A
female
age
30-35,
*oeismeanyou
writes:I've been dating A for 5 months now and things have been better than all my other past relationships luckily. I've been thinking a lot about our future, but one thing seems to get in the way, and that's his mother. He's Mexican and his family is tight net. In the long run, they take care of one another which is something my family never experienced. I think within the last year or so, his dad ended up getting deported and he ended up moving back in with his mom and his 2 brothers (one is 20 and the other is 4/5) and his one sister (9) to help out with with bills. But, I am worried about what is going to happen in the future. I've been noticing that every time his mom stays jump, he says how high. Every time his mom calls to so she can get help for shopping, which I don't understand who needs help shopping when they're not disabled, in which she's not,or to do something that someone can do on their own, he has to leave in a hurry. Every time she has to go to a party, he has to accompany her. There are plenty of times where we would make plans weeks in advance, and then he would cancel to tend to his mother. I understand, family first, but I am worried sick about what's going to happen when we have a baby (I'm a few weeks pregnant). He's the only boyfriend I've had that I never see myself breaking up with and I can't see my future without him. I don't plan on moving in with them, which was an option, because I don't like living under someone else's rules but my own. But, I don't want him to continuously leave to go help his mom do things she can do on her own. What should I do? I know I can't make him choose, but I feel as though he'd leave me because his mom says so.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 December 2016):
 Hmm honeypie is right you got pregnant way to soon. He is the oldest and he has been brought up as family first. Therefore he goes running to help his mum because he loves and respects her. I guess your family are different.
Have you actually tried and spoke to him about how you feel? Have you told him how worried you are? I would begin there and see how it goes.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 December 2016):
 But he is the oldest, correct?
Taking over the role as "man" of the house quite often falls to the oldest. And he takes that job seriously. Make his dad ASKED him to do this for the family? and he wants to HONOR his dad?
Or he is a total momma's boy.
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A
female
reader, woeismeanyou +, writes (9 December 2016):
woeismeanyou is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHoneypie, she has a car of her own and another son that also can help her out.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 December 2016):
Well, getting pregnant so soon into a relationship may not be the smartest thing to do. 5 months in you know a person, but not deeply. There are still so many things that will and can surface.
Being there for his mom, being the "man" of the house for her since the father isn't there I think is "normal" in many cultures. Them being a tight-knit family on top if it, I don't think it's surprising.
Can she drive? Does she drive? OR is that why he helps out with the shopping? Because she doesn't drive? Again, it might just be that in THIS family helping mom with shopping is normal.
His dad isn't there so HE stepped up. I think it shows that he is a responsible kid when it comes to family, but apparently not when it comes to birth-control.
THIS is how his family works, whether you like it or not - whether you are pregnant or not. My advice? SPEND time with his family, maybe even consider finding a place close by them so you can go too and be part of helping the mom out. OR accept that you are NOT the top priority in his life.
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