A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for 2 years. All was well, until a few months ago my partner started a new job and had to move to another area. Now we see each other every 6 weeks. He has always been an optimistic, cheerful and outgoing sort of person whereas I’m the opposite. He’s handled the move well, me less so.The problem is I am now wondering if what I thought was a great relationship because of the two of us and our chemistry was actually just him being his good-natured self, getting along easily with anybody, and nothing to do with me specifically as a person, as if I could have been anyone and he would still have got on fine with them. He seems to be doing fine, and while we used to often talk about our plans for the future and marriage he never mentions these things any more.I feel we have lost the sense of “us” that we used to have. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (15 September 2011):
 Long distance can work out if two things happen. One is that there has to be an end in sight. You both have to be working to be together again eventually. The other is that you have to make the conscious decision to trust him (likewise for him) and not overanalyze things.
Eventually it seems to always happen that you become out of sync in terms of what you need from your communication. And that's OK. Sometimes you just need to nudge your partner a little and say, "Hey I need to hear 'x' from you every so often just to reassure me."
A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (15 September 2011):
 I think this is mostly a natural reaction on your part to the enforced move of your partner. I would be extremely weary of reading too much into him "not mentioning these things anymore" - you say he "seems to be doing fine" - but moving is a stressful and busy time and just because he doesnt mention them does not mean they wont happen or that he doesnt still want them. You say your the opposite to him, which I take as meaning, hazarding a guess, you are quite insecure as a person too. Nothing wrong with that but that may well explain how your feeling here.
I think you probably need to broach how you are feeling with your partner if only to allow him to reassure you. Don't suffer in silence but try and deal with your fears and rationalise them with the knowledge that your partner does love you and you have nothing to fear. Good luck :)x
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