A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this guy for little while now. We began having sex 1 month into the relationship, and it was amazing! But, since he began a new job, which can be physically demanding, we hardly ever have sex. We only spend the night together on weekends, as we both work during the week, but no sex.I'm worried, because when we first started seeing each other, he told me he was always horny, and just the thought of going down on me made him hard. Now, we rarely have sex. This weekend we masturbated each other, but no penetration. I know he is not cheating, and he tells me he doesn't feel like having sex because he's sore and tired from work, but he is more than happy to accept a handjob or blowjob, though he doesn't ask for it. I'm just concerned that he might not enjoy sex with me.Am I just overreacting? I've only broached the subject with him once, as I don't want to seem like a worrywart. He always tells me he loves me, talks about a future together, says things like "when we have kids together", etc. So, I'm just crazy thinking that there's a problem here, right? He's just tired from work, and happily accepts handjobs and blowjobs because he can just lie there and enjoy? Has anyone been in this situation before? I'm just looking for some honest opinions. I'm fairly certain I'm just being silly, but want someone else's perspective here.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2012): this is a quiet commom problem. please calm down. take things on a slower note. change of job can freak even the toughest guys. thie pressure on his head is what is taking his mind off sex. from what you've said you both'll have a great future together, provided you dont breath down his neck. please relax let him take some time to settle down at work. if things still worsen then we mingh be looking at a polite men unwilling to dissapoint a loving girl whome he has fallen out of love.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2012): No you're not crazy OP. The sex has died down and you're not being fulfilled that's a real problem. Of course he'll accept pleasure it's the laziest way of doing things.
Look OP, the tired from work excuse doesn't cut it for me. Yeah he can be tired from work but to me it's not excuse. I mean if he keeps this job for say the next year, that means no sex for the next year and you only see each other on weekends as it is. That to me is unacceptable.
How is he tired from work on the weekends OP? If he's working all week and not on the weekends then tiredness is a shit excuse, he's just being lazy and the fact remains you've allowed it. He still gets his needs satisfied by you and doesn't really have to do anything in return.
It's nothing to do with attraction OP, it's just laziness and the fact that you've accepted it.
Broaching the subject is not enough, you need to talk to him.
OP tell him that you need more sex, you want him to take you and ravage you, you need that. If he says sorry, or it's just work is very tiring. Then ask him the simple question, okay then so as long as you work there I'm not going to get sex? if he says things will improve then ask him when and how they're going to improve. OP being tired is a fair enough excuse if you were working that day and it was particularly tough, but it's not an acceptable excuse if it means you never get any sex and sorry to contradict So_Very_Confused but sex is not even nearly hard work for us guys, it's 10-20 minutes of very pleasurable physical effort and you can go on top too. he can't spare 10-20 minutes of effort at least once a week? That's a problem OP.
But it's very fixable, he's gotten lazy and taken for granted he'll get pleasured, so make foreplay a prelude to sex and not a substitution. Start him off with a blow job or hand job but don't finish him, one minute or two minutes then assume the position, if he wants to finish off then sex will be the way. We guys get very tired and lazy after ejaculation OP, our instinct is to sleep, or lay back and do nothing. By finishing him off with your hand you're making him more tired. So start him off, then get on your back and pull him over on top of you. get him into good habits and don't take him not initiating as a sign of attraction, it's not. It's just laziness.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2012): I had a relationship with a guy who, at first, seemed to be up for what I'd call a normal amount of sex (couple of times a week) though it was always over quickly and he wouldn't reciprocate oral sex and couldn't even be bothered with much foreplay.
Over months, it dwindled to 'hardly ever' and when we did have sex it was over far too quickly with him being the only one having an orgasm. I used to initiate but got so fed up of being turned down that I stopped. Being rejected so many times was very difficult for me. And when we did have sex I would be more frustrated afterwards than I was before. So we more or less stopped.
There were other problems in the relationship, but this was a BIG problem. It's more than just a difference in libidos I think. If he doesn't even want to try, doesn't want to reciprocate, won't compromise at all, it shows that he's not that committed to you or the relationship.
Maybe check that he's not depressed or has another medical problem. Hopefully it might be a passing phase? But if I was you I wouldn't put up with this for too long.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 December 2012):
 my husband is happy with a blow job. we rarely have sex even though he loves me and wants me happy.
I thought i would be ok with it since i get affection and kisses and hugs daily but I'm starting to not be ok with it. I feel used and unloved and unwanted.
Blow jobs and hand jobs are easier than sex... sex is hard work for a guy...
you are not being silly. if you are not living together and sex is already not on the table it's a red flag.
have you asked him what's going on?
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