A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:In this day and age, I know it's rare to find virgins, and it's even rarer to find someone willing to tell the truth about their virginity. I am an 18 year old female, who's a firm believer in keeping abstinence until marriage with the right person. This is not just religious reasons; it's also respect for the one I'll find in the future, as well as avoidance of future "scandals," sexually transmitted diseases, etc.; I truly believe that virginity is the best form of love you can give to your life partner.The reason why I'm beginning to question myself, however, is because I haven't found anyone else around me who either a) believes me, or b) respects my wishes to find a virgin partner as well. People tell me to "loosen up," or laugh at me, telling me it's ridiculous to expect my "future husband" to be a virgin. And when I tell people "I don't believe in that" they turn away from me. One person even spewed hate at me, saying sex is natural (which I do agree) and that it should be satisfied whenever needed (which I do not agree) and that I was a "freak" (which really hurt me). I have found very, very few friends who respect me, but even then I feel like sooner or later I may give in to peer pressure, epsecially when I enter college - and I know doing so would devastate me. But I don't enjoy being isolated from other people, either. I've even started having thoughts that my "strictness" is going to lead me down a very lonely path in life, which honestly scares me.I guess what I'm trying to ask is is it all right to believe in waiting when no one else around you is? Am I ever going to find my soul mate? Is it wrong to expect him to be a virgin, too?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): Hey there hun, I posted a question here last week - I'm a 20 year old still-virgin girl, and while I'm coming at the whole virginity aspect of things from a different perspective to you, I think it's fantastic that you are strong enough and intelligent enough not to give rise to peer pressure in this matter. You have your own beliefs, and you're sticking to them because they are right for you and make sense to you. Don't let anyone take this away from you. I don't mean that you should stick to your convictions no matter what - I mean, if you decide down the road that you no longer want to stay chaste till marriage then that's your choice, but always make sure that it does stay your choice. Before posting a question online here, I would have said the chances of finding a virgin male above the age of 20 was slim to none, but you'll find there are quite a few men out there who share your beliefs for a myriad of reasons. I'm not saying you are going to find many men who are virginal come the time for marriage (peer pressure if nothing else will see to it that most of them will have lost that status by then), but I do think it's unfair that you should feel judged as a result of your feelings on the matter. While it's perfectly reasonable to marry someone who has held onto their virginity as a mark of honour and respect for their partner in marriage, it is also worth taking into consideration that there is a very real possibility this will not happen. In that respect, I say you should consider the possibility that your future partners will probably not all be virgins, i.e. don't expect them to have made the decision you have, but saying that, do hold out for what you believe in and what you feel you need for a relationship to work out well. Just make sure that you are prioritising properly, and not missing out on a fantastic relationship because the other gave up waiting for Ms. Right where you kept believing that Mr. Right was out there somewhere. Good luck girl xxxxx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): I'm not religious but I say stick to your beliefs because not having a sexual past will make you so much more attractive to the one you want.
Don't do what most girls do and throw away the value of sex for instant gratification by resorting to casual sex.
There are alot of guys who are virgins in their 20's and I'm one of them. Alot of us just can't get a date it's just that simple. You won't find us at clubs or bars so if you see someone you like the look of during your day ask them out. Also nothing kills my interest in a girl faster than knowing that she engages in casual sex.
Here's some food for thought.
Diamonds are beautiful.
Coal is ugly.
Diamonds are rare.
Coal is abundant.
Diamonds is special.
Coal is not.
Why take the instant coal when you can wait for a diamond?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): You are definitely not alone in being a virgin. And not alone in wanting to stay that way until marriage.
But truthfully, not many of the girls who feel the way you do can withstand a year or two of an adult relationship in the college years. By 20-22 the number of female virgins has fallen way off.
I think the male virgins (by choice) actually seem to be able to stick it out better than the female ones do. Not as many guys ever start out wanting to stay virgins to marriage as girls do, but a higher percentage of those guys actually seem to follow through with it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): Hi, I just wanted to let you know that I am a soon to be 20 year old woman who is still a virgin and plan to be for a while. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, but we both feel that the consequences aren't worth it right now. We are in college and have a lot of stress that doesn't need added to with pregnancy worries. I think that you are wonderful for wanting to wait, but you will be pressured in college. Just resist and try to find a good man who respects you. They do exist as I have one. The advice I have is to still try to understand yourself sexually and not be afraid of any intimacy before marriage. I am not a virgin for religious reasons so I don't see a problem with pleasuring yourself or doing things that arent intercourse. If you want to be safe and have been with a guy long enough to want to be with them sexually then think about getting tested together and also using protection so that you will feel comfortable. I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone and there are plenty in college who aren't giving in to peer pressure.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): I agree with sexlessintheUK. If you mix with religious circles -- like organizations like the Campus Crusade fro Christ, etc. when you're in college, you're bound to find someone who is abstaining until marriage.However, lack of sex doesn't indicate total compatibility. I have a couple of questions for you to consider. It doesn't mean you should give up your belief in abstaining totally, but you might consider them if you're intending to find a boyfriend.Would it be so bad if your boyfriend had had sex with an ex whom he deeply loved, but they weren't compatible, so they broke up? Is sex with love (not just random hook-ups) before marriage wrong, too?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): Hi there! I thouhgt I'd give you my perspective on this because it might be interesting for you. I'm slightly older than you, a male, and I'm a virgin on non-religious grounds. To me, the idea of casual sex comes across as very hard because for one reason or another, I can only give that part of myself to a girl when I feel safe with her. I'm currently with a girl (I actually posted on here just last night) who in her past has been anything but virginal. She told me she's been with 50+ guys, and one of them was a member in a well-known band. Now bare in mind, I love this girl with my heart, but the fact that at one point she was in essence and for lack of a more objective term, a "slutty groupie" absolutely kills me. Right now, I would KILL for my girlfriend to be a virgin because the mental images I have are torturing me.In all honesty, I think you may be being too strict with yourself, and if you partner has to be a virgin too, then you're probably being too strict with them aswell. You can't exactly 'expect' somebody to have held back just for you, not in today's world. It's a shame, I think, but I think you can still expect your partner to treat you and the issue of sex with respect. My personal advice would be to try to relax your limits on this somewhat if you can, but ultimately, you already know in your heart if that's something you're able to or want to do. Always be true to yourself and don't give into your peers because 9 times out of 10, your peers (particularly if they don't RESPECT your opinion on such a matter) are being stupid. Don't be afraid to have your own opinion, because as my own case highlights, it'll be easier for guys to accept you're a virgin than a slut. As for the no sex before marriage thing, I think it's a little strict, but at the same time, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it if it's important to YOU.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 July 2010):
 If you believe strongly in something, you don't change your mind because the majority of people around you does not share your ideas.
If you are a true Catholic, you do not convert to Islam just because you go live in an Arab country. If you hate Communism, you do not become Communist because you happen to be in China.
Peer pressure can be powerful, but if you are really sure about your personal choices, you will resist it.
As for, will you ever find your soulmate ?...who knows, finding a soulmate is a tall order for anybody,non-virgins included :)
As for expecting your future husband to be virgin, that's not wrong, but ...perhaps a bit unrealistic. Let's say, surely not impossible, but somewhat difficult.
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