A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so i asked this question already and dont think i worded it very well. Context: - I have been with my partner 8 years. - We recently got married. - We live with his parents (Mum and Dad - Dad who constantly makes crude remarks and touches my boobs and partner says nothing) - I have been in education for 4 years, he was working on his business for 2 years, the other 2 years i was the only one working and suppoting us both whilst he refused to work. - my friends were all getting married and i felt like that is what i should be doing so i did. Problem:- he is my best friend, we have a great time together. We have not slept together in weeks, when we do there is no passion it feels as though we are friends who have sex and he just wants to get it over and done with.- he is very clingy. I know we are newly married but i still need my own space. I am made to feel like i cannot go out with friends because he doesnt have friends. And that if i left him he would completely give up with life and that is putting a lot of pressure on me and the relationship. About Him:there are things i have noticed more recently that i just cant understand how i ever overlooked them.- he has a very short temper - he will argue with me about nothing - he is rude to everyone - he can be racist and ableist and he says really mean things about people. - he talks over me when i am speaking, if i am telling a story and he thinks of something else he will just speak over me. - he messaged three other women sexually during our relationship. He sent flirty messages to his ex and a girl that works with him. But the worst one was that he was recieving nudes from another girl (18 year old) that his friend was adopting. He didnt tell me about any of these i had to find out from my sister in front of my whole family. - he has a very expensive car (he earns £1500 a month and £900 goes on car finance - thats not including fuel etc.) I want to start saving for a house and having a family but he says theres nothing worse he can think of right now. Question: Does this sound like something you think we could work through im worried i have outgrown him and thi relationship.Im 27 and want to start thinking about a family soon, I have to make sure this is right and not going to end in 6 months time and i have to start all over again. Please be kind. I am really struggling.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ConfusedCarrie84 +, writes (25 October 2021):
DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN IF YOU FEEL LIKE THIS. Be a grown up and talk to him about the issues you are having. Marriage is about working through difficult times together and finding a solution so you can move forward and be happy. If you have exhausted the conversations and there has been no resolution then consider leaving the marriage.
Even though you had issues with him before marriage, you still married him and that is were you went wrong. You're only 27, do not waste anymorw time ignoring what needs to be spoken about.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Seekerally  +, writes (24 October 2021):
Based on the information here, I would say leave before you bring kids into the picture and make things more complicated. He doesnt seem to be respectful of you and your feelings, seems like a irresponsible person both career, Finances and relationship wise. Dont waste more time & build a family with this person. Remember people dont really change their basic nature even if we believe they will.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 October 2021):
Don't start a family and buy a house when you're questioning your entire relationship. That wouldn't make any sense.
It sounds obvious that you never should have married him in the first place. You didn't say if he has any good qualities so you're not going to have anyone tell you to try and make things work.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2021): Seeing the red flags about his family and himself, I believe you should leave - He seems like someone with no ambition, no plans, no good source of income, is a spendthrift, no social life/friends, doesnt stand up for you when his parents pass crude comments or touches your boobs!!!, exchanging nudes!!- This smirks of an irresponsible person who is not going to make a good long term/life partner.
Leave before you bring kids into the picture and things become even more complicated. All things you have written here shows that he no respect for you during the time you have been together. Remember «trust a person when he/she shows you what he is the first time» He has already shown what to expect from him and people really dont change that much anyways. Please dont waste your life with a loser like him.
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