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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: next year my boyfriend and i are taking a gap year together in europe. we are going to live together and i'm very excited because i've always wanted to live with him. the thing is i'm a very independent person who really enjoys being alone, he doesn't know this, no one really does but i am happiest when on my own, but not for too long of course !i just don't know how to explain this to him without hurting his feelings because he loves spending as much time as possible with me or with people around him. he is a very understanding person i just don't know how to phrase it. i would sometimes like to have some time alone, also i am thinking about travelling by myself somewhere, i'm quite keen on greece, but feel bad telling him this/organizing this seeing as this gap year is being all planned out by him and i dont want to hurt his feelings. i am very ambitious and know what i want to do with my life. my boyfriend, however, is clueless, he is smart and very creative but just can't think of what he wants to do for the rest of his life. he has dropped out of college twice now and is getting far too old to still be on permanent vacation and be a waiter. he however seems unworried by this and plans on taking another gap year next year AND the year after that and possibly another one or two after that!! to me this is just not on and i really feel he should be studying, like me, but i could never say that to him as it would hurt his feelings.the other day i ran into an old friend whose boyfriend does the same course my boyfriend dropped out of, all of a sudden i was so over-come with embarrassment as she said smugly "oh yes, i heard [my boyfriend] was struggling a bit" . i am even ashamed to say it but i wish i could be proud of my boyfriend. i worry he is going to party, smoke pot and waiter for the rest of his life and eventually hold me back. he has so much potential, i know he does, but how do i make him realize it without seeming too pushy?
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female
reader, auddi  +, writes (3 September 2008):
Hi,
I know what you trying to say when you say u are the happiest when you are all by urself. I remember someone having said that to me quite recently.
It is necessary for everyone to spend some time by themselves mainly to reflect over your own life, things you are doing in your life, the direction/course your love-life/academics/profession is taking etc. This is the time you probably talk to your inner self and find answers to some questions. Also, you learn to love and respect yourself and this elevates your self-confidence. U are one of those people and i think u are right in doing so.
Your bf..i guess you need to talk to him. U need to make him understand that you are the sort of person who likes doing the things i mentioned above. It is just a way to communicate with inner-self and it is necessary for you in order to take the right decisions in life. I am sure he will understand and hopefully take a lesson from there for himself too.
Normally i get influenced by the people around me - but mayb he doesn't. He ought to be inspired by you. Get him into a conversation and make him answer some questions about his plans. Reason out and try to make him realise that his plans/ the way he is thinking about the course of his professional life will not work out fine in the end.
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