A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I am having relationship problems, well obviously if I am asking for yalls opinions. I am in a relationship with a guy who is madly in love with me. Every girls dream right? Well wrong in my case. Don't get me wrong, I love him so much and he treats me very well but lately I've noticed he doesn't have any interests, hobbies, or goals. He says he wants to marry me and have a family with me but thats as far as his future plans go. We are both in college right now and he will be graduating in about a year, me in two. The problem is when you ask him what he wants to do he still doesn't know! I've tried talking to him but he is stuck on this theory that his dream job will appear and everything will work out. It is so hard for me to think that way because I've always believed you get what you put in and what he's putting in right now is zip-zero. How do I get him to understand I want and need a husband to support me someday, not sit around and wait for a dream job? When it comes to hobbies I draw, run, cook, read, pretty much anything and everything I find interesting I try and participate in while he sits on the couch and watches hours of television and movies. He also probably sleeps 12 hours a day. I've tried to get him into things I do but he just is not interested. He is very mellow and relaxed all the time but I find it so unhealthy not to do anything productive during a day! How do I get him doing something he will enjoy but also get something out of? I really do love my boyfriend but I know if he doesn't set realistic goals and doesn't find any interests I can't be in this relationship any longer. So finally, if your still reading, my question's are how do I get him motivated and how do I help him find interests without being a nagging girlfriend? Thank you so much and I hope you readers have an awesome day:) Reply to this Question
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male
reader, MugenTj +, writes (19 July 2011):
 Now, I know you wouldn't ask him about goals ans stuff unless you care about your future together. However, the best thing to do is remain focused on yourself. If anything you can be a role model for him, but try not to kill his ego either. Since he is a student, if he is getting C or better, then you got nothing to worry about. You can encourage him to find an part time job or do some volunteering. Just don't put too much pressure as long as he shows an eagerness. I remember after I graduated, I tried but fail to find job. My mom often got on my case about it. That isn't fair! But if I didn't do anything at all, then she can say whatever. Remember however, that any kinda of job or a real hobby will be a distraction from school; school is still a priority. If he is a lazy bum all around and not doing well in school either, then I don't think you should love such a person yet.Truth be told, I was kinda clueless the first 5 years of college, didn't like my major, but I volunteered tutoring, moved from one part-time job to another. Eventually I changed my major and started over, and I wouldn't become a math teacher unless I did something right.Thus, do not be so fixated on a future that you can't yet see. Look at the positives things he is doing right now. If anything at all, then there is hope and a reason to keep him around.
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (19 July 2011):
A lot of people go through the clueless phase at your age. I used to be a card carrying member of the club that didn't know what to do with their lives. Sometimes, education isn't clarifying at all. Sometimes it leaves you wondering what exactly you'll be after you get your degree. I know I've struggled with it lots in college when I was studying communication.
When I asked my classmates, --most of which worked hard to get good grades-- none could tell me concrete future plans because they didn't have any. Lots of them decided to let the chips fall where they may and focus on getting the degree first and focus on the job after that. After all, life rarely works out the way you plan.
I think this is what your boyfriend is doing at the moment. So don't bust his chops for it. Stressing over something that may or may not happen in the future is useless, I've found. I'm a control freak who wants to draw my own path far in advance but I've failed in every attempt to do so. So relax a bit.
About his daily activities, I guess it's easy to get stuck in a routine like that. I'm guilty of this myself. When I stay with friends I'm active and I take initiative, but when alone it's so much easier to just pop in a DVD and watch that instead of actually getting my butt off the sofa.
So the course of action would be to simply state you're going somewhere and ask him to come along. Try to introduce activities that are new to both of you. I went sailing for the first time last summer. It wasn't something I'd pick, but now that I did it I had so much fun! So do something different. Minigolf. Making a mini roadtrip to a city/town you both have never visited. Horse back riding. You name it. Your activities don't have to be expensive, just different. Make it a challenge so it becomes interesting for him to tag along..
Hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 He must have some ambition, he is in college, and hasn't quit. He has plans for marriage and a family. If you love him 'so much'; why do you want him to change? What is it about him that you love 'so much'? Is he being any different now, as to how he's been in the past? Possibly you are just too different from each other, and it's not meant to be. His behaviour is frustrating you now, just imagine twenty years from now, and he is still on the couch watching the telly!!!! You can't make someone want to have goals, and interests.
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