A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time the other day. It wasn't my first time altogether but it was my first in a few months. I'd only ever had sex with one other guy before but it wasn't all as great as I thought sex had been glammed up to be. We would do it once a week and it would only last a few minutes. We only ever had two different positions we would alternate between every once in a while and it wasn't very thrilling or exciting. However, sex with my boyfriend is COMPLETELY different. We've only done it the once but I already thought it was better than everytime I'd done it with my ex all rolled into one. It was fun and upbeat, we lasted a whole hour and we'd changed position more times in that hour than me and my ex had our entire sex life. It was mind blowing and more like how sex is hyped up to be like in films or on TV. I really couldn't complain about him or his methods etc BUT I have a really addictive personality and ever since we had sex it's all I've been able to think about. We've been talking about how we both felt it was amazing etc and he's eager to go again and again and again. I guess this doesn't really seem like a problem, it's just as much as I love having sex with him I don't want to become addicted to it and rely on it. Is it normal for me to be thinking about it all the time and wanting more? Is there anyway I can stop myself from becoming addicted?Thanks for your help :)
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (15 July 2011):
Hi. I'm glad that he does treat you well and you do stuff together, so you do have a pretty good balance in your relationship generally speaking.
So it isn't just about sex, and nothing else.
So in that case, enjoy it while it lasts.
As you get to know each other for longer, and as someone else here also said, sex while still being really enjoyable, will not be your only focus in your relationship.
So no, I wouldn't say it was an addiction - because of this.
It's more because of the newness of the relationship that there is a tendency to feel like you can't get enough of it. And that's perfectly normal.
While ever you are with this guy, the sex will always be great, but it might become a little less frequent over time. But that's no big deal. It will be appreciated even more, when there is slightly less of it.
It will be more balanced out and you won't be quite so totally absorbed in thoughts about it all the time.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): "Is there anyway I can stop myself from becoming addicted?"
Get married, have kids, a job, and financial issues. That might help.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice guys!I'm just going to go with it for now like chigirl said. Afterall, I'm still young so why not just enjoy my life and what I have when I have it? I'm hoping the novelty will wear off soon like someone suggested it might. I've also spoken to him about it (I showed him this question actually) and he said that he doesn't want us to turn into just sex so he's gonna make even more of an effort to take me out places etc. Thanks again for your help!
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (13 July 2011):
 Just like Pringles, once you pop you just can't stop!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 July 2011):
 It's tricky. But for now I'll say just go for it. Get addicted to it, and see how it goes. As long as your new found addiction doesn't get in the way of school or work or anything else, then enjoy. Just make sure you don't skip meals, you need a lot of nutrition to keep up this new life style.
I'm an addict myself. It gets tough when you have to abstain (like when you are single, or go away on vacation and don't get to see each other for weeks, or go long distance for some months at a time), but it takes willpower and dedication to that person, and you'll get through.
The other unfortunate thing about being an addict to good sex is that mediocre sex just wont do any longer. Meaning if you and your boyfriend split up, you wont accept the mediocre in bed any longer. And you might find yourself being disappointed and never quite fulfilled by later lovers. But, as you will also learn: sex isn't everything. If the man is rubbish but the sex is hot, you might cling on for the sex for a while. Ultimately however you will see that you need more than great sex to be happy in a relationship.
Anyway, with all the risks and all... if you come across great sex enjoy it for all it is worth, and if you can't have it forever then at least you will have the memory. Better to have had amazing sex a period in your life than to never have had amazing sex, if you ask me. Even if it ruins you for other men, lol.
By the way, another more fitting word than addiction is to have a healthy appetite for sex. Enjoy it for all it is worth! If you wonder how much is to much let me tell you that if I could I would have sex at least twice a day. And I have too, at one point, it just isn't always practical. But it isn't unhealthy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): once you start doing it more with him, you'll start to take it for granted and then you won't be addicted to it anymore.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your help!
It was only the once that we've had sex and we do do other things together. We go out for really long walks, he takes me to the movies. When he comes over we will sometimes just cuddle on the bed and talk. We go to the local park and mess around and have fun. He takes me for little rides on his motorbike.
Since we've had sex it has certainly been one of the best things about our relationship but not all of it. We haven't had sex since yet.
To answer your questions:
When he comes over we usually go out for a bit for a walk or chill and listen to some music. Like I said, we only had sex once and that was after we came home from a few hours down the local park.
He offers to spend A LOT of money on me (He offered to pay for my car) but I don't like it so if he does it's the odd movie ticket or dinner out.
He is really lovely to me. He treats me with respect (We only had sex after he had asked me three times if I was sure it was what I wanted) He does swear around me but not to me and never agressively so I don't mind that.
I am just worried that all those things we do and the things you've suggested we do will become more rare and the sex more frequent. I guess I'll just have to be more aware if sex starts taking over. Thanks again :)
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (13 July 2011):
Hi there. At your young age, it's probably fairly normal I would think.
It's the hormones kicking in, as well. It definitely plays a part, at any rate.
Why you feel you are becoming addicted, is probably because sex is the only thing you both do whenever you are together.
You need to add other activities to your life - leaving the house and going on a picnic, going for a drive, going to a cafe, see a movie, do something fun.
People often resort to sex in the absence of other fun things to do. It becomes a habit, even as fantastic as it might be.
Another good way to slightly curb your insatiable appetite for sex, could be to exercise more.
Perhaps you could go for some nice long walks about 3 days a week for about 1 hour each time. It's great for stress relief, and helps you to sleep well at night.
I suggest going for these walks when you are not seeing him - in your own free time.
Another suggestion is reading some exciting adventure or mystery novels. Books where you are completely absorbed. Then at least your mind is on other things.
It could be that you just don't do enough interesting fun things in your life on a regular basis, so sex is it!
And believe me, it's not that uncommon.
The more fun stuff you can add into your life, the less need there will be to have sex all the time, the way you do.
The downside of having feverish sex all the time at every opportunity, is that the sex itself can ultimately burn itself out altogether - and then it's over.
Even though you probably can't see the likelihood of this, it could happen over a few weeks or a few months.
And I say this especially, if sex is the only good thing about your relationship.
What I mean by this is, does he come over and all you do is straight away, it's sex, sex and more sex?
Or, does he take you out and spend money on you, and take you to nice places and treat you well?
- Does he speak nicely to you?
- Does he swear at you or use indecent language with you?
- Does he sometimes give you flowers or chocolates or other gifts?
- Does he treat you with respect and dignity at all times?
- Does he take you granted?
- Does he use you?
- Is he considerate of your feelings?
Why I'm asking these questions, is for you to have a think about how you do get treated by him.
Have a think about it anyway.
If all your relationship is, is sex and no going out etc., well then it's probably unlikely that it will ever develop into something more meaningful to you, in future.
So that's something else to consider.
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