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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I've posted here before and got some great advice, thank you again...I really need some perspective on how I'm handling a very delicate and sad situation.My husband and I moved into a building almost 8 years ago. We are foreigners, so we don't act the way most people act here, distant, cold, barely saying hi. We engaged into conversations with our neighbors, invited them over, offered help when need be. We made friends with a few neighbors including Paddy (now 64) and his mother Rea (in her eighties). Most people think that he is strange just because he is not married, he lacks some social skills etc. But he is a wonderful human being. He has a kind heart, he just doesn't know how to share it with the (for him often cruel) world. I'm no expert but I think that he might have Apserger's. He's blunt to the point of being rude. He gets obsessed with details and stops listening to people in mid-conversation. He has a mind of an engineer and can repair anything! His mother is nothing like him in that regard. She's always in a good mood, likes to spend time with people...He's been fighting cancer for years now and has managed to pull through, but this is the end. We've been there for them the way they needed us to be, buying groceries, taking care of his mom when he went to hospital...He's very brave, but at the same time, which is totally normal is absolutely powerless before the idea that he will be leaving his mother. She's devastated by watching her baby die and is terrified of what she'll do once he's gone.They have very limited means, they do not own the apartment they live in. They have both already paid and organized everything regarding their funerals. But the fact remains that he can die any day now and that his mom may well outlive him for another 10 years.He wants to leave his car to us. I have no idea what it is worth and I do not want to offend him, but my husband and I thought about suggesting that we help him sell the car so that his mother could have some more money. It's a European old-timer, I think she would get a decent sum for it.I know how much she loves their apartment, but I don't know if she'll be able to keep it and I do not know if she'll be able to live on her own. I mean we can help her with groceries, even cooking and cleaning, but her health is failing and there's a good chance she will be better cared for in a home. We have no intention of talking about this with her or him, before she herself raises the question. I know that the local authorities may be of assistance in finding a solution.I would just like to add that in our culture caring for your neighbors and elderly is normal. Maybe it has changed nowadays, but we were raised that way, it's nothing special.It's so sad. They are wonderful people. I just do not know what to say, so I listen. With pandemic, I cannot even give them a hug, or spend more time with them, since they are fragile and we could potentially give them the virus.I just do not know what to do...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2020): Thank you CodeWarrior!!!
I was too focused on financial issues.
He does need to be in control of what he thinks he still can.
Thank you for your support!
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