A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend (not real names) Lenny has a best friend named kate. kate has a brother- Nico who came for a visit in the country. we all arranged to go out with 2 other friends as well on friday night. however Lenny did not show up. they played some nice music and i had a couple of drinks. i got tipsy. i danced closely, cuddled and spent a lot of time with Nico. after the outing we all went to kate's place in her car, we tried to squize into the car but Nico offered i sit on his laps for all of us to fit in the car. When we reached Kate's place Nico slept in his room and the rest of us shared kate's room. i.e i did not sleep with Nico.the following day i learnt that, kate and Nico were not happy, especially Kate. she felt i betrayed her best friend Lenny and used her brother Nico,because to her the prevouis night's actions made her think i liked her brother that night.the next evening(saturday) we went out again and Lenny showed up and apologised for not showing up on friday (previous night). i spent the whole evening with him.i am not trying to justify myself but sincerely i do not have feelings for Nico, i was just under the influence of alcohol. all who meet us that night thought Nico was my 'new boyfriend'.it has been 2 days since all this happened. Lenny has no idea of the whole incidence. however i think Kate will tell him or any of the other friends who were out with us.kate says i am a user and a cheat. when lenny and i are around her she gets unconfortable. Lenny and i love each other,and lenny is very close and believes alot in Kate. i dont want to loose him, i love him a lot. they are such best friends that kate's judgment can influence Lenny's decisions.at the moment Kate and Nico have left the country for a 3 weeks vacation and Nico maynot return to the country for a long time, but im sure kate will keep in contact with Lenny even during these 3 weeks. please help.my friend advised i just ignore the whole situation and she told kate i was tipsy and i dont recall any of the things that occured that night.what is your opinion? if am to talk to Lenny please advise on what i should say such that i dont ruin our love
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you sooo much for your responses!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009): Dont say anything. Just get amnesia and have no memory of anything that happened. Its easier to defend yourself if you say you do not remember than if you admit to it because if you remember, that means you knew what you were doing. If Kate is this powerful that she can break you up with your man then its time to break them up. How do you know that maybe she will one day want him for herself? Start planting seeds of doubt in his mind about Kate so that if she tells him anything, he already has doubt in his mind.
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A
male
reader, bojolay  +, writes (21 December 2009):
 If you care about Lenny then I believe you should tell him - to the best of your recollection - before Kate or someone else does. At least that way when Kate does tell him Lenny will have had some time to consider the issue.
As for your decision to interact with Nico I think it demonstrates that you are not prepared to have a love relationship yet. You are not prepared to accept the obligations of love, or maybe you are only considering what love feels like for you but not the other person. Your interaction with Nico does not prove that you are a user because it was a solitary event. Your concern demonstrates that you believe you did something wrong - and that's good. That's good because maybe you can learn to be a better person. Asking for opinions is good too because it shows you will consider other viewpoints. However, you chose to get drunk and while drunk you chose to be intimate with Nico and that makes your boyfriend look like a fool and it makes you look like a drunken slut. And regardless of whether you did or did not have sex with Nico - your boyfriend will think you did. You have broken trust. Your boyfriend deserves to know that when you are left alone you may get drunk and get intimate with any other man who is available. However, when you've mature emotionally you may learn that if you love somebody you are not even remotely interested in getting drunk or spending your time with other men socially. Work is different.
good luck
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