A
female
age
30-35,
*aybaybay_x
writes:Me and my boyfriend got together in september. He took about 5 months to make it official. All in all we've been together for 8 months. He had a thing with a girl that goes to our university. They were really close and she stopped the fling and moved on to someone else. When we started talking, he said on a drunken night that he stopped talking to her because she wanted to still be close whilst seeing the other guy. The other guy is actually my ex and he often says things like he's sweet and he's not sweet and that's probably why girls flock to him. We do get on really well and he takes me out and we are always having fun together. But I can't help but feel that he sometimes wishes he could have her. Sometimes he can be really hot and cold. Sometimes I feel like he's really into me and why am I worrying and sometimes I feel like he's not that into me ... She was there for him when his friend died, they were always together, but she didn't feel anything towards him. When they stopped talking, she has come back to him trying to be friends on occasion to which he declined. I often conclude that it may be an ego thing as he mostly speaks about the guy she's with now rather than her. But, I can't shake the feeling as of late. It might be my thoughts getting the best of me.. help?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 April 2015):
 He declines to be her friend, that means he's over her. You are with each other for 5 months, you can only speculate that the hot and cold behavior is typical of guys. They need space to breathe to miss you. Right now all you can do is make the best out of this relationship because comparing his past is not doing any good. He could also be worrying that you rather be with your ex.
On the other hand, I do understand why you have your doubts though. If he always brings up the guy she is seeing, it makes it sound like he is with you so that he's equal with her. She's got someone and he got someone. It would bother me too. Tackling this is tricky because he is not doing anything wrong. You just don't feel like you are his special princess, more like a consolation prize.
Unrequitted love is intense because people put others on pedestal and didn't have the chance to see their flaws. It becomes the unreachable ideal that distracts you in real life. If you need help with decisions to stay or go in the relationship, I would say it's totally okay to leave if you don't feel he's into you. No one has to settle with an okay, workable relationship.
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