A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there.I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years and I love him very very much. The problem is I'm so insecure about my looks and I can't bear the thought of him looking at other women! It started when I read a message that my boyfriend had sent to his friend about 6 months after we got together. His friend had asked him if I was "fit" and my boyfriend's reply was "Er, she's not exactly a supermodel but she's nice inside and that's what I was looking for." I managed to tell him I'd read it and he said he'd worded it wrong and he didn't want someone who looked like a supermodel. I know I'm not gorgeous but the way he said it sounded like he was saying I'm ugly, which I really did not want to hear my own boyfriend say, especially after he'd been paying me compliments. Whenever we've talked about it I do believe him that he didn't mean it how it sounded but then when I think about it on my own I realise that he's not going to say to me that he doesn't find me attractive and perhaps I'm niave to believe him. I know that he loves me and it's not going to break us up or anything but I just cant help feel really jealous and miserable when I catch him looking at other women (though he says he doesn't) and hate the idea of him comparing them to me. I also feel a little bit sorry for myself (pathetic I know) because I am so in love with him and devoted to him and think he is the most gorgeous thing in the world and have never looked at another man in that way since we got together.Should it really bother me this much?(Just to add, my ex boyfriend, who I was with for 6 years, at the time told me he didn't fancy anyone else but as soon as we split up reeled out a long list of people he did actually fancy and wanted to sleep with.)I really do trust my boyfriend not to cheat on me so why am I so bothered about this???
View related questions:
insecure, jealous, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): Your boyfriend sounds really nice and genuine :) You're attractive to him because of who you are, which is the best reason to have someone love you. I'm considered very beautiful by a lot of people and men look at me all the time. It doesn't mean anything. You're very lucky. I wish I was less an object of desire and more someone a man could fall in love with, like your guy has with you. He knows what's important and he sees those things in you!
A
female
reader, Tan +, writes (13 July 2009):
Your ex boyfriend is a d**k, in all fairness. The guy you got now though, he seems pretty genuine. It's really difficult, and every insecurity you have is going to make this so much harder but you really have to try. Get in front of a mirror. Turn your music up. Sing. Dance. Get comfortable with yourself. Think about who you are, you wanna be. What you wanna do. You can look like a supermodel and still hate the way you look. You cannot control what someone else thinks. You can't control whether someone you love finds someone else attractive. But it's all prosthetics. You're walking down the street, holding hands. You catch him looking at a girl that you think is more attractive than you. It's normal to instantly feel s**t and compare yourself. You get angry. You don't wanna hold his hand all of a sudden. You gotta understand that that guy you say you love isn't comparing you to this vision of supposed beauty. He's just looking her way. He might not even be looking at her. I've gone off on a rant, but all I'm trying to say is that he's with you. You don't wanna waste the time you have together by feeling jealous and insecure. Nothing should taint the way you feel. Guys find confidence attractive. Like yourself. Love yourself. Before you're supposed inadequacies wreck your relationship. Attractiveness is all about perspective, and your boyfriend clearly thinks you're enough.Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, TheAgonyAunt +, writes (13 July 2009):
 Maybe what your ex did effected you and the message your boyfriend sent probably didn't help either.Everybody is gorgeous in their own way and you shouldn't think of yourself as 'ugly'.. you need to learn to accept yourself, you could be a lot worse off.I think your just feeling insecure because of all of this but in the message he did say that he was looking for someone that is nice inside and that's all that should matter. A girl that looks like a super model on the outside could easily be a bitch and self centered inside so don't worry.He wouldn't be with you at all if he didn't find you the least bit attractive. Try to accept yourself as you are and try to trust your boyfriend, all boys look at other girls, women probably look at other guys too, but they wouldn't necessarily want to be with them.Hope everything works out ok. :)x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009): Because we're human? its normal to feel insecure from time to time. I feel that way too with my boyfriend and from that insecurity I also have low self esteem. Remind yourself of all the good qualities you have, and why your boyfriend fell in love with you. Its good to hear that he loves you for your heart and your mind and honestly, there is such a small minority of women who are actually built like supermodels, his comment that you weren't like one may just mean that you're not the super skinny, super tall type, which is completely fine. Don't beat yourself too much about it :) I know it's hard cos I do it from time to time too, but just remember all the things that you like about yourself, physical or not and emphasise them. Remind yourself if your boyfriend is checking out another girl, that he CHOSE to be with you. there must be a heck of a lot about you that he likes :)good luck! xx
...............................
|
