A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just feel like i'm loosing hope in ever having a boyfriend. This year more than any of the others, I have met aaaaalot of guys! But i never really gave them a chance, i guess because i was nervous at the thought of letting someone get close to me. I don't have issues, it's just because i've never had a boyfriend and when the time finally came round to the potential of one, it freaked me out a little bit.But these past few months i decided right. I need to just try and give some the guys I meet a chance, get to know them and see if it leads to anywhere, whats the harm in that. How naive was I. All the guys I gave a chance who seemed like such decent guys and i could see it leading somewhere. All of them had a girlfriend or were already seeing someone!! I either found out from their friends or mine, the others i asked them and they didn't think it was that much of a problem? But it is!! I'm 'the other girl' that four guys cheated on their girlfriends with, which makes me feel used and bad for their girl. And the others were texting and getting to know me. So potentially cheating on the person their with and them having no idea.They've all screwed up my trust for people. Though I've never really trusted anyone fully, just to a certain limit. But now, i just cannot trust any guy... at all!!So I just have a few questions....Are all guys like this? Is it a bad thing to do or just harmless? Because they did seem like really nice decent guys, some were even guy friends who i wouldn't expect to do that!What does seeing someone mean, can you still text another girl?Should i just give up on giving any guys i meet a chance, because i just always see myself as being 'the other woman'. And guys just don't seem to understand the problem in that.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): I don't know about America but that kind of behaviour is unacceptable here in Ireland. I know plenty of guys that do it but most don't. It sounds to me like you just don't find out if they do or not before you start dating them. You can't just assume a guy is single just because he's fooling around with you, you have to ask and if they lie to you about it then they're assholes.
"What does seeing someone mean, can you still text another girl?"
Would you be happy seeing a guy knowing he was texting another girl like that? Because that's all that matters, whether you want that or whether you would be happy with that. I know I wouldn't. If a person is seeing me and texting another guy, then they're not that into me, so I'd just walk away.
Look, if this is the kind of thing your male friends think is okay to do, have so little respect for women and treat them this way then you have to find a new group of friends. Or you have to find new ways of meeting guys. There are plenty of single guys around, so just make that your starting point. Go for single guys, guys that you know are single from the start.
Of course those guys understand the problem, but if they admit that then they might have to change and can't actually go around messing with other girls. If they really don't understand it then you need to find yourself a different group of male friends. We're not all like that but certain groups of guys are, especially the jocks and gangsta wannabes.
Don't let yourself be the other woman if you know these guys are like that then don't these guys, find other single guys to date, that you know are single and make sure you find out first, don't just assume. It's not hard to find out OP, you have plenty of friends that will find out for you before you go any further with these guys.
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