A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Ive been dating a guy for about a month now. I met him at work and so far things have been going well. Before this guy I was in a domestically abusive relationship, so to now meet someone who is kind and caring is a breath of fresh air. So far personality wise we get on great, hes had a difficult past, ive had a difficult past, he has a good sense of humour and the amount of care and compassion he shows to those around him is by far his best feature. There is one problem I am experiencing though and the more I focus on it the more bad I am feeling about it... he is the first guy I have ever been with who has an atheltic body type, and even though its wonderful I feel waaay out of my comfort zone.I have always been attracted to big men or tall men, I have never been with someone who for an instance has a six pack and the main reason for that being is because I myself am a bit chunky. Im not huge, but I would consider myself as chubby or curvy and I am a size 14. Ive gone out with big guys to help with my confidence issues, and now im going out with a guy who is really small, in height and body type I feel like im crushing him whenever we cuddle or have sex and things just feel awkward. I know this is probably all in my head and im just being over sensitive but I worry he aint attracted to me because im bigger, I have asked him and hes said that I shouldnt worry about it and if he didnt find me attractive he wouldnt be with me. What should I do about this issue?
View related questions:
at work, confidence, crush Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2015): Thank you for your feedback :) Im not going to break his heart and I have just finished therapy which has changed my life for the best. Of course I still have my down days where im self concious and really worry but normally with a bit of encouragement the worries eventually go away. I guess in a way all of these fears are just from the past, in the abusive relationship, my ex would never shut up about his exes, he would always compare me and it of course would make me feel like shit. I am in no way comparing this boyfriend to that boyfriend but of course things like that come into play occasionally. I know he loves me and I know he is attracted to me, I just occasionally worry especially as this is a first for me. I know the emotional atrraction is the part which matters the most, he brings out the best in me and I like to think I bring out some good in him too. Some days hes just not very affectionate but I did find out that he also was a victim of abuse- sexual abuse. He was raped multiple times when he was younger and I know when stuff like that happens you have to take more time and be more sensitive... some days I just of course worry its me thats the problem but I know he just needs for things to be taken slowly, as he tells me every day he loves me and finds me attractive. Im fine taking my time with him as he never fails to make me smile, thank you for the reasurance.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2015): It's really hard to find someone who cares for us just for who we are, and not all the superficial reasons that everyone expects. I want you to read all the wonderful things you've said about him; and wonder, why wouldn't he say the very same things about you? I mean, he's with you and shows you the best side of himself. Maybe that's because he likes you so much, you bring out the best in him. If he was looking for something just to look at, I guess he'd be the typical superficial guy. He's not perfect, and you accept him for who he is. Why can't he do the same for you?
We can do a lot of talking and give you a lot of encouragement here. You may need the help of a professional who may have to go far beyond just kind and encouraging words. Only because, you may sabotage your relationship over a lot of stuff rolling around in your brain that isn't so.
If you were abused, seek some counseling so you won't break his heart, and end up breaking your own as well. If he's with you, that is because he wants to be; and he likes you just as you are. Just the fact he could have someone different is proof in itself; he sees something in you that he wants needs. You make him want to be good. That's really special. You make him love you, and that's can't be found very easily. Please don't mess it up! Get help before you do!
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (8 September 2015):
 In answer to your question: What do you think you can do about it? I can't think of anything except, stop worrying. That would be one good thing to do. It has never helped anyone.
You have asked him and he gave you a reply.
Many men like women to look like women and not like beanstalks. So, embrace who you are and let your natural beauty shine through. :-)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2015): Hey, I know how you feel! my boyfriend is smaller than me in height and weight. Im sure he would tell you nicely if you was hurting him. Normally when im making out with my boyfriend i let him on top of me then i dont have to worry about it :)
...............................
|
