A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello,am in a dilemma. I met someone. It's like we are on the same page. Over at her house the other night, going great, a little kissing hugging, watching a movie, and pizza... Then she started crying. She had to tell me something. I thought maybe she had a boyfriend. That wasn't it. She told me she has herpes down below, thirteen years, and she isn't taking anything for it. I don't know what to do. I do like her, but if we start being together, am I going to get it, because I like doing everything when it comes to sex? We just only met two times. I do see her at the store she works at. I am scared to catch it if it doesn't work out.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2017): Youve got an honest girlfriend but she cant actually have a continual attack for 13 yrs.
Often these things remain dormant in the body doing no harm.
Only when she is run down will a herpes attack happen.
And medicine is obtainable at those times.
However wearing a condom should prevent anxiety and infection.
I think people have all kinds of hidden medical conditions and this is an example of one.
If you are not a guy who can handle this fact then let her find a better soul mate.
There may be ways you are a turnoff to her that you dont realise so dont feel guilty about moving on if thats what you want to do, but dont toy with her emotions by having a one night stand and dumping her because that is immature.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2017): I got herpes when my husband cheated on me when I was pregnant . Guess many of us have our ' past catch up with us ?herpes is nothing more than a condition that ANYBODY can have . Unlike many people , it doesn't discriminate . Who knows maybe you have it , unknowingly ! Have you ever had a cold sore ? If so you have herpes ! No to encouraging the stigma.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 February 2017):
 Google genital herpes and read up about it. Educate yourself. That is my best advice. Because you don't know enough about it right now, that is why you are afraid. If you know more, you can made an educated decision based on rational thought and not fear and ignorance.
I know relationships and sex can work fine with herpes. I don't know all there is to it, haven't been in that exact situation before. But I heard it's only contagious when there is an outbreak. And that the herpes itself is fairly unproblematic in general, even if you were to catch it. Not to make it sound unimportant to take care of your health, but there are worse things out there to worry about. People die from contagious viruses all the time, just by riding the buss with someone who coughed on you. Just to put this in perspective. Herpes will not kill you. It will not paralyze you. It is by far safer to have sex with this woman, than it is to drive your car to work. Just to put things in perspective.
I had a long term relationship once with a man with Hepatitis B. It worked just fine. We had to use condoms all the time, that's all. And we had to be careful of any blood spilling. But Hep B is more dangerous than Herpes, Hep B can actually kill you at the very worst.
Anyway, read up about it, that is my best advice. Learn more. Then evaluate the risks. And perhaps have more than two dates with her before you have sex. Figure out who she is as a person and whether she's someone you can see yourself having a future with or not. If all you want is no strings sex, then she's probably not for you. If you want a committed relationship, I think you can make it work.
The great thing is that she was open and honest about this. A lot of people aren't. I think it shows her good personality and her being responsible and obviously caring of you already. I mean, she could have easily lied and you would have been none the wiser. I would advice to get to know her better in addition to learning more about herpes. That is the only way you can make a good decision about this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2017): It's incredibly common and most carriers have no idea they have it . Should we put bells around their necks . Ostracise them. All because people don't want to learn the facts How would you like it if a woman you like dumped you because you had a cold sore twenty years ago and could potentially give her herpes on her vagina ? There are two types . Type 1 . That usually affects the oral area and Type 2 that usually affects the genitals BUT either type can affect the other and can be transmitted when no active sore is present. It's very rare for this to happen ! The only difference is that people treat those who have ever had herpes in the genital area like lepers ( much like your comment ) and treat cold sores sufferers like no big deal !It's pure ignorance , discrimination and childishness. I'm sure many peopleHave lost potentially wonderful relationships through listening to poor advice. My husband I know is very glad he did not listen to such advise as we have a happy marriage of over twenty years and wonderful family.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (6 February 2017):
 If this was me, I would drop this. You met only twice and not much of a bond has been established except for attraction. Maybe sad that she will get dumped, but life is that way as things we do in the past catch up to us. So I would cut my losses right now and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2017): Convince her to get herself treated. Tell her that there's nothing to be shy or ashamed about - the doctor is there to help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2017): You will get lots of misinformation on herpes and generally the public is ill informed. I have had it for over 20 yrs and rarely get any symptoms but of course it's something a partner must always be informed of as it could technically be transmitted even without symptoms.There are two types type 1 and herpes type 2 . Type 1 usually affects the mouth and type 2 USUALLY affects the genitals. HOWEVER each can transmit to the other area and this is where a lot of ignorance comes in. Type 1 can infect the genitals and type 2 can infect the oral area. The thing is that oral herpes (cold sores) can also be transmitted to the genital area through oral sex event technically if a cold sore were not present and over 80 percent of the public carry that virus. Yet we don't see that same type of panic over that! When is that last time a woman who ever had a cold sore in her life warned you she could give you herpies on your penis through oral sex? Yet this poor woman actually broke down and cried such is the stigma from genital herpes.The chance of transmission without an outbreak in a person who has had herpes for a long time is actually very low. There are stats available that show the risk to be small. The risk of having unprotected sex with someone who doesn't know their statuses I believe is much higher. If you really like her why not visit the sexual health clinic together and get the actual fact and put your mind at ease?
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