A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Does he like me?Ok so I have recently been seeing a guy who I met online. We met in August and on our first date got on really well together, then we sort of kept missing each other as we both live very busy lives, the second date happened a month after the first and we still got on really well, he was saying he was online dating to meet women and to make new friends, so I got it in my head that he wasn't interested. We went on our third date a week ago and I nearly cancelled because I didn't know how interested I was and I thought he wasn't, but I went along to the date anyway, we went to a comedy night, drink after and again got on really well. Both a bit tipsy, We started to look for another place to have a drink and were wondering the streets, he then grabbed me towards him and started kissing me, I was shocked and told him "I thought you weren't interested" he then went on to ask why and of told me "of course I'm interested" anyway we kissed a bit more, and then couldn't find anywhere to have a drink, so I suggested we go back to mine and have a drink there. We got to mine had another drink and talked until 4am then we finally went to bed and shared the bed. I woke up at 1pm the next day and went to make a cup of tea, he walked into the kitchen and was really embarrassed that he's slept in so long and how drink he'd been last night. Anyway he had a cup of tea and left, we kissed on the cheeks. I thought, damn, all the stuff he said was all alcohol intoxicated. I walked into my room and he'd made the bed - so sweet.I got a text from him the next day thanking me for letting him stay and apologising for staying in bed late, I replied telling him not to worry and it was a fun night. He replied suggesting saying "had a really fun night, lets do it again - I really enjoy spending time with you as i said on the night" i was pleased, he'd remembered wooo! I text him back saying I would love to.Didn't hear from him for three days, so I text him suggesting we meet in a few Saturday's time. He replied saying "I think I'm free on sat 15th?"It's good that we're meeting up again but I can't help worrying about things.... I let myself go and start falling for people really quickly and then end up getting hurt when the feelings aren't returned, but I guess that's the risk you have to take?I'm really worried I'm going to scare him away...I'm worried he doesn't like me....I'm worried he's dating other girls and will find someone better and want to be with them...I would have thought it he liked me as much as he made out he did he would have been keen to see me more and text me more....I don't want to get hurt and I can see that happening because I'm really starting to like him, I'm putting him on a pedestal... He's great, we only kissed, he didn't try anything on and he said he was going to kiss me on the second date, he also said when he kissed me, he's never the one to make the first move?Ahhhh?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2014): People can't enjoy the moment for worrying about the future.
You're worried about getting hurt? You can always get hurt. How can you get so hurt by someone you haven't known for very long; and haven't really given things enough time to form any true feelings? Don't take my firm approach in the wrong way. My words are meant to empower you as a woman.
You're getting ahead of yourself, and complicating things even more by over-thinking the situation. Trying to read his mind. He likes you for certain. He's not in-love with you, and he hasn't really had enough time with you to form solid feelings. Guys are slower at coming to the point they can decide they really like someone.
He's polite, respectful, patient, and considerate. That doesn't mean you should instantly fall in-love. Attaching feelings too soon is what gets you hurt, because you've put the cart before the horse. You've got to give it more time to evaluate his personality, and determine if you like him; or just relieved to have a guy around. It gets very frustrating looking for someone who's nice and cares about us. Adding too much anxiety to the situation makes you appear nervous, and you come across as desperate. That's what scares people. I understand how you feel. I'm not being mean. I feel the same way when I first meet a nice guy. I'm gay.
I just have a lot more experience than you do. I also know guys pretty well; because I AM a guy.
Relax and use some self-discipline. Don't allow your feelings to override your common-sense. You're an adult, and this is an adult-situation. You're not going to get hurt; because there's nothing to get hurt about. You're only dating, and there is no commitment yet.
You're still at the introductory stage. You don't know his quirks, you don't know what he's like when he's angry, you've never met his parents, and you need more time to establish if you really do like him. Not just over-joyed not to be searching for the moment. If he's moving too slow for your taste, you can cut loose at any-time you like. Your time is precious.
If you're worried about "getting hurt" it's time to toughen up and prepare for adult-life. You have to be strong enough to spring-back when you do get hurt. Dating is a series or short-term compatibility-trials. Just a test-drive to see if you like the ride, and if they have all the right features and equipment. Just like purchasing a new car.
You need to know if your personalities match, and if there is any possibility chemistry will ignite. You need to go through a few experiences together in order to watch each other in action. Observe each other under various situations, over a period of time. Which should be taken slowly and deliberately. Determine his values and character as a man are what you're looking. You'll get that opportunity. You're letting impatience rattle you. You've got to be cool as a cucumber. Never let guy think you're not a hot commodity. You snooze you lose!
All evidence says he likes you, and he seems to be a pretty decent guy. You won't scare him away, unless you show signs of being too eager, or insecure.
Settle-down. I think your post reflects the typical concerns of a sweet lady, who just wants to find a nice guy. She's tired of games and jerks, and she's just a little anxious. That's because guys can be so damned confusing, and we don't clearly send out enough signals to figure us out. He's still under evaluation, and there should be a lot of boxes you need to check-off before you know he's worth a girl like you.
He shouldn't rush into anything at this point; because it's too soon. Be patient. If he was too eager, be warned!
Allow nature to take its course. I really don't know why so many OP's panic because someone they hardly know doesn't text or contact them for a few days. You're not in a relationship; and they are still single to see whomever they want, and make comparisons. You may have to clear your schedule to make time for each other, end pending or uncertain connections with other people; and get the work schedule cleared to allow more leisure time to date. That could sometimes take a few days. Checking in with you isn't necessary; because he knows you have a life, and could just flake-out and decide you don't want to see him anymore.
Once a commitment is formed, regular contact is proper and courteous. Even if he texted and called you every single-day, hour after hour, that's indicative of nothing.
Maybe that he has a lot of free time on his hands. It doesn't necessarily mean he likes you. Perhaps he just likes using his smartphone. I wish some people would figure that out! Give it a few days, shrug it off, and go about your life. If they get back to you; examine the feasibility and logic of the explanation presented for their period of silence. If you don't know them that well, you don't know what's going on in their lives.
Expect a sincere apology; then proceed without further concern.
You might be the one who ends up not really liking him!
I somehow think it's going to be good. I hope it is for your sake.
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