work. We dont live togther at the moment. Thanks for reading.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbtw,do you think I shouldnt even mention it to him,that I am annoyed? I kind of feel that I am being dishonest by not telling him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionp.s. I cant complain about this anyway,he'd only resent me. I have no choice but to keep quiet and pretend I dont mind. He's made his decision and I love him so thats that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI hear what you're saying and I agree. I have not let him know at all that I dont want him to go, in fact I suggested we do some separate things. Hwever, I am really quite annoyed that he wants to go away with his best mate right in the middle of our time off. It's kind of nice that he asked me if it was okay, and i also know that separate time away is really important if we are going to stay togther, although more for him than for me. Still, he does not get to see this friend often as he is allusive and awkward, and he is always going to be the kind of guy who HAS to spend regular time with his friends. So I guess it's okay.I struggle soemtimes to know whther my annoynace is unreasonable or not. It's nice to have somewhere to vent (here) rather than talk to him about it. I know if I told him how I feel about this it would push him away. He is exteremely independent (Sagittarius, whereas I am a home loving Capricorn!).
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 The healthy thing, in my opinion, would be to be together because you want to be together, and not to fret and overreact. You are so wound up about spending this 'time' together - how are you going to live with him?? You are going to be with him all the time then, and of course he is sometimes going to go out on his own, etc, and you are just going to be at home have a nice time on your own, or having a friend round, or going out yourself.
What is healthy is just to roll with it, and not to stress so much about what you do when you are together. My idea of a healthy two weeks together would be having sex most of the time, and then occasionally going out to get some food. Maybe having one or two nice dinners out. Maybe just going shopping and holding hands. And probably it wouldn't, you're right, include him going off to London with his best friend for the night, but then again, if he wanted to, I would be totally gracious about it, arrange something else to do, or just say cool, have a great time, I am going to lie on the sofa and watch Desperate Housewives. You will miss me. And smile at him.
You have to learn how to pretend to be laid back, even if you aren't. It is bloody difficult, I know - but what's the point of messing things up by being clingy and indecisive and insecure?
And, I don't think you should mention the word 'codependent' to him, ever. Don't label yourself in his eyes.
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