A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am a female, 24. My husband and I have been married for 2.5 years now. We were one of those couples who fell in love and got married soon without a big ceremony. We loved each other to bits. I still do. Last night he was at a friend's place and I cried because I missed him. The thing is, I have noticed that since recently he keeps noticing all my mistakes and getting annoyed with me for it. Like today he got annoyed with me because we were travelling by bus (about 1.5 hour journey) and I kept falling asleep because I was tired. I can't help it. It normally happens to me. My head kept almost falling onto the shoulder of a boy sitting next to me. And it made my husband a bit mad. Anyway then we walked home from the bus stop and he got annoyed with me for walking behind him. I do it because the road is too narrow for 2 people to walk side by side and vehicles keep running on it. When we came home, he started telling me that I have started acting like an old woman and that the last time we went on a similar journey, I fell asleep again the same way. He told me if I can't travel without falling asleep, to stay at home and that it's so stressful for him. It hurt my feelings really badly. Then the conversation went into other things. And he said I looked like i'm bored of my life and that I don't fix my eyebrows or shave my legs or cut my nails. (I haven't been able to fix my eyebrows because we are in a situation where we don't have money to spend on stuff and my tweezer is spoiled so I have to buy a new one) I need to save up for that. But I agree with the nails and shaving thing .I postponed doing that for a few days. I'm just worried that my husband is getting fed up of me. When we are in public we don't look like a couple. We never hold hands or anything and we seem uncomfortable with each other. In our society, holding hands and hugging in public and all that is frowned upon. But I feel like my husband sometimes treats me like a stranger in front of others. Today he got annoyed with how sick or tired I looked in the bus and my sleeping and how I walked. Few days back he got annoyed with the fact that if we go to buy something from out, I don't tell him what i want because I'm happy to buy whatever he likes to buy. He used to hug and cuddle me and treat me so lovingly before but I feel it dying down now. Sometimes he doesn't even say he loves me for days and days until I say it. He is a great husband and he loves me a lot but I feel like he is getting fed up of me now. Like he wants perfection from me. What can I do? I feel very down and depressed and have no one to talk to at all... We have to go on a long trip tomorrow and I will probably fall asleep again on the way. He told me not to go if I'm going to fall asleep. It hurt my feelings so badly... I love my husband... but I don't understand whats happening to us. :( What do you think is going on? Is he getting fed up of me?What can I do? :( :( :(
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female
reader, TamedVixen  +, writes (11 October 2016):
 I don't know about your culture but where I live couples want an equal partner. Spouse's are often referred to as your other half and in the United States the government sees you as 2 halves of the same whole. So,
#1 - Crying when he hangs out with his friends because you miss him is unhealthy & needy. Needy makes men uncomfortable. So he may view you as clingy/needy. You won't even make a dinner suggestion because you are so eager to please him. So when you were walking behind him I think he viewed it as scurrying in his wake since your every thought is about him and your every action is done to please him. I really think he is uncomfortable. He wants your love, not your infatuation. He also wants a wife, not an underling/minion.
#2 - Men are visual creatures MUCH more than the average woman. Also, their brain is hard wired and chemically designed to need/want sex to express love and more importantly to feel loved and valued. But they need the visual stimulation to have sex. He will need to find you attractive the entire marriage for it to succeed.
#3 - Don't give the anger on the bus another thought. It wasn't your fatigue that irritated him at all. It was your head almost laying on the stranger's shoulder that sent him into orbit. Men are naturally possessive. They can't help it. So he looks at you as belonging to him (not in a sexist, jerk way) and he isn't willing to allow ANY man to touch what is rightfully his.
So you're young and making a few mistakes. It's not the end of the world. Just make some adjustments. Your heart is in the right place but your idea's for pleasing him are backwards. Being a doormat while neglecting your appearance is not only NOT making him happy, it's making him darn uncomfortable and downright angry. If you want to make him happy it is super simple.
Take care of yourself physically and pluck, shave, wax regularly. There is no reason to let yourself go.
Let go of the figurative stranglehold around his neck. He can't breathe. When he goes out with a friend find something to do. Choose dinner alternately. Him, you, him, you, etc.
Stand on your own two feet. Make some decisions on your own. Stop always deferring to his judgement. He wants to be able to ask you for your opinion. Husbands want their wives insight when they ask. No one wants to be the decision maker 100% of the time. Good Luck!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 October 2016):
 I think you should go to a doctor about you having no energy and feeling depressed.
Communication is important in a marriage, I am sure he still loves you I guess he is stressed and wondering why you always need to sleep and walk slowly. It sounds like you have no energy left in life and he is probably getting annoyed about that. You need to talk to him and tell him how you feel. Tell him you love him and tell him you want the marriage to work. Go to the doctor for help. Plan a date night once a week where you both do something romantic together.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (2 October 2016):
 It sounds like you are both tired and both stressed about money, which leads him to picking little "faults" he finds with you and you feeling you are in the wrong all the time.Is it possible for one or both of you to get part time jobs to ease the financial situation a little? Perhaps then there would be a little cash available to have a date night once a week. It doesn't have to be anything expensive - a cinema visit, a take-away at home, a meal in a cheap restaurant, a trip out somewhere not too far where you could have a walk together. This would help you both reconnect and remember what it was that first attracted you to each other. For what it's worth, I tend to fall asleep while travelling too as I suffer from motion sickness so find this is the best way to travel. However, I am lucky that my partner has no problem with this and leaves me to sleep. Your husband, however, seems to find this embarrassing. Is it the fact you are asleep or the fact that you were about to fall onto someone else's shoulder that annoyed him?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2016): Hi! Thank u for both replies. We are both not working yet. We are trying to finish our studies and get some qualifications first. I have asked my husband about our relationship before and he told me that I am the one who has changed. He doesnt seem to notice any changes on his part at all. We havent seen a doctor yet. I didnt think it would ever get to that point. :( now this morning he is not talking to me and im not talking to him cos I dont know what to say. Somehow everything seems my fault... I dont sleep constantly I just fall asleep when travelling and when im tired. I was sitting next to my husband. He doesnt give me any opinions on anything sometimes when I ask him. But its always my fault in the end...
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (1 October 2016):
Some of this sounds just like the normal progression of a relationship. In the beginning everything is lovey dovey, all full of "I love you" and other signs of affection. As the relationship goes on though, we start to take each other for granted and traits which we liked or found cute in our partner suddenly become irritating or stressful when we have to live with them every day.I wonder what you husband would say if he were asked how he views your relationship? Do you think it is possible he would say "my wife has stopped caring for me. She no longer takes care of her appearance, never has an opinion on anything and just seems bored of life and is constantly tired"? Also, financial worries are one of the major causes of stress and unhappiness in a relationship, so it could be that he is just taking out the stress he feels financially on you. It could also be that he now sees you as "high maintenance" as you seem to need constant reassurances of his love for you. Have you seen your doctor about your depression? What is your job situation? Are both of you working? Or not? You need to mention to your doctor about the constant falling asleep. If you are not sleeping properly (one of the signs of depression), this will account for you falling asleep during the day.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (1 October 2016):
 Are you not getting enough sleep?
Are you not able to sit with your husband and rest your head on his shoulder?
Are tweezers very expensive?
He sounds like he's being too picky, but I'm not sure what he could do to be affectionate in public, if it's frowned upon in your culture.
Are you able to see a doctor about your tiredness and depression?
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