A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex left me when we were at our prime time in the relationship (marriage). We were buying a house, we both got new jobs, we'd just bought a new car and he threw all that away to go with someone he met at the new job.I've been with my current partner for three years. Funny enough, we are buying a house, we both got new jobs, we just bought a new car... And for some reason I find myself a bit insecure. He's been talking about new girls at his job, but continuously assures me that he is not interested because I am in the picture.I cried today. He's been really busy this week, and we haven't been as close as we normally are. If you were me, would you tell your partner when you are feeling insecure?I did. He rolled his eyes (he was half asleep), but cuddled me and said I have nothing to worry about. I told him about my ex husband, and again he assured me. I also have my period, so this may be why I am feeling this way.I've never felt this bad about us before, but I guess I am scared the same will happen, like history repeating.I know I am probably being irrational.Would you tell your partner when you are feeling insecure?Or did I just make a terrible mistake?
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (15 September 2011):
 If you CAN'T tell your partner of three years, with whom you live and buy property, when you are feeling badly, then you are with the wrong person.
Although I strongly recommend that you wait until he is awake enough to give you the reassurance that you need. ;-)
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): I think you have already hold him your fears and he has reassured you. At this point I would try and accept that there isn't a problem. Nothing undermines a relationship like one partner being very insecure and constantly seeking reassurance. Don't let your past life colour your present one. OK if you need to have the conversation again when he is not tired and maybe you are both relaxed. But then leave it be and let him chat about work colleagues without fearing that any one of them could have her eyes on him. You will drive yourself mad going around in circles. Let it go.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 September 2011):
 One thing that you always have to remember - your Bf is NOT your ex, so try not to compare them.
And yes, if you feel insecure tell him instead of going "nuts" by yourself :)
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A
female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (15 September 2011):
 That's what a relationship is about, when you're feeling low and need a little reassurance I'm sure your partner is happy to offer you that. Talking to him honestly about your feelings is so much better than keeping it all bottled up - that only builds resentment and magnifies even the smallest of problems.
If you're still feeling unsure of things then have a proper chat with him. Don't do it when he's half asleep, pick a time when neither of you has to be anywhere and can have a proper talk.
It's understandable that you're feeling insecure. Your life has come full circle straight back to the point where everything went wrong last time. But that doesn't mean that your new partner will behave the way your husband did. The fact that you're so willing to communicate and be entirely open with him speaks volumes about the strength of your relationship. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (15 September 2011):
 Hello,
I think you have to tell your partner when your feeling insecure, they need to look after you in your time of need.
When you try to talk to him, he may think (I know your not) that your blamming him in someway for how you feel. So use words like I feel.... And would you just hold me and help me through this... Keep it all about you, and your feelings - and await his response. When heresponds (even a rolling of eyes and a hug) thank him for the hug, he's more likely rooster more support next time.
I have to keep reminding myself that my new BF is not my old one, your new man isnt the same person either - I think in talking to your man in a feeling way will help, 90% of the hurt we feel in relationships is based on our past experiences so try to also keep that in mind
Good luck x
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