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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I have a complicated problem and I need help. I have a mother who is a drug addict and alcoholic. Shes got 2 weeks to move out of her apartment because she's way behind on rent and doesn't want to work. She's been hinting around with me that she wants to move in with me and I really don't want this, nor does my fiancé. She has stolen from us in the past. She will not and can not help pay for anything because she spends all her money on things she shouldn't be. She expects me to help her with money when she needs it and I don't agree with that. Really and truly she stresses me out big time and I can't handle living with her. I've explained to her multiple times why I don't think her living with us is a good idea and she just doesn't get it. I'm not happy and I don't support her lifestyle. I need advice on how I'm going to tell her she can't live with us, but what should I say? If she's mad she can get violent and I need to put mine and my fiancés safety first.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2015): You may want to reach out to a local shelter or get her into rehab. They will see that she gets treatment for her drug and alcohol abuse problem; and help her through withdrawal due to those addictions. They may also provide her with temporary shelter. I don't know what country you're in; but most countries have hot-lines and rehab facilities for people who voluntarily seek admission for treatment. Find her one, but do not take her into your home.
You don't have to assume this responsibility when you know she's on the skids. I know it breaks your heart to turn-down your own mother. Until she loses everything and hits rock-bottom; she will never seek treatment for her addictions. She's counting on your empathy, but that will turn into scorn if she betrays your hospitality. And she will.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 September 2015):
 Tell her no. You don't HAVE to explain why. She won't like it, but really WHAT can she do? IF she gets upset or mad and stop talking to you, I'd take it as a reprieve. She will be back with demands for money or help.
As much as I love my family with all my heart and soul, if any of them were drug using alcoholics I wouldn't WANT them in my home either.
YOU are not her caretaker, nor are you responsible for her.
I understand that it must be almost impossible to say no, if the alternative is her being in the streets. So I would look into what kind of help she can get through the state/government.
Maybe consider joining a al anon group so you can talk to other people who have family member in the same situation (or similar) to you, for support and advice.
http://www.al-anon.org/
It won't be easy, but you know what would happen soon after she moves in... She would steal, she would lie, she wouldn't contribute a penny and she might even ruin your relationship.
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