A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Help. I'm 15, and recently been talking to this guy. He's really sweet, but he's 20. I'm worried he might be a peado, but he has already said he does not want to see me until I'm 16, and he'll wait to be with me until I'm ready.He explained he does not want any sexual contact, and he generally does seem like a sweet guy. We have explained, that we are only talking as friends, and see what happens in the future.Any advice? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): Pedo is not the proper term in this case. Maybe he is slightly awkward, but the age difference is not pedophillic at all. read up on Pedophilia.
The problem you are facing is he's older, and you don't know him. You have never met him, at least that is the vibe I am getting?
My advice is to take it slowly. When you meet him the first time when you are 16 bring a friend. You are under 18, so you should not meet people online that you have never met before, unless your parents are on board with all the details. I realize having your parents involved may make you uncomfortable, but it's important in this situation.
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (6 March 2009):
 Sometimes the path is narrow upon which we stand and the road too long. He has held your mind captive for perhaps what seems only a short space but rest assured that if he is up to NO GOOD then it will make your journey more weary with each breaking day.
In all good consience I suggest that you back away from his advances until you know for sure. That unfortunantely may never happen. For now let him go and if it's meant to be, the future will reveal itself in time. Walk the straight and narrow, don't let him sway your thinking in anyway. If he has any idea that your parents are against this it's possible that he is really trying to butter you up as they say.He will Cater to you or Passify your fears by saying anything that he might think you want to hear so he can eventually talk you into something. (This may or may not be the csse.
In any event hon you are so afraid of this relationship developing that it shows you clearly feel uneasy and probably not emotionally or perhaps matured enough to know how to handle things if they should get out of hand. I believe it is probably best that you stop conversing with him and seek someone who doesn't make you feel so odd and worried over his words and actions.
Talk to GOD because HE DOES HAVE ANSWERS and Please remember to keep your Mom and Dad informed when something is so disturbing to you. They are there to protect you, which is probably they are so concerned when you are talking to guys. There were young once too! *-)
Blessings,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThey dont approve me talking to any boys.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 March 2009):
 I think that is probably for the best, if you stop talking to him. Have you told your parents about him yet?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm thinking about to completely stop talking to him.
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (6 March 2009):
My apologies for the bad link below. That should have been as follows.
CyberAngels@ http://www.CyberAngels.org
Blue_Angel
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (6 March 2009):
Yes indeed! If you are already noticing discrepencies in his stories about himself or others, take note! I have been doing chat on the internet for years and I am here to tell you that this is a RED FLAG FLYING HIGH!!!
Set your sights on getting rid of him if this continues. A man like this who can't be trusted from the get go isn't worth the stress and troubles and could be dangerous. He may be baiting you to see just how far you will go with his charade. Your last statements cause more concern for your safety and well being. PLEASE BE EXTREMELY CAUTIOUS!
From now on write down things that he tells you so you can rely on the facts you have written down and not just memory alone. You will have something to report to the authorities if it comes to that. It's a form of reinforcement to help you to know and understand more about a person. It helps you to be sure that what you are being told has either be the truth or constant changes. The games people can and will play on here are sometimes for what they consider fun and many are seriously dangerous.
Be safe and don't give out any information that will lead him to your door! Your phone number can be traced to your house with certain search techniques. Maps can show someone exactally where you live. There are many ways to prevent being taken in by someone who is a possible problem, abusive or of pedaphile nature. At any rate your concern is YOUR GUT INSTINCT and it's quite possible that it's 100% correct.Although this may not be the case. Be aware and be sure of things before you let anything go further.
If you need more options and help you can contact the
CyberAngels @ http://www/CyberAngels.org
My best to you always:
MAY GOD SEND HIS ANGELS TO WATCH OVER YOU AND MAY HE KEEP YOU SAFE IN THE PALMS OF HIS HANDS.
Blessings,
Blue_Angel
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh thankz
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 March 2009):
If your intuition is telling you something is off, there's something wrong about the situation. Trust your fear to let you know when to run!
This organization is based in the US, so it's not much help to you, but maybe reading through it will give you some 'aha!' moments. Aha, he does this! Aha, he says that! Aha, maybe he's an online predator!
http://www.perverted-justice.com/guide/?article=6 (you'll have to copy/paste the whole address)
So what's your risk for letting someone know about him? Your parents, for example. If he's a predator, looking for young girls to groom, then he'll be upset by this. If he's the real deal, an actual nice guy, then he won't mind one bit.
So tell your parents about him. Today. Please. And you can do it by showing them the website I just gave you. That will start the conversation. They might be upset with you at first, but they would want you to be safe. So go, tell your parents. Please.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): in a couple of days go how was your sister's birthday?
Or how's sally, and invent a different name and see if he goes along with it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): in a couple of days go how was your sister's birthday?
Or how's sally, and invent a different name and see if he goes along with it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the advice.
But im worried, i know nothing about him, and worried he might be lieng.
Yesterday night i was asking about his family. He told me his sister is 33, but i remember him telling me about the same sister another time, and he told me she was 28.
I believe this shows that he might be making things up, as he goes along.
