A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So me and my girlfriend have been together almost 2 years and were best friends for a year before we started dating. I fucked up about 8 months into our relationship and had sex with a girl after a party and was drunk and convinced myself it didn't happen. So I never told her. Then I was once again under the influence of some drugs and alcohol and then I fucked another girl. I kept it a secret except for to a couple people. Of course she eventually got word of the recent cheating I did. When she confronted me about it I lied at first then the next day she found out about the one that happened the first time so I sat her down and told her the truth once she told me she knew. I came clean with everything and told her I was going to change my life because I was not living a healthy lifestyle. She says she will always love me but can not look at me the same or ever touch me right now. she said she needs her space and I am actually sorry and so remorseful for what I did I feel like the worst person in the world because I did this to the girl of my dreams that I never thought I would hurt but really I was trying not to hurt her by not telling her. What I did was not excusable but how much time does she exactly need to stop being angry at me and eventually let me back in to talk to her. I wrote her a 7 page paper of how much she means to me and that I know I fucked up and that I'm going to change myself for the better but if she doesn't want to talk to me or see me how do I show her I've changed? I just want her back so I can treat her the way she deserves once I fix myself. I know she needs space but idk how long or what to do because if I give her too much Space she might think I'm not trying to get her back.
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best friend, drugs, drunk, needs space Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 April 2015):
 I don't think you can "just" wipe the slate clean. She has lost all faith and trust in you. And from what you write... she isn't interested in trying again.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2015): "Is there a possibility of starting new not even fixing it but building a new foundation when she is ready?"
No.
She will never be ready.
She would be a complete fool to even consider taking back someone who has proven himself beyond all doubt to be a lying, cheating, self-serving, excuse-making coward.
You're experiencing situational remorse; you're not sorry that she's suffering from your transgressions against her, you're sorry that you're suffering for getting caught.
If you really loved her then you would be genuinely respectful and considerate of her feelings instead of trying to get her back on your terms for your convenience.
Read WiseOwlE's advice again and grow up.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2015): I am changing my life for the better and have cut all the bad things out. Is there a possibility of starting new not even fixing it but building a new foundation when she is ready?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2015): You have remorse after the fact. You're sorry after you're totally busted. That's the kind of guy women call a "tool," my young friend.
How much time does she need before she takes back a liar and a cheater? A guy who gets drunk, and mixes alcohol with drugs? I'd say hopefully, forever plus never! If she's smart.
You're young and foolish. You're learning in the school of hard knocks. You have to bump your head and break your own heart; before you learn to respect females, and behave yourself. Get it all out of your system now. As you mature, more will be expected of you as a man. You're sowing your wild oats now; but you're a bit too wild for your own good.
Drugs and alcohol? Seriously?!! Ten to one, you drive as well! Like we guys don't get a bad-wrap enough as it is?
You're also on our way to a date with law enforcement!
You want her to take you back after cheating on her, not once, but twice?!!
I'm not your father; but let me give you a dose of what my dad would hand me.
You have to feel the pain of heartbreak longer; so you'll know the pain you've inflicted. What goes around comes around! You're just a kid, getting some crazy experience under his belt. All in fun. You're making some pretty bad choices already, and that doesn't give you a very good outlook for the future. With women, or for yourself.
I hope the pain lingers with you just a little longer so you'll know what she's feeling. She shouldn't suffer because of you. You should get a dose of what heartache feels like; so you will be more responsible for your actions, and more empathetic towards the feelings of someone you care for. I have to be tough on you; because so many young men start out badly at your age. Some never learn, and just get even worse with age. Women trust none of us because of it. Would you like some guy to treat your sister like that? If your father treated your mother like that? Absolutely not!
Please be careful with what you're putting in your body. Partying way too hard! Now you see how badly such a mixture, or either, can f*ck-up your judgment. You not only can hurt yourself; but you can lose someone you really love. Your letter to her is hogwash. You should have valued her more before she dumped you. Now you're doing it in hindsight, and that doesn't really carry much value.
You get many more chances to redeem yourself. You're really young, and will make more mistakes even when you're twice your age. You have to lose something valuable to fully realize the full-extent of the harm you've done. You'll make fewer mistakes if you let these lessons sink-in.
If you want love and trust, you've got to value and earn them. Beneath it all, I know you're a good kid. Just having a bit too much fun, and being reckless about it. Now you know better.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 April 2015):
I wouldn't take you back AT all, so I'm not really going to try and give you advice on how to "get" her back.
LEARN from your mistakes OWN you actions. Blaming your cheating on drug and alcohol is a piss poor excuse - specially the second time around, when you KNOW what happened the first time... If you can't control yourself when using and drinking - be a grown person and don't use/drink.
She told you, I don't WANT to BE with you. Respect that. Change your lifestyle if you think it's messed up, not for this (or another girl) but for you own sake.
Accept that actions have consequences. When you mess up... you end up with a mess. Or... without a GF.
Time to grow up.
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