A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I Have been with my boyfiend for nearly 4 years. Our sex life is pratically well..non exsistant! this started to happen since maybe september ish time last year ( 2010)sex maybe once a week is accetable?? or not even that every couple of weeks!For the first time ever 3 weeks ago i found porn on his computer. I was angry, hurt, upset and felt degraded. He always said hes not into that sort thing and that it doesnt intrest him.. untill lately as it seems. I confronted him about it and asked if he stil found me attractive etc ( which he said yes )but he said he didnt no y he done it and he wasn even that intrested in it. He barely even kisses me i might be lucky and get one on the cheek but thats it. ive been up to a week without him kissing me properly. No sex life no kissing etc im feeling down about it .BUT he does tell me he loves me everyday and i get a cuddle when he comes in from work . and i always cuddle him for affection.it all makes me think he doesnt fancy me anymore or intrested in sleeping with me . He knows how i feel , and i ask him y we dont sleep together and have kisses etc like we use to and he just says hes either tired or its not always up to him. But to me its more then that. he wither a) cant be bothered and bored with me, b)he finds other women attractive ( hence the porn,coz to me that tells me ur not entirely happy with what you got at home (since hes never done that stuff before) .anyone help me please...i feel really unwated and not loved like i use to . i thought all men in there early 20s always wanted a bit of hanky panky at least . i also know sex aint eveything of a realtionship but i dont know y hes gone like that,and when i confront him he still loves me if not more now then ever and he still fancies me etc. I dont get it ! why is he doing the opposite ?thankyou and sorry its so long
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female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (17 March 2011):
 @ DB I think we gave her the male & female version of the same advise, yours is better written though... :)
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (17 March 2011):
 There's more to love than sex, and it's common for sex to drop off in a long term relationship.What you need to do is confront the situation. You need to have a real talk about how you feel because of his lack of affection. You need to tell him why you're feeling that way. You need to tell him you really love him and want to get closer with him like you used to be.How he responds in this conversation will determine the next step you need to take. You should also do your best to keep the conversation calm, and focus more on your feelings. That way he won't feel as attacked and the conversation can stay civil rather than turning into a fight.It sounds to me like something is up. It could be stress at work, or with you, but he's not addressing it and it's coming out in these behaviors. You need to encourage him to communicate what he's feeling, good and bad, with you and do your best not to judge him for it. Even if he tells you something that hurts you (as long as it's not that he's cheating on you) thank him for telling you. Problems can never be addressed if they are burried. Eventually they always explode, so it's best to get the problem into the open before it gets out of hand.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (17 March 2011):
I think you are right, something has changed with him. he stopped wanting sex with you as much as he used to, and now he is suddenly interested in porn when he never was before.Maybe he is losing interest, or bored, maybe it is something else. But you can't fix it unless he is honest about it with you about what is going on. So I guess all you can do is say to him something like, Look I'm not stupid, I know something is wrong, and I'd like to help you with it if I can, or at least understand it. But I'm not willing to go on like this, with you keeping secrets from me and never wanting to have sex hardly anymore. So either tell me what's going on or we're over.
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A
female
reader, peace143 +, writes (17 March 2011):
every women needs to feel love and wanted... maybe treating him like a man would help. do something nasty, sexy for him... try something you guys have never tried. ask him what he wants and do your best....
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