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (5 March 2009):
I am thinking you were referring to my post.*LOL* Tis ok...but I wasn't Screaming. I was making point. She is the one who fears his isn't straight about himself. She referred to him as a possible pedophile. The last but not least section was in Large type so it would be noticed in a last ditch effort to help this young lady to realize that perhaps she isn't ready for a realtionship with this guy in such a degree. That in finding someone else it would probably be her best bet if she were planning on dating at her age. Something about the guy makes her a bit uneasy obviously.
I wasn't trying to offend anyone. I certainly wasn't Screaming. I didn't want it to be thought I approved completely with their developing a serious relationship unless she is comfortable with it. Also that her parents would be ok with it, providing that rules and such were met. Chapperroning the young adults by an older adult would help to ease any tension on that part.
It was meant to also show that Believe it or not, if he cares about this young lady now it is possible that in 3 years he still might. No one can really say but it has happened. I married when I was 21 1/2 years old to my second husband who had just turned 18! We were around alot of folks during our courtship and sometimes alone. I know how you can be looked at as improper or bad. However all actually went ok as his Mom and Dad loved me to peices and learned that I was honorable, kind and sincere. They learned that I really loved their son.
I am not totally against her dating the young man or forming a relationship but suggest that she be careful and make sure that his intentions are honorable. That she will be cared for and given consideration and concern along with any affections. I want her to enjoy her life but not without caution. Sometimes we aren't so lucky. Only a few months before I met my husband I dated a guy who seemed SO Nice and appeared to really care about me. One night we went out and he drove to an out of the way place and came onto me. I was scared to death. Despite my refusals, it didn't go well. He raped me.
I hope now my view is understood. I want this young lady to be SAFE AT ALL COSTS!
My apologies for the misunderstanding and if anyone was offended by my reply.
Thanks for reading,
Blessings,
Blue_Angel
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 March 2009):
Ask him to introduce himself to your parents and get their take on him. My mom drove me nuts sometimes, but she could generally spot a loser when I was dating one....
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): Ahhh!!! I hear screaming from below!!!
[sigh]
No, not you TalkingHelps. I'm talking 'way' below. ^_~
A 20 year old interested in a 15 year old is hardly called a "pedo". A 20 year old interested in a 10 year old on the other hand springs up a huge red flag, coupled with wailing alarms and bombs going off. Alas, this is not the case.
Experiences may be different between a 20 and a 15, but as far as maturity goes, that's very specific to the individual and not calculated as an overall measurement.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): If you are worried stop speaking to him!HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT HE IS TWENTY?!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): Doesn't sound like a peado to me, I know quite a few 15 yr olds who date guys 4-5 years older than them, plus you say he doesn't want to even see u until you're 16, sounds genuine to me
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (4 March 2009):
IF YOU DO CONSIDER THIS........
I would suggest being chaperoned until you are a couple of years older at least. Providing he is sincere and acts with respect, according to his word then it (might be considered ok. I would be very cuatious not to be drawn in by any prentetious actions. Watch for any and all signs that he is or isn't the gentleman he is making himself out to be.
At your age he IS too old for you to see WITHOUT someone older to chapperone you. Althought the age gap seems of less importance to some, it's always wise to wait until you are older and more matured. Developing a long term friendship/relationship gives you the necessary time to get to know this guy better without putting yourself in danger of being taken advantage of in any way.
His age and maturity level is bound to give him ideas that may not be exactally like yours when it comes to the relationship status You desire. Be cautious, be aware, be chapperoned and BE SAFE! This way you can retain your dignity, sense of well being, and your innocence. Most of the time when someone who is so young becomes involved in a serious relationship with a guy who is much older they usually wind up in a big mess. You want to keep every advantage at keeping yourself from being talked into or forced into actions that are degrading or dangerous to you. EX: *RAPE...*PREGNANCY..*LOSS OF SELF RESPECT..POSSIBILITIES OF STD'S AND OTHER CONDITIONS.
If this young man can't adhear to your views and rules about this relationship then you are best to leave him be and find someone who WILL RESPECT YOUR FEELINGS AND YOUR DIGNITY AND GIVE YOU THE CARE, APPRECIATION AND CONSIDERATION THAT A DECENT GIRL DESEARVES.
LAST BUT NOT LEAST! I THINK IN THE LONG RUN YOU WILL BE BETTER OFF TO FIND SOMEONE YOUR OWN AGE (TO DATE)UNTIL YOU ARE OLDER, PREFERABLY 18. IF THIS GUY LIKES YOU NOW.......IT'S QUITE POSSIBLE THAT HE MIGHT STILL BE SINGLE AND INTERESTED 3 YEARS FROM NOW! BELIEVE OR NOT....WAITING IS THE BEST THING...ALTHOUGH YOU CAN ALWAYS BE A FREIND TO ANYONE, BE CAREFUL IN YOUR CHOICES AND MAY GOD HELP YOU TO KNOW WHAT TO CHOOSE....
My best to you always,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): hello.without question i understand your concerns.but what a shame if this is a genuine guy,so be careful to brand a peado.Speak and see what happens but take all precautions.Confide in a good family friend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut he says he really likes me, because he can tell im decent, unlike other girls he knows.
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male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (4 March 2009):
 Just be careful, he may be genuine, but still if he's 20, I'm sure he'll be after different things than you are.
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